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Deadlyroses

Deadlyroses

Sad Millennial
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
75
I’ve been this way for my entire life and it’s killing me. I never feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t connect with people. I can’t form companionship thanks to anxiety and trauma. Nobody can understand me or my pain. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. Nobody to lean on for support. All I can do is drink and get high and cry by myself. I just suffer in lonely silence. I can’t wait to fucking die.
 
The Lonely

The Lonely

Member
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
89
Deadlyroses said:
I’ve been this way for my entire life and it’s killing me. I never feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t connect with people. I can’t form companionship thanks to anxiety and trauma. Nobody can understand me or my pain. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. Nobody to lean on for support. All I can do is drink and get high and cry by myself. I just suffer in lonely silence. I can’t wait to fucking die.
If you want we can chat, you can send me some private mail if you want!
 
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Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,084
Deadlyroses said:
I’ve been this way for my entire life and it’s killing me. I never feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t connect with people. I can’t form companionship thanks to anxiety and trauma. Nobody can understand me or my pain. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. Nobody to lean on for support. All I can do is drink and get high and cry by myself. I just suffer in lonely silence. I can’t wait to fucking die.
I feel the same way most of the time. SS is the closest I have ever felt to feeling accepted

What do you get high off of? I drink, but it doesn’t help much nowadays.
 
Deadlyroses

Deadlyroses

Sad Millennial
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
75
Celerity said:
I feel the same way most of the time. SS is the closest I have ever felt to feeling accepted

What do you get high off of? I drink, but it doesn’t help much nowadays.
I get high off of weed and I drink Bacardi or grey goose (straight shots- no mixing nonsense around here). I love a good cross fade. It numbs me up so nicely.
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,084
Deadlyroses said:
I get high off of weed and I drink Bacardi or grey goose (straight shots- no mixing nonsense around here). I love a good cross fade. It numbs me up so nicely.
Nice. I mixed edibles and alcohol one time. Never again, lol. Not sure how it would work with smoking though. I never have. Asthma and a weird phobia of it.
 
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Deadlyroses

Deadlyroses

Sad Millennial
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
75
Celerity said:
Nice. I mixed edibles and alcohol one time. Never again, lol. Not sure how it would work with smoking though. I never have. Asthma and a weird phobia of it.
Oh I don’t smoke, I’m a vape girl. I love my dry vape pen. Goes down so smoothly. I use that during the week.

I actually love edibles, but edibles are a weekend thing for me. I use the leftover vaped bud to make my own edibles (I know it sounds nuts but I swear it’s a thing and it’s potent as fuck). Alcohol with edibles sends me far far away into fantasy land and it’s the best. I do it pretty much every weekend at this point.
 
Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,084
Taki said:
Does any of that actually minimize the pain? I drink but I can’t say it dulls anything. Being alive is horrifying.
Yes and no. It distracts given the right stimulation. I have to combine it with other things. If I just drink when I’m sad, I often just become more sad. If I fuck off and do or say stupid shit, it can amplify the fun to a point.

But also, I’m an alcoholic at this point and crave it like a smoker craves cigarettes. Drinking is like scratching an itch.
Deadlyroses said:
Oh I don’t smoke, I’m a vape girl. I love my dry vape pen. Goes down so smoothly. I use that during the week.

I actually love edibles, but edibles are a weekend thing for me. I use the leftover vaped bud to make my own edibles (I know it sounds nuts but I swear it’s a thing and it’s potent as fuck). Alcohol with edibles sends me far far away into fantasy land and it’s the best. I do it pretty much every weekend at this point.
Are you in a state where it’s legalized? I did mine in CO on a trip. Been meaning to go back.
 
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Deadlyroses

Deadlyroses

Sad Millennial
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
75
Taki said:
Does any of that actually minimize the pain? I drink but I can’t say it dulls anything. Being alive is horrifying.
I can only speak for myself here- but for me? Edibles and alcohol definitely numbs me up and dulls just about everything up until I sober up. So it’s not effective long term as far as wellbeing goes. I’m completely nonfunctional and couch locked- but it numbs me right up. For me it’s the remaining thing left to enjoy until I CTB
Celerity said:
Are you in a state where it’s legalized? I did mine in CO on a trip. Been meaning to go back.
I will refrain from answering this for privacy reasons since this is a public forum- but I will mention that I use it in a way that makes my supply last so that I don’t have to buy more frequently. I also switch from that to delta8 CBD brought from everyday CBD stores. I went to CO once for a trip and I definitely partook when I was there..lol.
 
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W

whywere

Enlightened
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
1,075
HI! 1st off, you are NEVER EVER alone on Sanctioned Suicide and our global family, NEVER! We are ! global family that loves and cares for each other unconditionally and that goes for YOU! I love, care and send support to you, as I have been there a lot through the years, I am 65 years young!, and I have chronic pain, nobody, but our great family here, and there in again , YOU are family to me here. Sending you lots of hugs, smiles and a beautiful day filled with warm sun, a lovely blue sky and a cool breeze flowing over you. Walter
 
W

whywere

Enlightened
Joined
Jun 26, 2020
Messages
1,075
The Lonely said:
I have a drinking problem….My liver is not good and tolerance is getting ridiculous…
HI! I never ever am nosy or give advice, but with that said, as YOU are part of our global family and I care about you a lot, I hope you can find a solution to your issue at hand, as you are a very important part of our global family and I do not want you to hurt. Sending you lots of love, caring and support to help. Walter
 
NothingElseMatters

NothingElseMatters

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 30, 2020
Messages
441
whywere said:
HI! I never ever am nosy or give advice, but with that said, as YOU are part of our global family and I care about you a lot, I hope you can find a solution to your issue at hand, as you are a very important part of our global family and I do not want you to hurt. Sending you lots of love, caring and support to help. Walter
you are always very kind Walter, I'm leaving you a virtual hug.
 
J

Journeytoletgo

Specialist
Joined
May 14, 2018
Messages
331
Same here OP. Its hard dealing with trauma, and forming companionship with others. I’m automatically distrustful of people now, I already know they want something from me when they strike up a conversation. I also have a mental block where I don’t feel like myself trapped in this body it’s another reason why I can’t be social
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Living dead girl
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
2,032
I am naturally introverted so I guess I like being alone. However I can relate to feeling disconnected from other people. I know that loneliness can send us into despair. Life really can be cruel to us.
 
alwaysSuffering

alwaysSuffering

Member
Joined
May 29, 2021
Messages
29
Deadlyroses said:
I never feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t connect with people. I can’t form companionship thanks to anxiety and trauma. Nobody can understand me or my pain. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. Nobody to lean on for support.
THIS^

I say this constantly. I can't connect with humans. I don't bond with them. My life has been nothing but a long string of severe traumas. So I can't relate to "normal" people at all because there's no common ground. I can't understand their normal life, they can't understand my chaotic life. There's no way for me to explain my life to them because it's simply beyond comprehension to anyone who hasn't lived through the insane things I've been through. Finding other people who have been through the crazy type of things I've been through also seems impossible because it's incredibly rare. So I feel like an alien. I don't see how this could ever be fixed. How could I ever form a bond with anyone if we can't sit down and have a conversation where we can relate to one another's life experiences?
 
gorgonzola

gorgonzola

over it all
Joined
Nov 18, 2019
Messages
12
Deadlyroses said:
I’ve been this way for my entire life and it’s killing me. I never feel like I belong anywhere. I can’t connect with people. I can’t form companionship thanks to anxiety and trauma. Nobody can understand me or my pain. I have nobody to talk to about my feelings. Nobody to lean on for support. All I can do is drink and get high and cry by myself. I just suffer in lonely silence. I can’t wait to fucking die.
I feel the exact same way and I hate that telling people only gets generic statements about life getting better or whatever and they mean well but my life has only progressively gotten worse
 

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