hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
The people bashing OP in their replies are not wrong. It is exploitative to begin a sexual relationship with a subordinate at work, but relationships are also messy, and shit happens. I had a kink for people with authority over me, though I am not into BDSM. If a boss or teacher propositioned me, this kink would have been my motivating factor in acquiescing, not concern for my job or grade.

I would put this behind you and try to avoid any similar entanglements in the future. If it looks like this is a pattern for you, you might want to seek some therapy.
Well she said that she did have a kink for boss/professor and she is the one that started the thing.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
It is my opinion that because you were her boss in this situation that you were very abusive to her- you had an extremely unfair power over her in the workplace and in the overall relationship and this could her help not just im the present but in the future to have this on her resume. This is exactly why bosses should not date their subordinates. I understand that others may disagree but there is no way for you to know if her submission to these bdsm activities is related to the job situation or not. I personally consider this to be a case where you took advantage of your power over her and abused her very badly in this situation.- even if you did not intend to be a cruel, abusive monster in this situation this is what you were, in my opinion. That is my opinion and it is clear that you rationalized this extreme abuse and others may have different opinions about this. Certainly a good attorney could see sue you and your company over this and win a large settlement a d this could have the potential to lead to criminal charges as well. I hope you will stay away from bdsm activities going forward, especially if there is a work dynamic involved. I think at the time you convinced yourself that this was not abusive, and so likely you did not have the intent to be abusive, but based on what you posted I would personally consider you to have been extremely abusive in this situation.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
It is my opinion that because you were her boss in this situation that you were very abusive to her- you had an extremely unfair power over her in the workplace and in the overall relationship and this could her help not just im the present but in the future to have this on her resume. This is exactly why bosses should not date their subordinates. I understand that others may disagree but there is no way for you to know if her submission to these bdsm activities is related to the job situation or not. I personally consider this to be a case where you took advantage of your power over her and abused her very badly in this situation.- even if you did not intend to be a cruel, abusive monster in this situation this is what you were, in my opinion. That is my opinion and it is clear that you rationalized this extreme abuse and others may have different opinions about this. Certainly a good attorney could see sue you and your company over this and win a large settlement a d this could have the potential to lead to criminal charges as well. I hope you will stay away from bdsm activities going forward, especially if there is a work dynamic involved. I think at the time you convinced yourself that this was not abusive, and so likely you did not have the intent to be abusive, but based on what you posted I would personally consider you to have been extremely abusive in this situation.
Well even if that it is true (and it is not because she was a consenting adult). She deserved that considering that after I lost the job she disappeared, She just used the situation to get promoted since she had little skills.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
Well even if that it is true (and it is not because she was a consenting adult). She deserved that considering that after I lost the job she disappeared, She just used the situation to get promoted since she had little skills.
That is your opinion, but my opinion is that she did not deserve this harsh sexual abuse and that once she had the chance to escape her abuser she did- she did nothing wrong by leaving you considering the abuse in my opinion- she did not use you, she was trapped by you. I hope you will rethink this situation in a more fair and a more healthy way- consenting to be abused in a bdsm situation is likely due to some weakness from some former abuse, and it is not ethical at all in my opinion to take advantage of this situation, especially when you are her boss and have this power over her. Please consider treating people in a way that you would like to be treated, in a healthy way like you would like to be treated- you can't change the past but you can change how you act going forward. Would you be happy if someone treated your daughter or your mother or some other female that you really care about in this way? If you were her father and you met a boyfriend who treated your daughter like this, would you welcome him with open arms and say- I am so proud of you for how you treat my daughter, you are the man of her dreams. Please consider deciding to try to be the man of a girl's dreams going forward if you can.
 
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𖣴 nemo 𖣴

𖣴 nemo 𖣴

...member...
Dec 15, 2021
85
Well even if that it is true (and it is not because she was a consenting adult). She deserved that considering that after I lost the job she disappeared, She just used the situation to get promoted since she had little skills.
What's the point of asking if it was abusive if you're going to essentially say you don't care and she deserves it. You obviously acted unprofessionally and abused your position, I'm not defending her actions either but it sounds like you're just bitter that it ended well for her and badly for you. You abused your position to promote someone you wanted to fuck and denied better qualified, hard working, and competent candidates for the job. Your own karmic logic can be used against you - you deserved to lose your job and girlfriend for cheating on your supportive wife who stayed with you despite you getting fired.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
You have no idea what you are talking about. BDSM is based on consent. All activities are agreed upon in advance and actually the sub is the person that is in full control of the situation. This is a pro-choice forum and BDSM is all about choice. I suggest you document yourself before making silly statements.
But why would a person consent to being abused? Likely due to some abuse in their years growing up- it's still not a healthy way to treat a person. It would be much better to treat a lady with respect and to treat her as a person who you want to grow in a postive way from your relationnship, as someone who will look back on it and say- that man was my hero, he really loved me and cherished me and lifted me up- this is not possible with bdsm.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
That is your opinion, but my opinion is that she did not deserve this harsh sexual abuse and that once she had the chance to escape her abuser she did- she did nothing wrong by leaving you considering the abuse in my opinion- she did not use you, she was trapped by you. I hope you will rethink this situation in a more fair and a more healthy way- consenting to be abused in a bdsm situation is likely due to some weakness from some former abuse, and it is not ethical at all in my opinion to take advantage of this situation, especially when you are her boss and have this power over her. Please consider treating people in a way that you would like to be treated, in a healthy way like you would like to be treated- you can't change the past but you can change how you act going forward. Would you be happy if someone treated your daughter or your mother or some other female that you really care about in this way? If you were her father and you met a boyfriend who treated your daughter like this, would you welcome him with open arms and say- I am so proud of you for how you treat my daughter, you are the man of her dreams. Please consider deciding to try to be the man of a girl's dreams going forward if you can.
Right, and it just happened that she started the relationship when she was an intern? And it just happened that she decided to leave when there was nothing to be gained anymore?
But why would a person consent to being abused? Likely due to some abuse in their years growing up- it's still not a healthy way to treat a person. It would be much better to treat a lady with respect and to treat her as a person who you want to grow in a postive way from your relationnship, as someone who will look back on it and say- that man was my hero, he really loved me and cherished me and lifted me up- this is not possible with bdsm.
BDSM has a borad spectrum and people have different motivations for it. It is not abuse, the woman is always in control and can decide when to stop. As a matter of fact that woman was very clear on what she wanted to do and what she did not want to do. In the same way she also proposed things I did now want to do. Would she have done that if she felt pressured to accept everything?

People find BDSM de-stressing and some like the idea of giving up control. Some pain like pain (I do it myself). I find it funny that in a pro-choice forum there could be people that are against the possibility to let people enjoy sex in the way you prefer. Moreover, it was not just BDSM, there were moment of normal love and intimacy and moment for BDSM.
 
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Someone123

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Oct 19, 2021
2,828
Right, and it just happened that she started the relationship when she was an intern? And it just happened that she decided to leave when there was nothing to be gained anymore?
I wouldn't worry abot that part of it- she foudn it to be abusive and this is understandable, so she left. I would try to put hert out of your mind and focus on finding a new girl going forward and treat her like the man of her dreams- like you are her hero. YOu will be much happier if you can both be uplifted by the relationship. Just let this girl go and try to be healthier going forward- accept that the abuse of bdsm was not helathy for her, or really for anyone. Anyone can fall down this rabbit hole, but you can do better. She had a right to leave and I would really leave this in the past and try to find a healthier relationship with someone else.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
I wouldn't worry abot that part of it- she foudn it to be abusive and this is understandable, so she left. I would try to put hert out of your mind and focus on finding a new girl going forward and treat her like the man of her dreams- like you are her hero. YOu will be much happier if you can both be uplifted by the relationship. Just let this girl go and try to be healthier going forward- accept that the abuse of bdsm was not helathy for her, or really for anyone. Anyone can fall down this rabbit hole, but you can do better. She had a right to leave and I would really leave this in the past and try to find a healthier relationship with someone else.
Please stop with this condescending tone. You are just a woman that thinks that your vision of the world applies to everybody. You are free to think whatever you want, but it just proves how closed-minded you are. Try to open your mind, maybe you are still in time if you are not too old and if you do not CTB too soon.
 
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Someone123

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Oct 19, 2021
2,828
Please stop with this condescending tone. You are just a woman that thinks that your vision of the world applies to everybody. You are free to think whatever you want, but it just proves how closed-minded you are. Try to open your mind, maybe you are still in time if you are not too old and if you do not CTB too soon.
I'm a guy and it is not condescending to say that this was very abusive. There does not seem to be much hope that you can be the man of a girl's dreams if you continue to think that the abuse that you have done is ok. I hope you will choose a healthier path, but I am not optimistic. YOu asked for other people's opinions and then you get upset when other people's opinions are different than yours.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
I'm a guy and it is not condescending to say that this was very abusive. There does not seem to be much hope that you can be the man of a girl's dreams if you continue to think that the abuse that you have done is ok. I hope you will choose a healthier path, but I am not optimistic. YOu asked for other people's opinions and then you get upset when other people's opinions are different than yours.
You are right it is not condescending, it is ignorant. You have no idea what you are talking about and I do no like talking with ignorant people. Go back to your cave and stay there you will find liked-minded people. This conversation is over for me. You are boring.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
You are right it is not condescending, it is ignorant. You have no idea what you are talking about and I do no like talking with ignorant people. Go back to your cave and stay there you will find liked-minded people. This conversation is over for me. You are boring.
Your mindset is sad and abusive- you should elevate women with how you treat them, not look for ways to rationalize abusing them.
 
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Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,254
You are right it is not condescending, it is ignorant. You have no idea what you are talking about and I do no like talking with ignorant people. Go back to your cave and stay there you will find liked-minded people. This conversation is over for me. You are boring.
while difficult, sometimes its probably better to stop giving people something to respond to.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
depends on the relationship. it is completely possible
I disagree completely- would you want your daughter or other women you care about in your life to be treated this way? This just rationalizes abuse.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,254
I disagree completely- would you want your daughter or other women you care about in your life to be treated this way? This just rationalizes abuse.
not always. under the correct setting this can actually be therapeutic
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,828
not always. under the correct setting this can actually be therapeutic
No way, treating people with dignity, respect and real caring is what is healthy, not finding people so desperate for love that put up with abuse as part of the deal.
 
Life_and_Death

Life_and_Death

typically not in the mental frame to converse..
Jul 1, 2020
5,254
No way, treating people with dignity, respect and real caring is what is healthy, not finding people so desperate for love that put up with abuse as part of the deal.
thats not it at all.
 
Hollowillow

Hollowillow

I want throat hugs & anime! Can't use chat pm me
Aug 7, 2022
906
I was really close to become a dominatrix into BDSM. I wanted to vent the rage of being abused as a child by men. But when I read that the sub must be the leader, and to never hit in anger... I realized that I was not into Bdsm but an enraged psycho. I went in the opposite direction, abstinence. I still can only reach orgasm if I imagine heterosexual men be raped by men or machines. I don't think I can make love. I have way too much pent up rage about sex. I don't think I'd respect a sub if I dud BDSM. I'd freaking crush them with disgust & entitlement. I would probably delude myself that they like it while ignoring their safe words. I'd relish their genuine screams of fear & agony. I'm not just scared of sex as what people could do to me... I'm also scared of what I could become if I went in that dark direction.

If the girl wasn't into BDSM so much that she forgot to use safe words... Then there is a risk that her only kink was to fuck her boss... And it degenerated into kinks faster than she could comprehend.

I had a lover into suffocation. I went with the flow out of love, not fully understanding what I got into. I had to wrap him in plastic, watch him suffocate, and pierce a hole when he nodded. He admitted that he almost let himself die. I would have ended up in jail for murder. It's the last time I did BDSM with him & anyone.

I think she sucked at her job... Kept losing them. She was desperate to keep this one.

You were her boss, you had a say in firing her. You could have told your boss that you hate how useless she is and she'd be fired, even if you didn't do it yourself. We have a strong belief that boss can even if they can't. Roleplaying about it... Reinforced it.

When a woman says she's fine... She's really not. There are memes about this.

@summers could have said more politely that women have been abused enough and should be treated with care & respect... But I don't think he deserved to be banned for it. He knows a lot of women who've been hurt badly... I am one of them...

I don't think she was trying to abuse you... I think she was desperate to please you to keep a job... I think she wanted her kink to do it with her boss... But she wasn't in a position to say no freely... As a woman (we have it rough).. As an employee trained to obey... As a lover... As a sub...

Maybe she left when you left because she feared to be fired for her incompetence without your protection. Maybe she was bullied & called a slut... I don't know the full story... But why not keep her as lover after...

Only she can know... But the dynamic was risky of her being hurt more than she could enjoy and being unable to say so...

It's hard to keep a job. It's hard for women to say no... Men can become violent, harass us, dismiss us with gaslight, just plain ignore it thinking we said yes... Or they don't ask & take...

It's hard to be a woman.

I need people like Summers to protect me... He went a bit too far telling you to ctb... But his heart was in the right place.

It's risky in BDSM to slip too far... And in these circumstances (Boss, bad at job, not knowing bdsm begore) it's even riskier...

If she never hit you... But you hit her... If someone was abused in that story, I think you were less than her. I think the whole relationship was based on mutual abuse. A bad employee going out with her boss, who wouldn't be kept by anyone else... That's abuse... But taking sex too far is abuse too. She didn't know how to use safe words to say no...

I don't do BDSM because even if I was the dominant one... I'd still be in the middle of an abusive situation... Even with conscent... Abuse play is abuse...


So if you want to beat a woman who enjoy it, who don't know how to say no, or who say no... It doesn't change the fact that you enjoy hitting women ... So I understand why Summers freaked out over it... I am shaken too. But I can't judge you because I want to murder...

There is a sort of bothersome irony in being the dominant, hitting a woman who don't know how to say no and might gave an irrational fear to lose her job... And feel abused...

I think you both got what you wanted in a painful way and it ended badly for both of you...

I think playing the darkest abusive games... You shouldn't be surprised if you end up abused too...

I don't think the relationship was based on communication, mutual respect & care... I don't think she could fully express herself... I think she accepted the abuse but it's still abuse... Still traumatic... Like a double edge sword... Like people eho do self harm... They end up hurt.

I think it'd be best to do bdsm with people who already know about ut and are confident enough to express their preferences...

If she left you when you stopped being her boss, it's probable that her kink was gone, or that she was only doing it for the job...

I'm sorry ... I like you Bunny... But I can't feel sorry that you were abused by a woman that you hit as her master in bdsm ... It's like being surprised that a prostitute leave with your money and doesn't call back...

That's the risk of fucking an employee... That's the risk of doing bdsm.

It's like the old sugar daddies complaining to me that the teenager didn't appreciate what he bought her... Of course not. She didn't work for it. She expects to be spoiled in exchange of sex with someone that she doesn't even like, with no self respect... So she won't respect things...

There are types of relationships that are based on an imbalance of power... And that often go sour.

I don't Know how to have a relationship of respect & tenderness... I was hoping to find out with summers... But he wasn't returning my hugs after I said something stupid... And now he's gone...

And if he's banned for saying that it's wrong to hit women... I'm very sad about it... He shouldn't have told you to ctb, but... That's why you're here...

I don't know what happened, only your ex sub knows and it'd be best to ask her... But that romance won't be in a disney movie soon... And it didn't make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

I think that she abused you to have you protect her job, but gave you mmore than she could bear sometimes to make up for it.

I'd suggest to find domeone already initiated in bdsm & build a relationship as lovers, not coworkers... But it might be simpler to stay single and do bdsm in special places for it with random strangers?

If I ever had a lover... I don't think I'd want to vent my rage on him... I'd just want him to hug tenderly my traumas away...

The only domination I need now is self control.

I'm sorry that your relationship ended badly, but it sounds like you enjoyed it a lot while it lasted. Good for you.

I wish Summers was hete to hug me. But I don't think he would even if he was still here. I prefer his rage at the idea of women being hit... Than your feeling of being sad that your sub abused you for money... Take comfort that you already hit her for it? That you had a relationship.... And a job... And health .. and someone who stayed with you even when you gave them your worst.

I Envy you... I feel so lonely... I don't think I could love even some prince on a white horse... Summer was a demon on a dragon... I loved you @summers... I was missing you before you left...

All I ever wanted was a hug. I'm sorry Summets that my fears made you feel accused of the worst... I was trying to say that in spite of all my fears... in spite of all the bad people I met... I love you...

I need a hug... Why must we always hurt the people we love... Like I did... Too...

I just want to feel safe, loved, cared about... I don't even feel cared about by my doctor... I've been hit by my mom, abused by men, harassed at work to the point of giving up my career... Why can't we just share tenderness as lovers...

And if we choose abuse... Can we really be surprised? If we choose harm... Can we really be surprised...

How can I stop feeling such agony... I poisonned everything I own, my home... How can I undo this... How can I stop being so unviable... Unlovable...

I wish someone could just hug me... And take N together... Since good things always end anyway...

I Can't bear being in pain nonstop... I want to die... You do it for fun? I wish someone could put me out of my misery...

I need a gentle hug... I need someone who understand my chemical problem and can fix it, can at least listen with compassion without telling me the problem is my personality... Invalidating me...

I wish I could hurt all the people who mocked my pain & gaslighted me.

Your life sounds fun... Being a boss, getting to hit pepole for fun and rhey stay with you...

People leave me when I ask for a hug...

I wish I could just Cbt...

I can't even blame you for summers because he could contact me on discord but he didn't care...

Nobody cares... They say they do... But in the end... They leave us without even a goodbye...

I'm sorry for us both. At least you got what you wanted...

He asked me what he could do, I adked for a hug, but he didn't... I wished to talk on zoom and share affection face to face... But he prefered to tell you to ctb than hug me and tell me to live (he did once though)

I'm jealous... You had his attention more than me...

He chose to focus on someone he hated instead of someone who loved him & lost everything...

I probably did it often too... So scared of mold I poisonned my new home...

I'm so fucking stupid.

I can't judge you. You wanted to share bdsm and did it... I can't tell you to be gentle because I fail to share anything at all. You had a relationship beating her far longer than me and Summers...

Why... Maybe it's like the matrix... They made one where everyone was happy, but it was a disaster, people expected to struggle & suffer... If someone gave me genuine affection I probably wouldn't believe it... Abusive relationships last longer... I guess fear is exciting...

I just want someone to hug me like a crying child & protect me... Make the pain go away or break my neck...

EVEn if I fix the poison I can't fix people's mean gaslight... Im broken... Mentally broken...

I stopped wanting anything... But I longed for a hug from summers...

Why did he defend women here instead to hug someone who missed him...

Because I'm unworthy and no one care for anyone?
 
freedompass

freedompass

Arcanist
Jan 27, 2021
413
I was really close to become a dominatrix into BDSM. I wanted to vent the rage of being abused as a child by men. But when I read that the sub must be the leader, and to never hit in anger... I realized that I was not into Bdsm but an enraged psycho. I went in the opposite direction, abstinence. I still can only reach orgasm if I imagine heterosexual men be raped by men or machines. I don't think I can make love. I have way too much pent up rage about sex. I don't think I'd respect a sub if I dud BDSM. I'd freaking crush them with disgust & entitlement. I would probably delude myself that they like it while ignoring their safe words. I'd relish their genuine screams of fear & agony. I'm not just scared of sex as what people could do to me... I'm also scared of what I could become if I went in that dark direction.

If the girl wasn't into BDSM so much that she forgot to use safe words... Then there is a risk that her only kink was to fuck her boss... And it degenerated into kinks faster than she could comprehend.

I had a lover into suffocation. I went with the flow out of love, not fully understanding what I got into. I had to wrap him in plastic, watch him suffocate, and pierce a hole when he nodded. He admitted that he almost let himself die. I would have ended up in jail for murder. It's the last time I did BDSM with him & anyone.

I think she sucked at her job... Kept losing them. She was desperate to keep this one.

You were her boss, you had a say in firing her. You could have told your boss that you hate how useless she is and she'd be fired, even if you didn't do it yourself. We have a strong belief that boss can even if they can't. Roleplaying about it... Reinforced it.

When a woman says she's fine... She's really not. There are memes about this.

@summers could have said more politely that women have been abused enough and should be treated with care & respect... But I don't think he deserved to be banned for it. He knows a lot of women who've been hurt badly... I am one of them...

I don't think she was trying to abuse you... I think she was desperate to please you to keep a job... I think she wanted her kink to do it with her boss... But she wasn't in a position to say no freely... As a woman (we have it rough).. As an employee trained to obey... As a lover... As a sub...

Maybe she left when you left because she feared to be fired for her incompetence without your protection. Maybe she was bullied & called a slut... I don't know the full story... But why not keep her as lover after...

Only she can know... But the dynamic was risky of her being hurt more than she could enjoy and being unable to say so...

It's hard to keep a job. It's hard for women to say no... Men can become violent, harass us, dismiss us with gaslight, just plain ignore it thinking we said yes... Or they don't ask & take...

It's hard to be a woman.

I need people like Summers to protect me... He went a bit too far telling you to ctb... But his heart was in the right place.

It's risky in BDSM to slip too far... And in these circumstances (Boss, bad at job, not knowing bdsm begore) it's even riskier...

If she never hit you... But you hit her... If someone was abused in that story, I think you were less than her. I think the whole relationship was based on mutual abuse. A bad employee going out with her boss, who wouldn't be kept by anyone else... That's abuse... But taking sex too far is abuse too. She didn't know how to use safe words to say no...

I don't do BDSM because even if I was the dominant one... I'd still be in the middle of an abusive situation... Even with conscent... Abuse play is abuse...


So if you want to beat a woman who enjoy it, who don't know how to say no, or who say no... It doesn't change the fact that you enjoy hitting women ... So I understand why Summers freaked out over it... I am shaken too. But I can't judge you because I want to murder...

There is a sort of bothersome irony in being the dominant, hitting a woman who don't know how to say no and might gave an irrational fear to lose her job... And feel abused...

I think you both got what you wanted in a painful way and it ended badly for both of you...

I think playing the darkest abusive games... You shouldn't be surprised if you end up abused too...

I don't think the relationship was based on communication, mutual respect & care... I don't think she could fully express herself... I think she accepted the abuse but it's still abuse... Still traumatic... Like a double edge sword... Like people eho do self harm... They end up hurt.

I think it'd be best to do bdsm with people who already know about ut and are confident enough to express their preferences...

If she left you when you stopped being her boss, it's probable that her kink was gone, or that she was only doing it for the job...

I'm sorry ... I like you Bunny... But I can't feel sorry that you were abused by a woman that you hit as her master in bdsm ... It's like being surprised that a prostitute leave with your money and doesn't call back...

That's the risk of fucking an employee... That's the risk of doing bdsm.

It's like the old sugar daddies complaining to me that the teenager didn't appreciate what he bought her... Of course not. She didn't work for it. She expects to be spoiled in exchange of sex with someone that she doesn't even like, with no self respect... So she won't respect things...

There are types of relationships that are based on an imbalance of power... And that often go sour.

I don't Know how to have a relationship of respect & tenderness... I was hoping to find out with summers... But he wasn't returning my hugs after I said something stupid... And now he's gone...

And if he's banned for saying that it's wrong to hit women... I'm very sad about it... He shouldn't have told you to ctb, but... That's why you're here...

I don't know what happened, only your ex sub knows and it'd be best to ask her... But that romance won't be in a disney movie soon... And it didn't make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

I think that she abused you to have you protect her job, but gave you mmore than she could bear sometimes to make up for it.

I'd suggest to find domeone already initiated in bdsm & build a relationship as lovers, not coworkers... But it might be simpler to stay single and do bdsm in special places for it with random strangers?

If I ever had a lover... I don't think I'd want to vent my rage on him... I'd just want him to hug tenderly my traumas away...

The only domination I need now is self control.

I'm sorry that your relationship ended badly, but it sounds like you enjoyed it a lot while it lasted. Good for you.

I wish Summers was hete to hug me. But I don't think he would even if he was still here. I prefer his rage at the idea of women being hit... Than your feeling of being sad that your sub abused you for money... Take comfort that you already hit her for it? That you had a relationship.... And a job... And health .. and someone who stayed with you even when you gave them your worst.

I Envy you... I feel so lonely... I don't think I could love even some prince on a white horse... Summer was a demon on a dragon... I loved you @summers... I was missing you before you left...

All I ever wanted was a hug. I'm sorry Summets that my fears made you feel accused of the worst... I was trying to say that in spite of all my fears... in spite of all the bad people I met... I love you...

I need a hug... Why must we always hurt the people we love... Like I did... Too...

I just want to feel safe, loved, cared about... I don't even feel cared about by my doctor... I've been hit by my mom, abused by men, harassed at work to the point of giving up my career... Why can't we just share tenderness as lovers...

And if we choose abuse... Can we really be surprised? If we choose harm... Can we really be surprised...

How can I stop feeling such agony... I poisonned everything I own, my home... How can I undo this... How can I stop being so unviable... Unlovable...

I wish someone could just hug me... And take N together... Since good things always end anyway...

I Can't bear being in pain nonstop... I want to die... You do it for fun? I wish someone could put me out of my misery...

I need a gentle hug... I need someone who understand my chemical problem and can fix it, can at least listen with compassion without telling me the problem is my personality... Invalidating me...

I wish I could hurt all the people who mocked my pain & gaslighted me.

Your life sounds fun... Being a boss, getting to hit pepole for fun and rhey stay with you...

People leave me when I ask for a hug...

I wish I could just Cbt...

I can't even blame you for summers because he could contact me on discord but he didn't care...

Nobody cares... They say they do... But in the end... They leave us without even a goodbye...

I'm sorry for us both. At least you got what you wanted...

He asked me what he could do, I adked for a hug, but he didn't... I wished to talk on zoom and share affection face to face... But he prefered to tell you to ctb than hug me and tell me to live (he did once though)

I'm jealous... You had his attention more than me...

He chose to focus on someone he hated instead of someone who loved him & lost everything...

I probably did it often too... So scared of mold I poisonned my new home...

I'm so fucking stupid.

I can't judge you. You wanted to share bdsm and did it... I can't tell you to be gentle because I fail to share anything at all. You had a relationship beating her far longer than me and Summers...

Why... Maybe it's like the matrix... They made one where everyone was happy, but it was a disaster, people expected to struggle & suffer... If someone gave me genuine affection I probably wouldn't believe it... Abusive relationships last longer... I guess fear is exciting...

I just want someone to hug me like a crying child & protect me... Make the pain go away or break my neck...

EVEn if I fix the poison I can't fix people's mean gaslight... Im broken... Mentally broken...

I stopped wanting anything... But I longed for a hug from summers...

Why did he defend women here instead to hug someone who missed him...

Because I'm unworthy and no one care for anyone?
I hear the anguish you are in. It’s unfortunate that the more needy we appear, the faster people will back off. It’s human nature, nothing to do with our worth as a person. People always say learn to love yourself first and I know how annoying that can be. However I think you have the right idea in staying away from intimate relationships until you stabilise your life and find some balance of mind.

I speak from experience. I’ve commented before that I wish I had had your mindset back when I was in the full flood of bipolar, psychosis and BPD and just an all around emotional mess in the supposed ‘prime of my life’. Seriously I would have done better to abstain.
 
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emgrl

emgrl

Experienced
Aug 6, 2022
244
I was really close to become a dominatrix into BDSM. I wanted to vent the rage of being abused as a child by men. But when I read that the sub must be the leader, and to never hit in anger... I realized that I was not into Bdsm but an enraged psycho. I went in the opposite direction, abstinence. I still can only reach orgasm if I imagine heterosexual men be raped by men or machines. I don't think I can make love. I have way too much pent up rage about sex. I don't think I'd respect a sub if I dud BDSM. I'd freaking crush them with disgust & entitlement. I would probably delude myself that they like it while ignoring their safe words. I'd relish their genuine screams of fear & agony. I'm not just scared of sex as what people could do to me... I'm also scared of what I could become if I went in that dark direction.

If the girl wasn't into BDSM so much that she forgot to use safe words... Then there is a risk that her only kink was to fuck her boss... And it degenerated into kinks faster than she could comprehend.

I had a lover into suffocation. I went with the flow out of love, not fully understanding what I got into. I had to wrap him in plastic, watch him suffocate, and pierce a hole when he nodded. He admitted that he almost let himself die. I would have ended up in jail for murder. It's the last time I did BDSM with him & anyone.

I think she sucked at her job... Kept losing them. She was desperate to keep this one.

You were her boss, you had a say in firing her. You could have told your boss that you hate how useless she is and she'd be fired, even if you didn't do it yourself. We have a strong belief that boss can even if they can't. Roleplaying about it... Reinforced it.

When a woman says she's fine... She's really not. There are memes about this.

@summers could have said more politely that women have been abused enough and should be treated with care & respect... But I don't think he deserved to be banned for it. He knows a lot of women who've been hurt badly... I am one of them...

I don't think she was trying to abuse you... I think she was desperate to please you to keep a job... I think she wanted her kink to do it with her boss... But she wasn't in a position to say no freely... As a woman (we have it rough).. As an employee trained to obey... As a lover... As a sub...

Maybe she left when you left because she feared to be fired for her incompetence without your protection. Maybe she was bullied & called a slut... I don't know the full story... But why not keep her as lover after...

Only she can know... But the dynamic was risky of her being hurt more than she could enjoy and being unable to say so...

It's hard to keep a job. It's hard for women to say no... Men can become violent, harass us, dismiss us with gaslight, just plain ignore it thinking we said yes... Or they don't ask & take...

It's hard to be a woman.

I need people like Summers to protect me... He went a bit too far telling you to ctb... But his heart was in the right place.

It's risky in BDSM to slip too far... And in these circumstances (Boss, bad at job, not knowing bdsm begore) it's even riskier...

If she never hit you... But you hit her... If someone was abused in that story, I think you were less than her. I think the whole relationship was based on mutual abuse. A bad employee going out with her boss, who wouldn't be kept by anyone else... That's abuse... But taking sex too far is abuse too. She didn't know how to use safe words to say no...

I don't do BDSM because even if I was the dominant one... I'd still be in the middle of an abusive situation... Even with conscent... Abuse play is abuse...


So if you want to beat a woman who enjoy it, who don't know how to say no, or who say no... It doesn't change the fact that you enjoy hitting women ... So I understand why Summers freaked out over it... I am shaken too. But I can't judge you because I want to murder...

There is a sort of bothersome irony in being the dominant, hitting a woman who don't know how to say no and might gave an irrational fear to lose her job... And feel abused...

I think you both got what you wanted in a painful way and it ended badly for both of you...

I think playing the darkest abusive games... You shouldn't be surprised if you end up abused too...

I don't think the relationship was based on communication, mutual respect & care... I don't think she could fully express herself... I think she accepted the abuse but it's still abuse... Still traumatic... Like a double edge sword... Like people eho do self harm... They end up hurt.

I think it'd be best to do bdsm with people who already know about ut and are confident enough to express their preferences...

If she left you when you stopped being her boss, it's probable that her kink was gone, or that she was only doing it for the job...

I'm sorry ... I like you Bunny... But I can't feel sorry that you were abused by a woman that you hit as her master in bdsm ... It's like being surprised that a prostitute leave with your money and doesn't call back...

That's the risk of fucking an employee... That's the risk of doing bdsm.

It's like the old sugar daddies complaining to me that the teenager didn't appreciate what he bought her... Of course not. She didn't work for it. She expects to be spoiled in exchange of sex with someone that she doesn't even like, with no self respect... So she won't respect things...

There are types of relationships that are based on an imbalance of power... And that often go sour.

I don't Know how to have a relationship of respect & tenderness... I was hoping to find out with summers... But he wasn't returning my hugs after I said something stupid... And now he's gone...

And if he's banned for saying that it's wrong to hit women... I'm very sad about it... He shouldn't have told you to ctb, but... That's why you're here...

I don't know what happened, only your ex sub knows and it'd be best to ask her... But that romance won't be in a disney movie soon... And it didn't make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

I think that she abused you to have you protect her job, but gave you mmore than she could bear sometimes to make up for it.

I'd suggest to find domeone already initiated in bdsm & build a relationship as lovers, not coworkers... But it might be simpler to stay single and do bdsm in special places for it with random strangers?

If I ever had a lover... I don't think I'd want to vent my rage on him... I'd just want him to hug tenderly my traumas away...

The only domination I need now is self control.

I'm sorry that your relationship ended badly, but it sounds like you enjoyed it a lot while it lasted. Good for you.

I wish Summers was hete to hug me. But I don't think he would even if he was still here. I prefer his rage at the idea of women being hit... Than your feeling of being sad that your sub abused you for money... Take comfort that you already hit her for it? That you had a relationship.... And a job... And health .. and someone who stayed with you even when you gave them your worst.

I Envy you... I feel so lonely... I don't think I could love even some prince on a white horse... Summer was a demon on a dragon... I loved you @summers... I was missing you before you left...

All I ever wanted was a hug. I'm sorry Summets that my fears made you feel accused of the worst... I was trying to say that in spite of all my fears... in spite of all the bad people I met... I love you...

I need a hug... Why must we always hurt the people we love... Like I did... Too...

I just want to feel safe, loved, cared about... I don't even feel cared about by my doctor... I've been hit by my mom, abused by men, harassed at work to the point of giving up my career... Why can't we just share tenderness as lovers...

And if we choose abuse... Can we really be surprised? If we choose harm... Can we really be surprised...

How can I stop feeling such agony... I poisonned everything I own, my home... How can I undo this... How can I stop being so unviable... Unlovable...

I wish someone could just hug me... And take N together... Since good things always end anyway...

I Can't bear being in pain nonstop... I want to die... You do it for fun? I wish someone could put me out of my misery...

I need a gentle hug... I need someone who understand my chemical problem and can fix it, can at least listen with compassion without telling me the problem is my personality... Invalidating me...

I wish I could hurt all the people who mocked my pain & gaslighted me.

Your life sounds fun... Being a boss, getting to hit pepole for fun and rhey stay with you...

People leave me when I ask for a hug...

I wish I could just Cbt...

I can't even blame you for summers because he could contact me on discord but he didn't care...

Nobody cares... They say they do... But in the end... They leave us without even a goodbye...

I'm sorry for us both. At least you got what you wanted...

He asked me what he could do, I adked for a hug, but he didn't... I wished to talk on zoom and share affection face to face... But he prefered to tell you to ctb than hug me and tell me to live (he did once though)

I'm jealous... You had his attention more than me...

He chose to focus on someone he hated instead of someone who loved him & lost everything...

I probably did it often too... So scared of mold I poisonned my new home...

I'm so fucking stupid.

I can't judge you. You wanted to share bdsm and did it... I can't tell you to be gentle because I fail to share anything at all. You had a relationship beating her far longer than me and Summers...

Why... Maybe it's like the matrix... They made one where everyone was happy, but it was a disaster, people expected to struggle & suffer... If someone gave me genuine affection I probably wouldn't believe it... Abusive relationships last longer... I guess fear is exciting...

I just want someone to hug me like a crying child & protect me... Make the pain go away or break my neck...

EVEn if I fix the poison I can't fix people's mean gaslight... Im broken... Mentally broken...

I stopped wanting anything... But I longed for a hug from summers...

Why did he defend women here instead to hug someone who missed him...

Because I'm unworthy and no one care for anyone?
I love you, and I’m sending you all of my huggggs… ❤️
 
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Suicidebydeath

Suicidebydeath

Will survive somehow
Nov 25, 2021
981
I just want someone to hug me like a crying child & protect me... Make the pain go away or break my neck...
That was beautiful to read, I read all of it. Sending you hugs too and hope you receive more.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
453
I was really close to become a dominatrix into BDSM. I wanted to vent the rage of being abused as a child by men. But when I read that the sub must be the leader, and to never hit in anger... I realized that I was not into Bdsm but an enraged psycho. I went in the opposite direction, abstinence. I still can only reach orgasm if I imagine heterosexual men be raped by men or machines. I don't think I can make love. I have way too much pent up rage about sex. I don't think I'd respect a sub if I dud BDSM. I'd freaking crush them with disgust & entitlement. I would probably delude myself that they like it while ignoring their safe words. I'd relish their genuine screams of fear & agony. I'm not just scared of sex as what people could do to me... I'm also scared of what I could become if I went in that dark direction.

If the girl wasn't into BDSM so much that she forgot to use safe words... Then there is a risk that her only kink was to fuck her boss... And it degenerated into kinks faster than she could comprehend.

I had a lover into suffocation. I went with the flow out of love, not fully understanding what I got into. I had to wrap him in plastic, watch him suffocate, and pierce a hole when he nodded. He admitted that he almost let himself die. I would have ended up in jail for murder. It's the last time I did BDSM with him & anyone.

I think she sucked at her job... Kept losing them. She was desperate to keep this one.

You were her boss, you had a say in firing her. You could have told your boss that you hate how useless she is and she'd be fired, even if you didn't do it yourself. We have a strong belief that boss can even if they can't. Roleplaying about it... Reinforced it.

When a woman says she's fine... She's really not. There are memes about this.

@summers could have said more politely that women have been abused enough and should be treated with care & respect... But I don't think he deserved to be banned for it. He knows a lot of women who've been hurt badly... I am one of them...

I don't think she was trying to abuse you... I think she was desperate to please you to keep a job... I think she wanted her kink to do it with her boss... But she wasn't in a position to say no freely... As a woman (we have it rough).. As an employee trained to obey... As a lover... As a sub...

Maybe she left when you left because she feared to be fired for her incompetence without your protection. Maybe she was bullied & called a slut... I don't know the full story... But why not keep her as lover after...

Only she can know... But the dynamic was risky of her being hurt more than she could enjoy and being unable to say so...

It's hard to keep a job. It's hard for women to say no... Men can become violent, harass us, dismiss us with gaslight, just plain ignore it thinking we said yes... Or they don't ask & take...

It's hard to be a woman.

I need people like Summers to protect me... He went a bit too far telling you to ctb... But his heart was in the right place.

It's risky in BDSM to slip too far... And in these circumstances (Boss, bad at job, not knowing bdsm begore) it's even riskier...

If she never hit you... But you hit her... If someone was abused in that story, I think you were less than her. I think the whole relationship was based on mutual abuse. A bad employee going out with her boss, who wouldn't be kept by anyone else... That's abuse... But taking sex too far is abuse too. She didn't know how to use safe words to say no...

I don't do BDSM because even if I was the dominant one... I'd still be in the middle of an abusive situation... Even with conscent... Abuse play is abuse...


So if you want to beat a woman who enjoy it, who don't know how to say no, or who say no... It doesn't change the fact that you enjoy hitting women ... So I understand why Summers freaked out over it... I am shaken too. But I can't judge you because I want to murder...

There is a sort of bothersome irony in being the dominant, hitting a woman who don't know how to say no and might gave an irrational fear to lose her job... And feel abused...

I think you both got what you wanted in a painful way and it ended badly for both of you...

I think playing the darkest abusive games... You shouldn't be surprised if you end up abused too...

I don't think the relationship was based on communication, mutual respect & care... I don't think she could fully express herself... I think she accepted the abuse but it's still abuse... Still traumatic... Like a double edge sword... Like people eho do self harm... They end up hurt.

I think it'd be best to do bdsm with people who already know about ut and are confident enough to express their preferences...

If she left you when you stopped being her boss, it's probable that her kink was gone, or that she was only doing it for the job...

I'm sorry ... I like you Bunny... But I can't feel sorry that you were abused by a woman that you hit as her master in bdsm ... It's like being surprised that a prostitute leave with your money and doesn't call back...

That's the risk of fucking an employee... That's the risk of doing bdsm.

It's like the old sugar daddies complaining to me that the teenager didn't appreciate what he bought her... Of course not. She didn't work for it. She expects to be spoiled in exchange of sex with someone that she doesn't even like, with no self respect... So she won't respect things...

There are types of relationships that are based on an imbalance of power... And that often go sour.

I don't Know how to have a relationship of respect & tenderness... I was hoping to find out with summers... But he wasn't returning my hugs after I said something stupid... And now he's gone...

And if he's banned for saying that it's wrong to hit women... I'm very sad about it... He shouldn't have told you to ctb, but... That's why you're here...

I don't know what happened, only your ex sub knows and it'd be best to ask her... But that romance won't be in a disney movie soon... And it didn't make me feel warm & fuzzy inside.

I think that she abused you to have you protect her job, but gave you mmore than she could bear sometimes to make up for it.

I'd suggest to find domeone already initiated in bdsm & build a relationship as lovers, not coworkers... But it might be simpler to stay single and do bdsm in special places for it with random strangers?

If I ever had a lover... I don't think I'd want to vent my rage on him... I'd just want him to hug tenderly my traumas away...

The only domination I need now is self control.

I'm sorry that your relationship ended badly, but it sounds like you enjoyed it a lot while it lasted. Good for you.

I wish Summers was hete to hug me. But I don't think he would even if he was still here. I prefer his rage at the idea of women being hit... Than your feeling of being sad that your sub abused you for money... Take comfort that you already hit her for it? That you had a relationship.... And a job... And health .. and someone who stayed with you even when you gave them your worst.

I Envy you... I feel so lonely... I don't think I could love even some prince on a white horse... Summer was a demon on a dragon... I loved you @summers... I was missing you before you left...

All I ever wanted was a hug. I'm sorry Summets that my fears made you feel accused of the worst... I was trying to say that in spite of all my fears... in spite of all the bad people I met... I love you...

I need a hug... Why must we always hurt the people we love... Like I did... Too...

I just want to feel safe, loved, cared about... I don't even feel cared about by my doctor... I've been hit by my mom, abused by men, harassed at work to the point of giving up my career... Why can't we just share tenderness as lovers...

And if we choose abuse... Can we really be surprised? If we choose harm... Can we really be surprised...

How can I stop feeling such agony... I poisonned everything I own, my home... How can I undo this... How can I stop being so unviable... Unlovable...

I wish someone could just hug me... And take N together... Since good things always end anyway...

I Can't bear being in pain nonstop... I want to die... You do it for fun? I wish someone could put me out of my misery...

I need a gentle hug... I need someone who understand my chemical problem and can fix it, can at least listen with compassion without telling me the problem is my personality... Invalidating me...

I wish I could hurt all the people who mocked my pain & gaslighted me.

Your life sounds fun... Being a boss, getting to hit pepole for fun and rhey stay with you...

People leave me when I ask for a hug...

I wish I could just Cbt...

I can't even blame you for summers because he could contact me on discord but he didn't care...

Nobody cares... They say they do... But in the end... They leave us without even a goodbye...

I'm sorry for us both. At least you got what you wanted...

He asked me what he could do, I adked for a hug, but he didn't... I wished to talk on zoom and share affection face to face... But he prefered to tell you to ctb than hug me and tell me to live (he did once though)

I'm jealous... You had his attention more than me...

He chose to focus on someone he hated instead of someone who loved him & lost everything...

I probably did it often too... So scared of mold I poisonned my new home...

I'm so fucking stupid.

I can't judge you. You wanted to share bdsm and did it... I can't tell you to be gentle because I fail to share anything at all. You had a relationship beating her far longer than me and Summers...

Why... Maybe it's like the matrix... They made one where everyone was happy, but it was a disaster, people expected to struggle & suffer... If someone gave me genuine affection I probably wouldn't believe it... Abusive relationships last longer... I guess fear is exciting...

I just want someone to hug me like a crying child & protect me... Make the pain go away or break my neck...

EVEn if I fix the poison I can't fix people's mean gaslight... Im broken... Mentally broken...

I stopped wanting anything... But I longed for a hug from summers...

Why did he defend women here instead to hug someone who missed him...

Because I'm unworthy and no one care for anyone?
Beautiful post, love you and send you a big hug.