BaconCheeseburger

BaconCheeseburger

Comfort-eating
Aug 4, 2018
693
I doubt anyone will ever find my account here, but if they do I hope they never find this particular post.

A friend of mine CTB a few days ago.. And I'm jealous of the attention she's getting. It's kind of a mix between jealousy over everyone saying how lovely she was and frustration that it would take killing myself to receive that same level of adoration. Maybe that's a sign of the times or something.

Reminds me of my CTB 'anthem' - If I Die Young by The Band Perry: 'funny when you're dead how people start listening'.

Of course, she had a horrendously bad life from start to finish, and of course that's not something I'd ever wish upon myself or anyone else, but it's the end result that she got. At the end she gets this outpouring of love.

People do love me and stuff, but I want to be selfish and feel it fully.
 
2

286165

Member
Aug 6, 2018
46
The first time I ever thought about dying, 10+ years ago, it was when a classmate passed away from a traffic accident.

I didn’t know him very well, we had just one class together and he was a year ahead of me. I think I was a little jealous of the attention, but what a thought and still think is this:

He wanted to live. His friends all said he loved life. I don’t. I don’t want to live. I wish I could switch places with him. He could live and I could be dead, and everyone would be happier. We’d both have what we want.

When I think about dying, I try not to think about how others will react, when I do, it starts to feel like I’m dying for revenge or attention. A large part of my thinks everyone will be ok, truthfully. After the initial shock, their lives will not change at all. My parents would actually be better off, they wouldn’t have me as a dependent anymore. Everyone else would be mostly unchanged.

So I think I would like to be forgotten. For no one to be sad or moved or changed. It would be better if I’d never been born— I didn’t ask to live in the first place, and I don’t want to.
 
Deadinside24

Deadinside24

Experienced
Aug 7, 2018
245
The first time I ever thought about dying, 10+ years ago, it was when a classmate passed away from a traffic accident.

I didn’t know him very well, we had just one class together and he was a year ahead of me. I think I was a little jealous of the attention, but what a thought and still think is this:

He wanted to live. His friends all said he loved life. I don’t. I don’t want to live. I wish I could switch places with him. He could live and I could be dead, and everyone would be happier. We’d both have what we want.

When I think about dying, I try not to think about how others will react, when I do, it starts to feel like I’m dying for revenge or attention. A large part of my thinks everyone will be ok, truthfully. After the initial shock, their lives will not change at all. My parents would actually be better off, they wouldn’t have me as a dependent anymore. Everyone else would be mostly unchanged.

So I think I would like to be forgotten. For no one to be sad or moved or changed. It would be better if I’d never been born— I didn’t ask to live in the first place, and I don’t want to.
I feel that way every time I think of dying. There are people who are full of life and love life that have horrible diseases and who die in accidents yet I hate life and don’t appreciate it one bit yet here I am fully healthy. I wish it were possible to give this life to someone who wanted it.

I do agree with your whole post but wanted to add that little bit above.
 
2

286165

Member
Aug 6, 2018
46
I feel that way every time I think of dying. There are people who are full of life and love life that have horrible diseases and who die in accidents yet I hate life and don’t appreciate it one bit yet here I am fully healthy. I wish it were possible to give this life to someone who wanted it.

I do agree with your whole post but wanted to add that little bit above.
Precisely, one guilt tactic that “normies” (so to speak) use on suicidal people is that many people want to live and don’t get a chance. As though that even has anything to do with us. If we could give away our lives, we would, I’m quite sure. Maybe not every single circumstance, some of us are in intense physical pain, experience disabilities on many level, and we’re all obviously depressed. But if just being alive is all it takes for a life to have value (by their logic) I’d happily give it away.
 
F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,353
I think it’s hard to remember but when we die we won’t be aware of this adoration and love.

I think that notion makes the situation even sadder
How do you know it’s not fake? What if those people are just trying to make it seem like they give a rats ass lol!