U

uglyzuko

Member
May 7, 2018
31
I’m planning on committing suicide in one year time. I know, it sounds like a ridiculously long time, but it’ll take a while for me to prepare and get everything I need for an ideal suicide. I might be able to attempt in nine months, but one year is realistic. I’m not going to change my mind, I’ve been suicidal for almost five consecutive years and I’ve attempted thrice already.

Anyways, in the meanwhile, do you guys think it’s worth it to... I guess, function normally until I die? I mean like, study, get good grades, dress nice, exercise/gain weight, hang out with others, buy new things, etc etc? Sometimes when I’m doing these things, I realize how much of a wasted energy it is. Does it matter if I get straight A’s or F’s if I’m going to die anyways? Should I even buy new clothes and wear makeup and do my hair nice if I’m going to be dead in a year time?

What do you guys think? I’m conflicted. Should I just isolate myself until I die? Should I even bother in engaging socially acceptable practices, since I will be dead soon?
 
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HangInThere

HangInThere

Just hanging around
Apr 27, 2018
31
i'd play along, you don't want to arouse suspicion for one thing. And, if you do change your mind you won't have fucked up your life, can just keep going as normal.

In addition to this, it will serve as a distraction and keep you occupied. Thinking about suicide 24/7 will make you go crazy. Even more so when you have to wait until you have the adequate tools to commit suicide.
 
skyofAuroras

skyofAuroras

-
Apr 10, 2018
136
I think it's best to play along so others dont start questioning things. If you're going to commit suicide anyway you might as well do stuff you still enjoy too.
 
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FullFat

FullFat

^best order at Micky-D's ever
Apr 27, 2018
375
I often ask myself this same question. When I work really hard only to be thwarted by some unexpected setback or drag myself to some long, drawn out social function where I have to be sociable, I think, "Goddamn, FullFat, why are you trying so fucking hard? Do what you want now, at this very moment, and fuck everything else."

While it's true that I have to blend in before I CTB, I do not have to take pains to prepare for my future because it will never arrive. If my bus ride is delayed a few years or more, I know that the future will be bad anyway regardless of anything I do or don't do. So, I can coast, do jack shit about my physical health, and can safely forget about savings. If/when I get old, all I need is a sturdy rope or, better yet for the bargain hunters among us, a tall building.

That said, anxiety continues to be up my ass about this coasting. I keep worrying about what will happen if I change my mind. I think that's a genuine concern to have. Then there's the over-achiever somehow still within me that refuses to STFU.
 
L

Life sucks

Enlightened
Apr 18, 2018
1,860
It is like living with two persons inside. It can be alright on paper but practically there is a lot of anxiety and pressures on the person not to mention the interaction with toxic people and other problems with life (that is one of the reasons one wants to suicide).

I think it is good if you can blend. Sadly, I couldn't blend and quit many things. Now I'm thinking about ctb and being a freelance (I'd rather die than working in fucking corporations).



This topic also share the same thing:
https://sanctioned-suicide.org/threads/living-a-contradiction-or-a-paradox.439/
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
I often ask myself this same question. When I work really hard only to be thwarted by some unexpected setback or drag myself to some long, drawn out social function where I have to be sociable, I think, "Goddamn, FullFat, why are you trying so fucking hard? Do what you want now, at this very moment, and fuck everything else."

While it's true that I have to blend in before I CTB, I do not have to take pains to prepare for my future because it will never arrive. If my bus ride is delayed a few years or more, I know that the future will be bad anyway regardless of anything I do or don't do. So, I can coast, do jack shit about my physical health, and can safely forget about savings. If/when I get old, all I need is a sturdy rope or, better yet for the bargain hunters among us, a tall building.

That said, anxiety continues to be up my ass about this coasting. I keep worrying about what will happen if I change my mind. I think that's a genuine concern to have. Then there's the over-achiever somehow still within me that refuses to STFU.

Not having to worry about the future is the best thing about the CTB lifesttyle, non-suicidal people are missing out LOL jk
 
Mess

Mess

-
May 18, 2018
34
i've also planned to kill myself in one year, just to give me the time to try to have a better life
if in one year i fail my exams and im still not helped by the services of child protection, i'll kill myself without regrets
 
Lucas

Lucas

Member
May 26, 2018
81
That's a good question. I'm still trying myself to live as normally as possible, but there haven't been a day for a long time I haven't thought about just ending it all. I still have good moments every now and then and summer is nice, but now everything just translates to energy to actually plan my exit.

Once you get to that point that you really actually want to die, it never leaves you because now you have the bucket list of your good reasons to end it and the list will always be with you.
 
ImNotBatman

ImNotBatman

Student
May 9, 2018
144
Whenever I move towards CTB, I always prepare for failure.
My second attempt I spent all of my money, and failed and ended up in jail with 20k in lawyer bills, among other shit.
I realized that A, its dumb to put all your eggs in one basket, B your life can screw you over or improve in ways that may change your mind indefinitely, and C that failure will cost you more than living will...most of the time.

I dont quit gymming, or my daily routine because I could suddenly be struck with the urge to live tomorrow. I wont be, but the possibility exists. Even if I was going to CTB monday morning, I'd not make any permanent actions until that morning, and usually those would be just writing out notes, etc.
 

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