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devil

devil

Joined
Jun 22, 2019
Messages
418
This will be a random venting post but
I’ve been seeing the same therapist for about 2 years now, and I Iike her a lot but I don’t think she’s very helpful.
She knows I’m struggling and I kinda hinted that I think about suicide a lot without actually saying it, and she just responded with some bullshit. “ you deserve to be happy “
“ you should try letting your family know how you actually feel “
Like wtf, no.
I don’t find these appointments helpful at all, I’m not sure why I’m even going still.
I just feel like I have no one left that’s on my side and now here I am alone at a bar right after my therapy session and I feel like absolute shit.
I think I’m ready to start planning again, I’ve tried partial in the past and that’s the method I want to stick with. I’ve also been a very big coke addict.. I can’t find it in my area which fucking sucks, but it really helps when it comes to ctb. So hopefully I’ll be able to find some again.

sorry for this random vent, I’m kinda drunk and I just feel depressed as fuck. I have no one left to talk to. And I just think recovery is not meant for me anymore.
 
Last edited:
paulstrong

paulstrong

Arcanist
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
435
devil said:
This will be a random venting post but
I’ve been seeing the same therapist for about 2 years now, and I Iike her a lot but I don’t think she’s very helpful.
She knows I’m struggling and I kinda hinted that I think about suicide a lot without actually saying it, and she just responded with some bullshit. “ you deserve to be happy “
“ you should try letting your family know how you actually feel “
Like wtf, no.
I don’t find these appointments helpful at all, I’m not sure why I’m even going still.
I just feel like I have no one left that’s on my side and now here I am alone at a bar right after my therapy session and I feel like absolute shit.
I think I’m ready to start planning again, I’ve tried partial in the past and that’s the method I want to stick with. I’ve also been a very big coke addict.. I can’t find it in my area which fucking sucks, but it really helps when it comes to ctb. So hopefully I’ll be able to find some again.

sorry for this random vent, I’m kinda drunk and I just feel depressed as fuck. I have no one left to talk to. And I just think recovery is just not meant for me anymore.
I stopped going to those therapists because I realize they have no clue and never will have the tools to get me well. After all they make all kinds of money off the backs of broken people to just sit there and dole you out a whole heap of toxic positivity. There are many factors in life that we have no control over and they know it. I honestly believe that some people are just unlucky to have been dealt a really crappy set of cards. Well they can take that duff pack and shove it where the sun don't shine lol
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
2,764
It must be frustrating to have to experience that. Platitudes like that are often said by people who do not understand what you are going through, they cannot comprehend what it is like. Personally I do not see therapy as effective, and I see talking as doing nothing to help complex problems.
 
Cockney_Rebel

Cockney_Rebel

Everything you want is on the other side of fear.
Joined
Jan 7, 2021
Messages
349
They won’t even give me therapy, as I’m apparently “too high risk.”

And as for “I have no one left to talk to.” … just shut up. You have me x.
 
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Alwaysbadtime

Alwaysbadtime

Experienced
Joined
Jun 28, 2021
Messages
268
I hear you. It's fucking stupid. A 2 year advanced degree doesn't qualify for shit advising people. She might as well be on the toilet mid poop telling you that shit. I understand going because you have no one to talk to, but if she pisses you off I don't think it's worth going.
 
devil

devil

Joined
Jun 22, 2019
Messages
418
Thank you everyone for responding, and for your support. I don’t feel very well mentally right now so I don’t really have much effort to put forth to responding to each one of you.
Just thank you. I appreciate it.
 
Pen>Sword

Pen>Sword

Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam
Joined
Jan 13, 2021
Messages
355
This is why I'm not going to therapy for depression. They want your money for $100/hour and they just talk. They don't have the magic wand that can substantially solve personal problems, and what if money is the issue? Paying them would just deepen the depression.

I know that therapy has worked wonders to many people, but I doubt at it will work with me. YouTube therapy would do just as fine because you can repeat the video again for free. While therapist will repeat stuff over and over again for money.

I forgot to mention. They'll call the police for "welfare check". There's nothing more comforting than the police knocking in front of my door as if they're a welcomed guests or as if I'm a criminal. The system is broken AF.
 
L

LittleJem

Enlightened
Joined
Jul 3, 2019
Messages
1,260
My last therapist was 120 an hour. He was dangerous. He was not in favour of medication and never referred me, despite seeing me in tears and suicidal all the time.

I do not think therapy cures mental illness. Period.

The research says it can help best alongside medication for cases of mental illness. So that's if we're lucky and find a good medication.

Freud took cocaine for his depression. Just saying.
 
financialrhino

financialrhino

Member
Joined
Jun 29, 2021
Messages
39
Wow, I'm in the same boat. Just got off the suicide hotline chat, nothing useful other than referring me to therapy. I looked up a list in my area and it made me sick to see the prices for something that won't work for me as I've already gone through with it before. Plus we're expected to go shopping for them. Going shopping and spending so much money while I can barely get out of bed. Won't even work. A bottle of SN is cheaper and more effective.
 
N

NoPointToContinue

Member
Joined
Jun 2, 2021
Messages
32
I feel only people can really understand and care about us are other people like us, who is seriously thinking about or recovering from ctb. CTB is the end of the mind, deepest parts of it are collapsing in the face of ending your life. Don't expect to understanding it from someone who just studied psychology
 
W

whoeverThisIs

Member
Joined
Jul 22, 2021
Messages
5
NoPointToContinue said:
Don't expect to understanding it from someone who just studied psychology
Yes.

I’m ashamed that even in the rare occurrences when I feel good (weirdly ecstatic), I could probably not even understand someone who wants to ctb; sort of how normie-ness is a state of mind.
 
SuicidalAgain

SuicidalAgain

Member
Joined
Sep 9, 2020
Messages
48
Therapy has not helped me either. I wish people would just stop referring to it as some magical solution. Maybe it is helpful for some issues, for suicide I've only been met with changes of subject. 0 interest from the therapists to explore those feelings.
 
C

cantseethelight

Member
Joined
Jul 6, 2021
Messages
76
I do therapy to please the few around me. To try and give them comfort in knowing something is happening. Otherwise I worry they’ll give up on me more than they already have.

but as many have said, therapists can’t change your life circumstances, turn back time or give you the support network you needed from day.

anyway hope you’re feeling better Devil.
 
D

Dontknowhowtolive

New Member
Joined
Apr 4, 2021
Messages
3
Finding a good therapist can be hard and relies on serendipity, as mich as finding a spouse might. Ive found that I need to be a lot more vocal about whats not landing for me and ask fornsomething different, which was not something I did in the beginning because I didn't even know that that was an issue of mine and the shit therapist I had back then didn't recognize it either.

Anyways Ive found one who is better now, not perfect, but one thing she does encourage me to do is to let her know if she's off the mark because she recognizes her own human fallibility. If ur current T isn't working out ,maybe it would help to take stock of what qualities u need in a T, make some calls, interview potential therapists, and see if u can find someone who can help you make some progress.

Its v tiring and a bit proposterous...like u wouldn't ask someone suffering a stroke to call around for a doctor who vibes with them. But such is our reality.
 
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