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JustHeckinKillMe

JustHeckinKillMe

Cool I'm dead
Sep 26, 2019
108
I graduated with a master's degree in marketing and communications in 2019 when coronavirus has started and job offers weren't many since then. I still haven't found a job. I apply, get a few phones calls. But no job so far. But that's not even the worst part. My biggest fear is I won't be able to do the job if I get one because I'm severely depressed after an an assault I was traumatized( after having recovered from depression). The lawyer I hired to defend my case ended up stealing my money and ghosting me and women's rights situation is not good where I live so my abuser is free with no consequences (he tried to kill me and he beat me and was going to stab me with a knife). My only hope at finding a job and being motivated to keep my search is to be better mentally first. After my attack I saw my psychiatrist and asked him if I'm gonna recover like last time and he said yes but I've been on the same meds that worked for me , for 3 months now and it's like I'm not taking meds at all. They are useless and have no effect. I will see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I'm very nervous and scared of what he will say after I tell him the meds did not help me. All I do all day is apply for jobs and the rest of the day I overthink and remember bad memories and feel extremely triggered and avoid the triggers. The triggers are everywhere. In movies, videos, simple facebook posts to the point that I don't wanna watch anything and the day is hard to end. I long to the night when I can rest. That if I don't get nightmares about the things I'm trying to avoid. I've been idealizing suicide a lot but I know I can't do it. I'm tired.. I am so behind my ex classmates. I had a bad life and still do. My parents are separated and that played a role in my depression too. I am now staying with my abusive mom until I move alone to an apartment we have in a different city. I'm horrified of living alone but I have to. She abused me my whole life so I don't wanna live with her. But I came because my depression got so bad I had to come and to see my doctor because my appointment is tomorrow. So the day after tomorrow I will leave to live alone again. Please tell me if you think there is hope for me? Will I recover and keep looking for a job and find one? Or will I have to live like this forever? Tell me about your experience.. If you work while depressed or job hunt while depressed, how do you manage to do it?
 
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StarryStarry

Specialist
Oct 25, 2021
361
I am so sorry you're struggling with this shit. I understand completely. Worked for an attorney (I have over 20 years experience) who called me a fucking bitch, and a bunch of other shit that absolutely destroyed me mentally, emotionally and professionally. He then lied so I wouldn't get unemployment, then he told other attorneys not to hire me. So I've been unemployed for a very long time. Running out of money and no where to go except ctb. You sound as if you are young and smart. IF you can get a degree in marketing you can do anything. I understand your depression, but I honestly believe you can get out in the job market and find a job. Try employment agencies or maybe even teach for a while until you find something else. You hang in there - you will find something and let all the assholes of the world go.
 
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timf

Wizard
Mar 26, 2020
615
When you move, you might be able to find a support group so you won't feel so alone.

Sometimes prospective employers are looking for a happy chipper employee. However, they will often also be interested in a "nose to the grindstone" employee. You might not be able to feign a bubbly personality, but you could present yourself as a dedicated "get the job done" sort of person.
 
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StarryStarry

Specialist
Oct 25, 2021
361
When you move, you might be able to find a support group so you won't feel so alone.

Sometimes prospective employers are looking for a happy chipper employee. However, they will often also be interested in a "nose to the grindstone" employee. You might not be able to feign a bubbly personality, but you could present yourself as a dedicated "get the job done" sort of person.
I know your words were not meant for me, but struck a cord with me - you have actually given me hope - thank you so much!