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Throwaway563078

Experienced
Oct 6, 2018
273
The idea of suicide brings me both comfort and fear. Fear of what exactly I can't tell. I've been suicidal for many years on and off. During my "off" periods things weren't good they were just bearable. I literally have nothing worth living for maybe a tiny sliver of irrational hope that has kept me going through out the years. It never gets better.. mentally, emotionally, socially. Suicide is the rational and best decision for me, so where is this fear/being hesitant about it all coming from. Is this normal? How does one overcome it. I guess this is the survival instinct. Really don't want to be a slave to my biology

Can anyone else relate?
 
AndyCurious

AndyCurious

-
Sep 13, 2018
708
The idea of suicide brings me both comfort and fear. Fear of what exactly I can't tell. I've been suicidal for many years on and off. During my "off" periods things weren't good they were just bearable. I literally have nothing worth living for maybe a tiny sliver of irrational hope that has kept me going through out the years. It never gets better.. mentally, emotionally, socially. Suicide is the rational and best decision for me, so where is this fear/being hesitant about it all coming from. Is this normal? How does one overcome it. I guess this is the survival instinct. Really don't want to be a slave to my biology

Can anyone else relate?
Yes, I sure can relate to that...
 
fuckthis

fuckthis

I've made up my mind.
Sep 23, 2018
264
Yes I am terrified. Partly because I still wonder if there's a sliver of chance where my life will turn decent. Though whenever it has, I am lead on to only fall into my shitty, mundane state when things get rough again.
 
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blood orange

blood orange

Member
Sep 14, 2018
82
Yes. I delayed because it was my cousins birthday.
I didn't want to ruin her day.

Although I have zero money, no home so to speak and no real connections, I'm shaken to the bone. I know when I jump, I have to hit my head first.
I'm afraid of living, coming back to this place and there's nothing here for me.

Yesterday, I reached out for help. But it's like before and nobody cares or wants to help.
My life and the people in it terrify me. Why did I ever stay as long as I did?
 
P

Pan

Paragon
Oct 24, 2019
914
Yes, I sure can relate to that...
I can completely relate; what do you think is behind the precipitous rise in suicide? What exactly is happening and why are so many considering suicide? To much electronics, an encroaching federal bureaucracy, what? New research indicates that climate change my be responsible in some indirect way. I must confess that I, as a 64 year old male think more about dying than I do about living.
 
TearyEyedQueen

TearyEyedQueen

In the wrong timeline
Nov 14, 2019
367
I find both terror and relief in the fact that I will forget all the pain of my mistakes and how much I got screwed over by toxic environment and idiot parents.
As painful as suicide is I'm more afraid of aging and dying alone as a 70-90 year old.