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EndIsNigh

Member
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
5
Hi all.
I've just been accepted to the forum. I'm in my twenties and live in the UK. I have had suicidal depression for many years now. Interests include playing and listening to music, cycling, current affairs, reading and theatre.
Anyone else here in the UK (London / South / East?)
 
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ErzsebetBATHORY

BLOOD COUNTESS. ashes ashes, we all fall down
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
66
oi im erzsebet bathory. i drink my own blood and eat my own flesh. i am probably the most morbid betch alive. i spend almost all my time on death related subjects. why? i havent figured it out yet. probably cuz its the unknowable. in waking life we only usually see the known and the unknown. the mystery of it all-this invisible force makes meat and sticks and gels and shit move. when its gone, the shell remains but the invisible force is still somewhere. so fucking strange. i am known by many faces, many names: natalia kobrapuke, jill the ripper, cleotatra...the list goes on. im a shapeshiftre of sorts that has taken roughly as many lives as ive saved. im a hardcore gutterpunk bitch, the one behind the solo punk rock/grunge projekt toxic delirium and i am the pharoah dona of the crimson kamikaze mafia. i am a volatile bit of broken glass. ill love ya one second and hate ya the next. then back again. rest in peace void, the only love i ever known. the only bitch insane enough to march thru the trenches with a creature like me and keep pace. im a ghost. im there but im not. im yer best friend and yer worst enemy. it all depends on how you come at me. what can you do to a bitch with a deathwish? nothing. thats why i deal with humans only when i must or feel like it. its best that way. for those i love, ill do anything for. for those i hate, ill do anything to. i give zero fucks. im a hand grenade with a missing pin with the bar held down by jack shit but bubblegum. nice to meet ya. i aint sure its nice to meet me.
 

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xxmidnightxx

xxmidnightxx

New Member
Joined
Jun 8, 2021
Messages
3
Hello everyone. I’m 18 and from the USA. I’ve been suicidal since I was about 7. My mental health has just gotten worse as I’ve grown older. I wasted all of my teen years living in isolation. I don’t feel anything anymore and I just don’t care. Anorexia consumes my life. I have zero friends and nothing to look forward too. I found this forum by chance, but I’m so grateful I did.
 
Eire1992

Eire1992

Conducting an experiment on how it feels to die
Joined
Jun 7, 2021
Messages
19
Hello all. I'm 28, I'm from Ireland. It sounds weird to say, but I'm glad to be here and be accepted as a member. I've been lurking for a week or so now and honestly, the acceptance email is the first thing that made me crack a smile in quite some time.

I've struggled with depression and severe social anxiety for 15 or so years now. I've made 2 previous attempts to CTB. The first was just simply never going to work and the second "might" have worked if I hadn't been a total idiot about how I went about it. The thought has never left my mind, but as the years grind on and nothing changes, I've been slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm not going to live a long and fulfilled life. On paper, my life is not bad. It really isn't. It's stressful sure and I have to do things I don't like, but don't we all? No the problem isn't one of circumstances. The problem is fundamental, the problem is me. It's cliched but here it is, I'm not long for this world. I've resolved that I won't see 30. Plans are starting to take shape and hopefully I can get the last few wrinkles on that end of things sorted soon.

But as I said, I'm actually very happy to be here (the site, not life). It's so freeing to talk about this shit. But if anyone ever needs something, even as small as to be told they matter or an ear to listen to them, you all know where to find me :)
 
J

jnpx321

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2020
Messages
11
xxmidnightxx said:
Hello everyone. I’m 18 and from the USA. I’ve been suicidal since I was about 7. My mental health has just gotten worse as I’ve grown older. I wasted all of my teen years living in isolation. I don’t feel anything anymore and I just don’t care. Anorexia consumes my life. I have zero friends and nothing to look forward too. I found this forum by chance, but I’m so grateful I did.
Are you a high school student now?
 
turtlespirit

turtlespirit

Member
Joined
Dec 20, 2020
Messages
8
Hi everyone. I've been lurking for a very long time, as I tend to do. I'm 37, recently married to my wonderful, supportive partner, with 2 cats that I love more than most people consider acceptable. I'm an artist but failed that spectacularly, so basically, I'm an unemployed loser with no skills. I have social anxiety, general anxiety, and double depression. Meds don't work, and therapy did more harm than good (I've been in therapy on and off since I was about 9). I've been thrashing about for most of my life trying to make something of myself, and it's gotten too painful, and I just want out. On days like today, I wake with so much self-loathing that my skin feels like it's burning. I got my hands on some sn and was planing on ctb sometime this year but circumstances changed when my husband got accepted to a year abroad and it felt cruel to not go with him and do it when he's abroad as he will surely blame himself. So I decided to go with him even though I'm clearly not well enough to handle a big change like that, with all the anxiety and dangers of it. So I give myself this one year with the hopes that it won't be a disaster, and maybe I can have a nice experience before I'm done.
 
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jnpx321

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2020
Messages
11
xxmidnightxx said:
Hello everyone. I’m 18 and from the USA. I’ve been suicidal since I was about 7. My mental health has just gotten worse as I’ve grown older. I wasted all of my teen years living in isolation. I don’t feel anything anymore and I just don’t care. Anorexia consumes my life. I have zero friends and nothing to look forward too. I found this forum by chance, but I’m so grateful I did.
What caused you suicidal?
 
hhanako

hhanako

New Member
Joined
Jun 4, 2021
Messages
3
Hi, everyone. I've lurked for a while before deciding to join the forum and I'm happy to be accepted as a member.
I'm 19 from Asia. I started having suicidal idealization and SH when I was 10 (~5th grade) and thinking about it now, I'm shocked at how young I was having that kind of hopelessness inside me. I still vividly remember all bad memories of being bullied, humiliated, and disappointed by the people around me when I needed guidance the most.

I've gotten help 2 years ago but stopped taking medication due to its effects such as anhedonia/numbness. I like reading books, studying, watching anime/cartoons, driving around the region, and being alone. I still feel like shit until now and my mental health has been declining for sometime now. I still struggle a lot with the symptoms.
 
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ElizabethsFault

Had an abusive therapist
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
12
Sanctioned Suicide said:
Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!
I’ve been diagnosed with everything throughput the past 30+ years; ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, BPD, Bipolar Type 1 & 2, Dissociative Disorder, PTSD, OCD, DPD, & Schizoaffective Disorder. Only thing I believe is I have PTSD and a future taking harmful medication, but never feeling happy again. I doubt most of these diagnoses are accurate. Also, I have no job and soon, will have no medical insurance to cover the psychiatric care I obviously need. No access to healthcare I need. Had a traumatic experience with my former therapist and whatever condition I have, worsened. I’ll never be the same person I was prior to meeting her, when I could feel a bit of pleasure in daily life. I always had helpful therapists who brought me back to reality and gave me hope. Not sure I’ll ever trust one again, and it’s due to the devastating “therapy” I received from Elizabeth MacEwen. I’ve suffered through abuse/trauma in the past, but never due to a therapist. Now there’s no help/hope for me.
 
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