butterfly3

butterfly3

Member
Apr 2, 2022
96
this is gonna be a bit of a vent post.
so i’ve been really trying to make friends. although I’m an introvert and find social interactions very difficult, especially initially when you aren’t quite yet proper friends, ive still been trying my best to be talkative and likeable. i’ve made a group of like 4 friends, all girls and the first night was so fun, we went to the pub and it was just a generally good time, but now it seems like they’re all closer with each other and I’m just a nuisance.
every time I try to integrate myself with them it seems like I’m always doing the effort and they’ll be like “you can come if you want” type response.
it seems like when I’m around I just make it awkward. I knocked on one of the girls doors to hang out and she clearly did not want me there, but as I was going to the toilet, I saw her knock on the other girls door.
even other people, it just seems like we say hi, exchange names and that’s it.
I really wanted this time to be different. i’m trying to recover from my depression and loneliness, but it seems like it will never end at this point, it all just seems so useless.
I have no friends or companion and nobody seems to like me and I have no clue why, I’m trying my hardest to be friendly and social. not only that, but I just know that once my course starts it’s gonna be so hellish.
 
hamvil

hamvil

Arcanist
Aug 29, 2022
454
University is usually the right place to find like minded people, after all you picked the same type of study no? FOr example in my case I managed to find other nerds into anime, sci-fi, and linux. We had some girl in our group and they were cool, sort of nerd as well. But some got annoyed because we were all after them.

Do not focus to much on girls-only groups. Girls like also to hangout between themselves and you could be see as a burden. Doing that from time to time should be fine, just do not pressure them

In university there are usually clubs for special activities, not sure if this applies also to you.
 
Angst Filled Fuck Up

Angst Filled Fuck Up

Visionary
Sep 9, 2018
2,125
There's nothing wrong with doing your own thing for a bit. It might be you're trying too hard at the moment. Sometimes that backfires and gives us the opposite of what we want.

My feeling is they either want your company or they don't, and if you dial it back a bit, they can seek you out on their own terms. This will give you back some of your power.

You'll likely make connections at uni one way or another, so I wouldn't stress about it. If something good comes across your path, then so be it. But you don't need to overextend yourself.
 
X

x_riverrock11

Visionary
Jan 24, 2021
2,047
That's how I found undergrad to be. I did not find likeminded people until I got into grad school. My therapist said this was normal. Lots of lonely souls at university.

I would try to join student orgs. This will filter out people who don't want to socialize.
 
C

Cathy Ames

Hopeless
Mar 11, 2022
1,361
this is gonna be a bit of a vent post.
so i’ve been really trying to make friends. although I’m an introvert and find social interactions very difficult, especially initially when you aren’t quite yet proper friends, ive still been trying my best to be talkative and likeable. i’ve made a group of like 4 friends, all girls and the first night was so fun, we went to the pub and it was just a generally good time, but now it seems like they’re all closer with each other and I’m just a nuisance.
every time I try to integrate myself with them it seems like I’m always doing the effort and they’ll be like “you can come if you want” type response.
it seems like when I’m around I just make it awkward. I knocked on one of the girls doors to hang out and she clearly did not want me there, but as I was going to the toilet, I saw her knock on the other girls door.
even other people, it just seems like we say hi, exchange names and that’s it.
I really wanted this time to be different. i’m trying to recover from my depression and loneliness, but it seems like it will never end at this point, it all just seems so useless.
I have no friends or companion and nobody seems to like me and I have no clue why, I’m trying my hardest to be friendly and social. not only that, but I just know that once my course starts it’s gonna be so hellish.
This is how it has most frequently been for me, as well--even when in a program in which I was supposedly surrounded by people who all shared the same interest. It might have been the worst in that group, actually. If you can find just one or two people who are your kindred spirits, it will be much better, or at least tolerable.
 
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