thetwilightzone

thetwilightzone

-
Jul 14, 2018
307
Hope it doesn't come off as an arrogant question but I was really wondering. One of the things that 'sobers' me up to why I want to end my life is that I don't see a point in continuing if sober. I don't abuse drugs to the point where I lose control (actually use them to self-medicate so I become less angry and my mind is calm) but I definitely use them when I can which my parents think is excessive.

I've been sober for 5 months without anything and I'm getting more and more suicidal by the day. Life is so terrible without any cash to do anything or without being able to alter my mood. I'm out of luck being unemployed and not being able to receive welfare.

I was excited these past months because I could have found a job and at least where I live in Europe, take drugs on the job and pass (I know that American employers do drug tests). If that can't happen then I think I'd rather be run over by a truck.

I've been thinking though long term, my mother tells me "All I know is how to live a happy life is not to do drugs or crime" but I doubt that for because my mother claims she's successful but very ignorant, anti-LGBT, has a failed and non-existent relationship with her father and even admitted to me that she would want death if not for her extended family (sister and her family. She doesn't give a shit about me really, she said she's given up on me).

So given that, it seems that she's only alive because of her family.

Her aside, I do acknowledge that there are people that are happy without drugs and don't kill themselves simply because they enjoy life but they are rare and seem to have a special talent. Most other people always say shit like "I don't like life but suicide is the most selfish thing one can do". and spew out platitudes of how someone has it worse.

This must be proof that life itself is inherently not worth it. Drugs don't solve issue but take your problems away for a while. It's better than the alternative.
 
L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,873
I'm referring to brain chemicals in my answer. As someone who suffered from anhedonia, there is no happiness when one lacks the brain chemicals.
 
Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
Like .01 percent of people have these amazing lives, of travel, entertainment, everything you'd do if money was no object. The rest of us live these horridly dreary desperately wretched lives. Its all just a facade, a fantasy that will never be.
 
Threads

Threads

Warlock
Jul 13, 2018
724
Yeah. It's possible.

I was sober for 15 months from alcohol, and I haven't fucked with drugs in over 18 months.

Drugs help though, they help in different ways. I probably would do well without a downer substance.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
Yes I think u can, but maybe if you had all your needs met properly in your formative years and u were not dealing with unresolved trauma it would be easier. Although I do think some people become addicts easier regardless of their early life. There is lots of evidence that says early childhood trauma is a big factor in creating dependence on substances.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I couldn’t tolerate how I was feeling today and ate a little bit of mushrooms that I’d gotten from a friend. It hasn’t kicked in yet. It does help with feeling really depressed. It lifts that really bad self consciousness. Does anybody know wat I mean? Where u cannot tolerate yourself, mushrooms lifts that stuck in your head state where u can’t seem to negotiate with yourself. It makes your thinking less black and white or rigid.
 
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Luke

Luke

tired
Apr 11, 2018
293
Hope it doesn't come off as an arrogant question but I was really wondering. One of the things that 'sobers' me up to why I want to end my life is that I don't see a point in continuing if sober. I don't abuse drugs to the point where I lose control (actually use them to self-medicate so I become less angry and my mind is calm) but I definitely use them when I can which my parents think is excessive.

I've been sober for 5 months without anything and I'm getting more and more suicidal by the day. Life is so terrible without any cash to do anything or without being able to alter my mood. I'm out of luck being unemployed and not being able to receive welfare.

I was excited these past months because I could have found a job and at least where I live in Europe, take drugs on the job and pass (I know that American employers do drug tests). If that can't happen then I think I'd rather be run over by a truck.

I've been thinking though long term, my mother tells me "All I know is how to live a happy life is not to do drugs or crime" but I doubt that for because my mother claims she's successful but very ignorant, anti-LGBT, has a failed and non-existent relationship with her father and even admitted to me that she would want death if not for her extended family (sister and her family. She doesn't give a shit about me really, she said she's given up on me).

So given that, it seems that she's only alive because of her family.

Her aside, I do acknowledge that there are people that are happy without drugs and don't kill themselves simply because they enjoy life but they are rare and seem to have a special talent. Most other people always say shit like "I don't like life but suicide is the most selfish thing one can do". and spew out platitudes of how someone has it worse.

This must be proof that life itself is inherently not worth it. Drugs don't solve issue but take your problems away for a while. It's better than the alternative.

I don't think it's possible.

I've also quit everything, meds, booze, nothing since about 3 months. I know it only gets worse however I want to have an absolutely clear mind to know it's a rational decision to off myself, not an emotional one.

Edit: ok I'll admit bringing tolerance down is also a reason :)
 
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Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,573
I personally prefer not using drugs, they are expensive, the duration is short and secondary effects are not worthy of suffering, specially if they are abused causing addiction.

Alcohol doesn't help in long term, the next day your life is still a shit and also you have such headache that makes you wish a guillotine.
 
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