New Member
Jun 15, 2018
I've always known I'd end up killing myself, even when I was younger and things were manageable, when there was hope.

It's half a decade now, I knew I had a deadline, literally, but now that I am about to end my life, I'm starting to acquire a sense of false hope, a strong sense of wishful thinking, I've always been a realist, and now that there's no light at the end of the tunnel, and I can finally rest, end it all, I'm realising there's a sense of nostalgia towards life, a sense of wanting more, or potentially missing on what might get better, [those whom gotten seconds close to actually killing themselves, might relate.], but that is the very thing that's brought me to this point..

I'm split on what to think, the rational part of me has always steered me through everything in life, but now that I'm about to take the biggest decision in my life thus far, I'm slightly hesitant..

Saying this as someone who's been wanting to die for years, being hesitant is something odd to me.. taking into account that I've had no fear of death/afterlife.. is really odd in fact..

Anyway, I think this won't last, the dawn of a new morning is here, I have a life to end, a life of my own... I've always been dead, it's been just a matter of time.. my days are dead and gone.. the last struggle to over-come, the struggle of convincing myself that I can do something when there's doubt within me.. always has been the case with life, now is the case with death... astounding.

I regret telling those whom would care if I'm dead, that the clock was ticking, I have one more reason to end it, it would be a cheap shot to say you're about to kill yourself, and then remain alive, no matter how much they trust and care about you, there will always be a sense of " he/she was seeking attention"; I didn't want to come back from this, I suppose that's one of the reasons I didn't keep them in the dark, but if I'm honest, I somewhat regret giving the heads-up, witnessing those whom care about you, those you care for, grief for your death while you are still alive... is greatly saddening.. and might change your mind...

4:52 AM 6/15/2018


Jun 13, 2018
If you don't mind answering, what method do you plan on doing or plan on choosing?