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Is anyone on here mute or near-mute?
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I used to be mute, to a point where I couldn't make a sound when I was in agony. Nowadays I can talk, but I pretty much respond to questions. For the life of me I cannot think of anything to say in social situations. It sucks.
In real life I rarely talk. I hate physically talking, there is nothing I have to say. I do have forced conversations with family members sometimes, but it is mostly just them talking and me hardly saying anything. Nothing good can come from talking too much in my opinion.
I rarely ever speak because I'm too ill to handle the strain that comes with it. On the rare occasion that I do have to talk a little bit, I get such a bad headache afterwards that feels like my brain is trying to break through my skull and like I have strep throat, on top of feeling even more so like I'd been hit by a freight train. What might be a short, simple conversation or interaction for many people is days upon days of absolute hell for me. As a result, whenever I do have to communicate with someone, it's almost always been in the form of writing or gestures for the past couple years.
There have been a couple of times over the past few years where I've had to go out (almost always to a medical centre for some sort of procedure or appointment) and I've written down the address for the place I need to go for the taxi driver, and I've gotten so many weird looks for it, despite prefacing the note with something like, "I'm not trying to be rude, I understand everything you're saying, I just can't speak, thank you for your service." Some have tried to talk to me anyway, despite the note, and then I'M the asshole. I've also had medical staff talk to me, but I've been unable to respond or grab my "I can't speak" note quickly enough, and then they ask me all irritated if I speak [the language that's spoken here]. Then I show them the note and they clearly feel bad about it, but god damn. My MIL also takes it personally when I don't speak, despite her knowing how sick I am and what talking does to me... so as far as I'm concerned, that's not my problem.
It sucks ass because people automatically negatively judge you for not being able to talk, regardless of the reason why. You never really realize just how much people rely on spoken language until you're unable to utilize it yourself.