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readernotposter

readernotposter

Student
Dec 22, 2021
5
Hello, my name suggests otherwise but I had joined here with the intention to read and listen, but everyone here is so open-minded and genuinely kind that I just had to post and reach out. I’m a (barely) 21 yr old college dropout w/ (undiagnosed) ADHD and diagnosed depression.

I have no siblings and both parents, I went from doing amazing academically until I arrived at college. I don’t know if it was my study method or my new environment but I just couldn’t get any material through my head anymore, like I’ve hit a storage limit for my head and now I’ve failed six semesters in a row, my parents have no clue about any of them. Now that I can’t attend my dream school anymore I just can’t tell my parents that I fucked up this badly.

Thank you for listening to my (wordy) short story. I hope more lurkers like me decide to reach out and meet new people :)
 
Cameron Diazepam

Cameron Diazepam

New Member
Dec 25, 2021
4
Hello, also a longtime lurker and now member. I have incurable conditions like PTSD and body dysmorphic disorder along with depression and anxiety. Tried a lot of meds without success. I live in the middle of nowhere and attract a lot of negative attention but lack the means of escape (both in life and death, I think being trapped between worlds is the worst part of it). I'm grateful for this informational and discussion resource for a choice that is shunned in society.
 
calliopewindstorm@o

[email protected]

I am chickenhat. Hear me cluck
Dec 17, 2021
41
Hi. I turned 55 this year. That's so hard to believe. I'm bipolar 1. I'm pretty much depressed all the time with several times manic a year. I've tried to ctb a lot but never gotten it right. I'm not ready to ctb right now, but through the shirt time I've been a member I've found a plan and am readying it all... For when I'm ready. All I do is watch TV and sleep. I've spent the majority of every day since I became a member reading this site. It's like coming home to family. Anyway. Hi everyone
 
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LookieLou

Member
Dec 21, 2021
29
I'm 35 year old woman..

Was stupidly put on a drug meant for severe depression when I bloody didn't have it before..enter a 16 year nightamre of drug side effects but Every time I came off few months later I mysteriously had clinical depression severe anxiety I didn't have before. Took me all of 16 yrs to figure out was the bloody drugs. They switched me to another to try and come off first and after 16 years of struggle I had a severe reaction to the second drug. Somethjng FRIED away in brain and life has been absolute torture since. Three years now. Before this happened even though I struggled still had interests felt had future some sort of life. I haven't been able to feel life exists for three years now except occasional "glimpse" that its still there.
I’m a 64 yo female. Same here. These new meds, SNRIs, which haven’t been lab tested for long enough, are being usedon patients who are being injured. One gave me Parkinson’s. One put me in a hospital after 6 falls in a single day. One made my chin twitch in just a few days, a symptom that is often permanent. One made me so depressed I went to my doctor’s office and refused to leave without a solution. One made me shake so much I spilled boiling pot of soup down my front and ended up with 2nd and 3rd degree burns on my stomach. My body is shot and I lose words.
 
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ThankYouNYT

Member
Dec 10, 2021
5
You will guess how I learned of this site.

I'm nearly 40. Male. I am English and live in England. I have BPD, depression, and anxiety, and I simply cannot socialise normally.

I gave up on dating more than 10 years ago, and cut off my few friends 5 years ago. I'm ready to go. I am waiting for my parents to die so I can leave without upsetting them: I've made their lives difficult enough already and I feel able to hold on until then, though I appreciate not everyone is in the position of being able to hold out for any loved ones they might have.

I work nights simply so I am not a drain on my parents (yes, still living at home at 40), though I appreciate many on this site will not be in a position to hold down a job. Nights I don't work, I drink by myself at the pub. That's literally my life: every week, every month, every year. New Year was just "celebrated" by drinking alone in my bedroom.

There are excellent reasons to think that all hope was lost years ago, that change is simply not possible. I think there comes a point where you simply aren't being fair to yourself by carrying on.

Until I can go, I'm interested in accumulating information on how to leave, as well as in giving and receiving support to and from other people who have had more than enough of this shitty world. Nice to be here amongst fellow sufferers.
 
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AnneRee

Member
Dec 16, 2021
5
Hi Everyone -I’m in my late forties- female - I’m quite reserved and lack confidence so not sure how much I can participate - I’ve been reading of all your suffering for weeks/months and really empathise with you all - I’ve had depression since my teens, nervous breakdowns ,chronic fatigue , type 1 diabetes - now peripheral neuropathy last five years which is now advancing rapidly -have tried so hard to fight it medically and trying to keep going to care for family - they depend on me in many ways - my parents are quite old and it really makes me sad to see -I’m in a lot of pain and almost bed bound - pain and stiffness working it’s way up my body - I don’t want to be alive at all but couldn’t bear to cause family pain by ctb but need to know there’s a way out if becomes unbearable -everything is a complete mess - sorry for my rambling - you don’t know me so you are the only people I can tell that I want to exit - I wish you all some relief and peace Xx
 
S

subj

Student
Dec 16, 2021
100
Found this site through the NY daily email i get(and now dont read because of how badly judgemental the piece is). Been lurking for I think weeks because I'm introverted a lot.
I'm going on 33 soon, have been majorly depressed for a long time and constant thoughts of wishing I were dead. I take antidepressants that I don't feel work, therapy always ends up with me listening to my therapist talk about their life and them not helping mine. I'm married and have lots of pets including dogs, cats, reptiles, and arachnids. I'm stay at home because I hate the public and am in to much pain after hours on my feet. Deal with not only the depression but constant anxiety, eczema, skin picking, diabetes, being a night owl that needs 10-12 hours of sleep to function, IBS, and constant pain in my joints.
I love drawing, painting, cross stitching, old cars, listening to the 80s, playing Spyro the Dragon, gardening, and feeding my tarantulas.
I get a daily kick in butt from life itself, especially when I'm trying to do something positive or helpful. I feel like i live in the fog of Silent Hill, have no one to talk with except my pets(which i do all the time!).
I found this website and it feels like home to me. I can relate with so many posts I've read and it makes me feel that Im not alone in the way i feel and how my life is.
Keep looking there are good therapists out there. Sorry you are only finding the losers. Their lives do not matter, they are there to help you not to narcistically yap. Send them a bill for every minute they don't focus on you.
 
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Reactions: Tarantula Girl
C

CorallJoseph

New Member
Dec 30, 2021
3
Hello. I feel like a complete failure as a human. I'm 41 years old, and while I hold a B. A. in Spanish from Kent State University and two associates degrees in from Stark State College, I feel like a total failure as a human. Everything in life is so meaningless. We're all matter, energy at a low frequency. Years from now, the matter that makes us up will form new stars. No one's life has any meaning. I was a stranger to happiness most of my life. I just want to end all the meaninglessness and pain.
 
flawedforever

flawedforever

I’m Forever a Flawed Flower
Jan 1, 2022
10
Just alone in this world. Death is in my near future. And as I’m writing this I am also watching my granddaughter run and play. She hasn’t a care in the world. She’s a butterfly today and then a unicorn tomorrow. I’ll miss that the most.
 
freemindnsoul

freemindnsoul

Mage
Sep 29, 2021
567
Hi everyone,

I'm a single woman in my thirties living in the West Coast, USA. I have been suicidal for more than 20 years. I had rough childhood, teenagerhood, and adulthood.

I became more suicidal in 2021 due to permanent circumstances and started reading more stuff about suicide. I read some articles about a suicide forum designed to kill children!!! the articles didn't make much sense. I didn't know the name of the website for too long but was curious.

I finally found the website a few months ago and found it to be a solid pro-choice forum for suicidal people. Thank you everyone for your love and support.
 
calliopewindstorm@o

[email protected]

I am chickenhat. Hear me cluck
Dec 17, 2021
41
You will guess how I learned of this site.

I'm nearly 40. Male. I am English and live in England. I have BPD, depression, and anxiety, and I simply cannot socialise normally.

I gave up on dating more than 10 years ago, and cut off my few friends 5 years ago. I'm ready to go. I am waiting for my parents to die so I can leave without upsetting them: I've made their lives difficult enough already and I feel able to hold on until then, though I appreciate not everyone is in the position of being able to hold out for any loved ones they might have.

I work nights simply so I am not a drain on my parents (yes, still living at home at 40), though I appreciate many on this site will not be in a position to hold down a job. Nights I don't work, I drink by myself at the pub. That's literally my life: every week, every month, every year. New Year was just "celebrated" by drinking alone in my bedroom.

There are excellent reasons to think that all hope was lost years ago, that change is simply not possible. I think there comes a point where you simply aren't being fair to yourself by carrying on.

Until I can go, I'm interested in accumulating information on how to leave, as well as in giving and receiving support to and from other people who have had more than enough of this shitty world. Nice to be here amongst fellow sufferers.
Hi! I'm really new here, but hi! Your intro sounds just like me. I related to everything you said. Thank you for doing it so well
 
ColorlessTrees

ColorlessTrees

Member
Jan 4, 2022
16
It’s unfortunate to meet everyone under these circumstances, but I’m glad this site exists; it’s deeply comforting, in a way. I’m mostly a lurker, but I decided to join this time.

I suppose it’s unnecessary, but a bit about myself: I enjoy fashion/aesthetics, I aspire to be a nurse (for now), my collection of alpaca plushes bring me some small happiness, as do trashy romance novels, more personal fiction I write, and the passion for niche music I’ve cultivated more recently. (In reality, I enjoy half of these things, half the time.)

My reason for being here is due to both physical and psychological ailments. The information offered here gives me better control of my planning and choices, as well as support. And I do wish to support people, even though all I can do is offer a listening ear and empathetic words, as an internet stranger.

Thanks for reading. :-)
 
JustJudah

JustJudah

Founder of mylife-mychoice.com
Oct 1, 2020
777
I've been here for a year and I've never presented myself properly, haha

I am Judah, my age ranges between 20 and 30 years, I am stateless, I do not have any identity or any nationality, I am not attached to any existing entity, so technically I am like a ghost
 
B

bana

New Member
Dec 18, 2021
3
Hi everyone. I'm a mid-late 20s guy who thought he would just lurk but decided I might talk a bit too. I just haven't been happy for so long, been really depressed and possibly a few other issues. I haven't made any decisions yet but for now I'm just glad this resource exists
 
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Eternal_Distancing

Member
Jun 3, 2021
7
If Death were a 40 car train operator, I’d be trying to get off the tracks because that is not my method of choice. I have quick reflexes, almost twitchy reflexes, I’d flinch so this method is definitely not for me. On my only attempt to CTB, I was at my final step but a nagging thought to read that one message I’d been avoiding for days leading up to my last moment on this earth convinced me to just read it. This message was the worse news I had ever received in my entire life; a lifetime of feeling like a loser.

Here I was: an empty field, an abandoned, condemned building with “Muerte” graffiti-ed in black spray paint all over. The red glow of coals to keep me warm one last time, my plan coming together, being at that final stage and the only thing that stopped me dead in my tracks was reading that message learning a loved one was dying…


I hope to ease some of your pain and confusion with the best insight I can provide for the time I am here.
 
Findail

Findail

Member
Jan 9, 2022
5
Hi all. Male, 48 from London UK. Just regged today hoping to get the info i need to check out. Have just never been 'right' and always had one foot out the door of life. Schitzophrenia is rife in my family and pretty sure i have some form of it undiagnosed. No drama or tears, just want out asap in the most peaceful way poss.
 
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Jun 9, 2021
76
I've been on this site for some time but never introduced myself

I'm a female closer to my late 20s, and I'm here because I just don't want to live long. I've only recently realized that I can make it happen, I don't have to wait for some illness to take me out. Of course I knew about suicide before, I just never really considered it for myself before I guess.
 
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Trattkantarellen198

Member
Jan 9, 2022
16
Hi, I am a male 41 with severe belly and bodily cramps that will not go away and have not been taken seriously by any doctor.

These cramps suck all the energy out of me, I am a walking ghost!

I wish to end my life as soon as possible, by Sodium Nitrite, but I cannot find any antiemetics easily in Sweden, where I live :(
 
Cj.A

Cj.A

New Member
Jan 9, 2022
2
Hey guys,

Noticed a lot of threads pop up with new members saying hey. To reduce clutter we have decided to make a welcome thread for everyone new to introduce themselves and for people to welcome them, basically merging all future welcome posts into this one.

With that said, welcome to Sanctioned Suicide, we're a pro-choice forum; make sure to read the rules and check the resource sticky out too!

Post your introductions here!
Hi! I'm turning 20 one day from now. I'm honestly tired and want to end it all at once already.
 
Alcoholic Teletubby

Alcoholic Teletubby

Rip in piss
Jan 10, 2022
16
Hi everyone. I'm new here. For some reason, I want to apologize for bothering you all. :ahhha: Whatever.

Currently, a college student tittering on whether or not to call it quits. I enjoy procrastinating on everything, including my art, hyperfixating and researching obscure/random areas of interest. For the past ten years, I've been struggling with depression. Whether or not it derives from my autism, who can say?
 
fluffymoomin

fluffymoomin

living in a little mushroom house
Jan 5, 2022
22
wanted to introduce myself before i post anymore, it feels strange but here i am :^)

i'm soon turning 21 and have actively wanted to ctb for almost half of my life now. i have self harmed for just as long, and it is all because of chronic trauma beginning in childhood which i just can't seem to escape from. i lost almost all of my friends (and continue to destroy my remaining relationships) because of my self injurious, impulsive actions, as well as the way i behave when i'm feeling worthless/shitty/irritated, which is most of the time. i'm in between wanting desperately to recover and wanting desperately to take myself away from this world which has nothing left for me.

being able to find out exactly what i need for a peaceful journey away from this horrid existence makes me feel calmer. i'm very grateful for this forum even though i am a very new member. even lurking at the time made me feel less alone.
 
nuke my house

nuke my house

New Member
Jan 10, 2022
2
hi, i came here looking for help to understand ways to cope/avoid suicide and self harm given my past track record of self harm and suicide attempts. i hope to learn a lot while getting to know people here in this community.
 
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treetop.grazer

Member
Jan 11, 2022
6
Hi all,

I've been lurking on here for a year or two but finally decided to create an account. I'm bordering 50, from the UK and none of my friends or family would have any idea of how I'm feeling or going through.

Battling with alcoholism, some bpd and mounting debts makes me dread waking up each morning. I'm sure there's plenty of you in the same boat on here.
 
M

mik1234567890

Member
Jan 11, 2022
5
Hi, I feel really bad and I'd like to get it done quick but I can't find any resources here, apparently now you have to post stuff to see some resources...
 
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AnneRee

Member
Dec 16, 2021
5
Hi all,

I've been lurking on here for a year or two but finally decided to create an account. I'm bordering 50, from the UK and none of my friends or family would have any idea of how I'm feeling or going through.

Battling with alcoholism, some bpd and mounting debts makes me dread waking up each morning. I'm sure there's plenty of you in the same boat on here.
Hi I’m new and from UK too and my family unaware too how I really feel - I really feel your pain - I wish you some relief somehow 🤗
 
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