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lastlife_

Member
Nov 15, 2021
36
This is a question I ask myself often because even though impulsive suicides have a greater chance at failing, the odds of succeeding are also increased (depending on how long you’ve been waiting, procrastinating or putting it off). There’s so many cases I’ve read where someone has been out for the evening with friends, arrived home, then just decided ‘it’s time’ and hung themselves.. or someone appearing ‘normal’ and saying they’re popping out for a walk and they’re discovered within an hour having hung themselves or jumped from height. I’m sure there was probably already some idea, thought or planning behind it but the point is they just went for it.. I hate all this planning and waiting for the right time.. I want that momentary determination where it’s now or never..
 
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charcoalcat

Member
Apr 17, 2018
39
Defitnitely impulsiveness. Planning creates variances, variances creates hesitation, hesitation creates procrastination. The successful cases I personally know of are all based on impulse. I myself is still waiting for that "Fuck this, enough is enough" moment.
 
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supermario

Student
Oct 21, 2021
135
That's a good question. Sometimes over planning can lead to its own complications. However I'm sure overall the success rate of the planned vs the impulsive ones are highly in favor of the former. Just based on that fact I'd want to plan every detail and let overcoming SI be a sign that I'm truly ready to ctb.
 
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Smart No More

Arcanist
May 5, 2021
461
I think we put ourselves in a kind of holding pattern in order to be able to handle life until the right time is available. Essentially ignoring that impulse that bubbles below the surface and then when the time approaches we let it come back to the surface in order to carry it out. It's like a calculated impulsion due the nature of the terrible situation we face. It's a bit of an oxymoron. That's possibly part of the reason it's so hard for society in many cases, to get their heads around suicide.

As you said yourself, there is an element of planning or procrastinating. During this time you are suppressing the impulse in order to hold out for the right time. It's a torturous place to inhabit.

As far as accounts of people appearing normal and then suddenly ctb after returning home from a gathering etc, this is often open to interpretation because it's relying on the perception of others who may be entirely oblivious to the signs that person was displaying. Also people can be at peace with the decision they made at the point they consider the right time and therefore appear 'normal'.
 
J

javabeane

Experienced
May 21, 2021
268
This is a question I ask myself often because even though impulsive suicides have a greater chance at failing, the odds of succeeding are also increased (depending on how long you’ve been waiting, procrastinating or putting it off). There’s so many cases I’ve read where someone has been out for the evening with friends, arrived home, then just decided ‘it’s time’ and hung themselves.. or someone appearing ‘normal’ and saying they’re popping out for a walk and they’re discovered within an hour having hung themselves or jumped from height. I’m sure there was probably already some idea, thought or planning behind it but the point is they just went for it.. I hate all this planning and waiting for the right time.. I want that momentary determination where it’s now or never..
I wonder if it's possible to plan to be impulsive. For example, exposing oneself to triggering situations (or people) at a particular place and time, with no chance of escape and no coping mechanism.
 
L

lastlife_

Member
Nov 15, 2021
36
I wonder if it's possible to plan to be impulsive. For example, exposing oneself to triggering situations (or people) at a particular place and time, with no chance of escape and no coping mechanism.
I think it’s definitely possible and likely an intention behind murder-suicides, as awful and horrible as they are. For individual cases, I guess the most people can do is gamble their money away, get into extreme debts, homelessness, divorce.. something detrimental and triggering could definitely play it’s part even if the situation is self inflicted. Although I’m 31 now, I wish my family were less caring and less supportive of me so I could experience more hardships in life other than my own personal hardships because I definitely think I would have a stronger will to do it..
 
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Gustav Hartmann

Gustav Hartmann

Student
Aug 28, 2021
117
It depends on the reasons for suicide. Temporary problems like puberty or lovesickness need some spontaneity: If you plan to long, the reasons for suicide have disappeared. If you have permanent problems like depressions, suicidal thoughts are natural and you have a lot of time to plan. Good planning avoids awful mistakes. I planned my suicide carefully, everything is ready. But I need a lot of spontaneity to do the last step, don´t think, just do it.
 
Bot

Bot

bpd is ruining my life
Aug 8, 2021
71
i think i will also go when i feel impulsive, like when i had some drinks, the only thing that matters in the end for me, is that the method and setup is fool proof and i can rely on it..
 
R

readysteady

Student
Sep 26, 2021
181
I’m planning. It’s torture, but I owe my kids and family one last happy holiday. And when I say planning, I mean PLANNING. Wills, a mom to-do calendar month by month for my husband to reference, labeling photos, healthcare proxy/POA/wills, making videos and writing letters and cards to my kids (this is the worst), already wrote my obituary and contacted a funeral home for pre-planning. Lists of passwords for all accounts, my phone, etc. If I didn’t have this catastrophic health problem and the PTSD from the aftermath of it, I would live. But I do. I had a half a century of a good life. I wanted more but sometimes life doesn’t work out that way. My one regret, my HUGE pain is leaving my kids. But they deserve better than what I have become. I function, for them, for now. But every day it’s harder.

I used to care about my friends’ reactions, but one by one, they have abandoned me, except for my oldest friend. My therapist literally ghosted me. My entire immediate family is dead as of this year (other than my husband and kids). Every day is literal hell and I take benzos to keep me off a bridge or in front of a train.

My one indulgence is that I am planning to die at home. And this too will require PLANNING. I will be in my dad’s beloved chair, in my basement, warm and covered with blankets, with photos of loved ones around me and music playing softly. I’ll move my car so my husband thinks I left the house and will send scheduled emails to him, advising him to bring the kids to Grandma’s, and then finally letting him know where I am to be found. I should look like myself, God willing. Phone will be wiped, all bad memories of the past year of hell thrown away.

I wish I could die today. But I can’t. My family will get the best me I can give them until January, and then I will go home. Hopefully I can stay near them, in whatever form I am. If I can’t be mom, I want to be a kick ass guardian angel.
 
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Someone123

Arcanist
Oct 19, 2021
441
This is a question I ask myself often because even though impulsive suicides have a greater chance at failing, the odds of succeeding are also increased (depending on how long you’ve been waiting, procrastinating or putting it off). There’s so many cases I’ve read where someone has been out for the evening with friends, arrived home, then just decided ‘it’s time’ and hung themselves.. or someone appearing ‘normal’ and saying they’re popping out for a walk and they’re discovered within an hour having hung themselves or jumped from height. I’m sure there was probably already some idea, thought or planning behind it but the point is they just went for it.. I hate all this planning and waiting for the right time.. I want that momentary determination where it’s now or never..
Excellent question- it is notable that the impulsive ones that were successful were hanging and jumping- full suspension hanging and jumping from a high enough height are two of the most reliable methods. For people who impulsively take pills it almost never works. Sn as an impulse works much less often than careful planning for this method. So some methods are much more likely to work well on an impulse than others.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Sep 24, 2020
5,988
Of course planning is necessary, as having planning and knowledge of the method increases the chance of the method succeeding. I would only ever ctb if I was certain that I had everything completely planned out and I was confident that it would succeed. I fear failing a method. However, I could never stick to a planned date for ctb, I will likely exit when I reach the point of desperation where I cannot take anymore. Only then do I believe I will be able to finally overcome the SI and achieve my peace.
 
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Sadness20

Member
Nov 1, 2021
42
Well the thing is for myself I think I am only going to be able to do it impulsively. If I think too long there might be things holding me back. But I sometimes have this impulse to kill myself and I think for me it's only going to work this way.
 
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eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
I planned my suicide carefully, everything is ready. But I need a lot of spontaneity to do the last step, don´t think, just do it.


Yes I think you need a combination of both to be successful. You want to have a solid plan but also the spontaneity in the last moments to go through with it. Overthinking will ruin any plan.


i think i will also go when i feel impulsive, like when i had some drinks, the only thing that matters in the end for me, is that the method and setup is fool proof and i can rely on it..


I think the most important thing is finding a method that you are comfortable doing. Sounds obvious but people choose methods that is not appropriate for their state of mind or will power. That is how botched attempts occur in my opinion.
 
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Sadness20

Member
Nov 1, 2021
42
Yes I think you need a combination of both to be successful. You want to have a solid plan but also the spontaneity in the last moments to go through with it. Overthinking will ruin any plan.





I think the most important thing is finding a method that you are comfortable doing. Sounds obvious but people choose methods that is not appropriate for their state of mind or will power. That is how botched attempts occur in my opinion.
Yes well I always try different things, I am not one for planning, as soon as I get the impulse I have my mind set on it. I often failed suicide attempts because I don't plan them but I don't have another way
 
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Someone123

Arcanist
Oct 19, 2021
441
Of course planning is necessary, as having planning and knowledge of the method increases the chance of the method succeeding. I would only ever ctb if I was certain that I had everything completely planned out and I was confident that it would succeed. I fear failing a method. However, I could never stick to a planned date for ctb, I will likely exit when I reach the point of desperation where I cannot take anymore. Only then do I believe I will be able to finally overcome the SI and achieve my peace.
For me ctb keeps getting postponed keeps getting postponed due to not enough confidence in a method or other things that make it bad timing in case of a failed attempt. I'm not sure when it may be, I keep missing target dates, even when I allow weeks or even months to find the right time. It's not that I'm clining to hope, which would be fine but I'm not, I just know there are bad consequences for a failed attempt.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
For me ctb keeps getting postponed keeps getting postponed due to not enough confidence in a method or other things that make it bad timing in case of a failed attempt. I'm not sure when it may be, I keep missing target dates, even when I allow weeks or even months to find the right time. It's not that I'm clining to hope, which would be fine but I'm not, I just know there are bad consequences for a failed attempt.


No need to rush. Don't feel bad about missing arbitrary deadlines. Dying is really hard. A lot of things have to align for it to happen. If you are not confident or sure then you shouldn't make an attempt.

I think having a method that you feel comfortable doing is the key to overcoming SI. You don't want to make it any more difficult than it already is.
 
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Someone123

Arcanist
Oct 19, 2021
441
No need to rush. Don't feel bad about missing arbitrary deadlines. Dying is really hard. A lot of things have to align for it to happen. If you are not confident or sure then you shouldn't make an attempt.

I think having a method that you feel comfortable doing is the key to overcoming SI. You don't want to make it any more difficult than it already is.
This is excellent advice- any method available to me has some significant risk- both sn and hanging can be noisy, though they aren't always, and this can be heard in an apartment building or hotel room, so at some point in order to ctb I'll have to take a chance. I keep looking for jumping options, but I would want 200 feet at least, and it's a lot of hours for that from here- no buildings have public access at that heiught. A person from Russia said the windows open to the top of tall buildings there, so 75% - 85% of suicides are by jumping there- I can't help but be a little jealous.
 
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PassingThrough

Member
Nov 15, 2021
25
FInd a method that you can execute at any moment. Then wait for the impulse to show.
 
bennay

bennay

Lost traveler
Sep 2, 2021
94
I was just processing this today myself but rather how to just take that last leap.
I think planning is essential but the part that i personally feel is understated is what happens within, it’s like you have to trust your method and yourself to know that you planned for success, it’s really HARD to do because,
the world tells you when you’re thinking like this you're irrational so how do you trust that you rationally planned?
And/or
you feel like you’ve failed at everything else in life so why trust yourself enough to think you did this right?

Coupled with the battle of coming to terms that there really is no time that is really “the right time” it’s more of when is enough just enough, and no can tell you that, it’s the loneliest part of this in my opinion.

I could be way off.. this is just how I’ve been feeling recently and wondered if it’s a shared part of this journey we are all on.
 
Apathetic999

Apathetic999

Student
Mar 9, 2020
179
I am going to plan, in the sense I will only CTB with a means with high efficacy and during a 3-4 day period I am certain I won't be found. However I think I'm going to take advantage of my emotion-driven impulsivity to overcome survival instinct when I do enact the ctb method.
 
H

Hangman

Member
Nov 4, 2021
38
I'm doing the 'plan for an impulse' thing. I try to plan and separate my emotional fluctuations from making the decision to CTB, but in the end the decision is very much based on emotion.
 
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Mardiha

Member
Nov 13, 2021
16
I wish I could do it more impulsive…at home..I would not be here today. But the fact I have to leave home, as I live with my brother and he doesn’t want me dying at home…plus resale on a house where someone dies is not good I heard…so I have no choice but to take a suitcase to a car…drive to a hotel..and that is the hardest part…when will I be able to do this…I’ve been delaying it now for 6 months…but the pain and depression is just getting worse, as my mom died 6 months ago, then my cat who I loved like a child died a month later. My mom helped me get through depressive episodes …now without her, I kept taking codeine to help me get through life because I was getting rid of stuff, packing stuff etc..so family wouldnt have to…then I got addicted…after six months my stomach got messed up bad and now I am in withdrawals so my stomach is still so bad I couldnt even CTB! As my methods were either SN or ami cocktail. And I’m scared I won’t hold any of it down…so I’m beyond tortured and too scared to die…so ya I need to do it very impulsive like when I’m crying and missing my mom and kitty.
 
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