T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
Does anyone know how to not hate waking up every single say?

For me it's like pure hate. Just hating that I've woke up yet again and must experience yet another day where I'm expected to take care of myself. The thought process daily goes something like this: Why do I have to wake up again? Really? ugh. I don't want to move from the bed period. I wish I were dead. I wish I could kill myself. I want to kill myself. Then thinking of ways. Then the thought of knowing I cant kill myself becomes more profound. Then the thought like fuck I do have to get out of bed at some point to go to work.

This can go on 1-3 hours.

I really hate this feeling so much so torturous. I have major depressive disorder. I'm typically always depressed but for the past decade (starting in my early 20's) I struggle with severe episodes of worse depression that typically lasts a year. Sometimes more sometimes less. My episodes do not align with the seasons. I have no understanding of why I go in and out of episodes. I've practiced attempts in a couple of episodes. I say practiced cause I meant to stop and back out when I got the light headed feeling. But I never could get it right.

I know it's common to hate waking up often or daily for many of us. My therapist has me doing daily morning affirmations. They don't really seem to be helping but who knows.

Have any of you figured out how to stop hating waking up or even just lessen it?
 
O

overcomingfear

Experienced
Sep 1, 2020
206
Then the thought like fuck I do have to get out of bed at some point to go to work.

This can go on 1-3 hours.
Sounds like you wake up too early and you don't keep sleep schedule. Set an alarm and wake up at the same time. I wake up and have 40 minutes to go to the toilet, eat, grab snacks and go. I regret existing sometimes too but there's no time to think about it. When i have the energy, i stretch for 20 minutes before sleep, it helps to wake up a little more loose
 
T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
I have a fairly regular sleep schedule. But I work second shift so I dont start work until 2pm. Typically I go to bed right after work and wake up around 8 am with no alarm.
 
Alwaysbadtime

Alwaysbadtime

Enlightened
Jun 28, 2021
1,178
Take up smoking and coffee. It's not great or good...but it's something to do.
 
M

mossyfox

Student
Aug 4, 2021
127
can you change to day shift? other shifts aren't good for mental health or long term physical health, if that matters.

are you on medicine from your doctor and tried different ones?

For me I get out of bed for my coffee addiction and for my music on the drive to work, away from kids. I've set things up so that my favorite coffee is available only when I reach the office, and I'm irritated without it, so I hurry up to get to work...
 
T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
I can't change to day shift at this time with my current employer. Maybe I could later. But I work in production in factories as a welder. Tons of opportunity where I'm from but they are all really similar. 1st shift in manufacturing around here depending on the factory starts between 4 and 6 am. Early af I hate that. I've done mostly first shift my whole life but then I gotta go to bed too stinking early and I hate that too. I've been working second shift part time the past four months. Just started full time today for more money and health insurance. If I could somehow get a job paying close to what I make now but working like an 8-4 or a 9-5 I would love that. But I didn't finish high school so there is hardly anything else I could do to make similar money.

Also my current employers health insurance does cover mental health therapy. That's hard to find and I feel nearly impossible to job hunt for. I even made a craigslist ad explaining my extensive experience and wanting mental health coverage. No responses.

I'm not on medicine. I've been thinking about it. Therapist keeps telling me to. That's scary for me though especially considering I used to be into conspiracy theories and what not and knowing that it's all theory and imbalances and corrections can't even be tested. I've been so close to killing myself I am scared of an anti-depressant somehow worsening my depression and me actually killing myself. I'm desperate though and willing to try again. I tried a combo of zoloft and welbutrin a couple years ago for a few months with no improvement whatsoever. Just weight gain and ED.


Take up smoking and coffee. It's not great or good...but it's something to do.
:) lol
I'm a heavy chain smoker. And I'm on and off with caffeine. Sometimes I consume 1-2 grams of caffeine a day but then I try to cut it down to 200mg a day cause I know it's not good for depression blah blah blah
 
M

mossyfox

Student
Aug 4, 2021
127
Ask to try Lexapro this time. no ED or weight gain. Zoloft is old school and treats more than just depression. Lexapro is just for depression. If you are put on one that leads to weight gain then ask to also be out on Topamax, or adapex (kind like an Adderall type) which are for weight loss. Topamax is also mood stabilizer and no Adderall type effects. Adapex counters weight gain but causes mania if you have bipolar depression.

The paranoia is part of the depression and will go away with meds. As far as increased desire for suicide, just pay attention to your feelings for the first 6 weeks and report changes here.
 
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Verodv

Verodv

Fight or flight
Aug 15, 2021
44
Take up smoking and coffee. It's not great or good...but it's something to do.
For sure you can't stay in bed after coffee and cigarette: you'll have to run to the bathroom! [not mocking, just try to make you smile a little]
Do you live by yourself? I find extremely helpful someone bring me a cup of coffee. The gesture plus the few minute sipping is something like a morning affirmation. Maybe not a big one, just "hey, at least I'll always have coffee". When I used to live alone I bought a coffee maker with alarm clock - easy to find on amazon. If coffee is not your thing try to find out something very easy to enjoy. Because the first step is the hardest and morning routines fail as fast as you add to do list.
 
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L

LittleJem

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2019
1,425
OP I’m on Day 26 of Prozac (20mg). It’s my third medication and it’s helping - the first two didn’t help.

In my experience, the only thing that helps is something that changes my brain chemistry. I was really scared of medication, but I decided to try before I die!!

If you want to try something ‘natural’ then I recommend St John’s Wort. Recommended dose is 300mg 3X a day, though you might want to work up to that. I personally feel an effect from it straight away, but it gives me a side effect I can’t handle, which is why I’m trying Prozac.

The extra suicidality on medication is more common for under 25s. I was also scared of it, but so far my side effects on Prozac have been tame. Your doctor can give you Ativan to get through any start up effects.
Ps I would beg you to try medication again, as others have begged me. Imagine if you found one that let you live with enjoyment and not suffering. I have suffered so many years (over 30 years). So many people are on medication, it’s so common.
 
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Tav

Tav

Member
Apr 20, 2018
34
Have you tried some supplements that can help with depression Took lab tests to find sth wrong? Functional medicine can treat it. look it up
 
T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
No I havent really tried supplements. Been taking Rhodilia Rosea irregularly lately. So kinda "trying" that the past couple of weeks.

How's it been going. Still sucks the same?
Yeah pretty much. I really appreciate all the replies. Thanks.

Well its the last day of the work week. Ive bought health insurance just waiting for my insurance card in the mail. I have to do a physical yearly for the insurance. So Ill probably talk to my dr about maybe a referral to a psychologist. If im gonna do meds I would rather have someone who specializes in it. Not that I want to. But my therapist is pushing me to. As ill be switching therapists soon my new therapist probably will to.

And I agree with little gem talking about trying it before dying. Thats how i felt when I tried before.
 
Kattt

Kattt

Specialist
May 18, 2021
392
I often dream my ex partner is still alive and waking up is so horrible. It reaches a point where you don't even want to go to sleep. Personally I wake up, neck a bunch of pills then go back to sleep for an hour
 
meetapple

meetapple

Specialist
Jun 3, 2021
337
Is there anything you enjoy? Perhaps you can reward yourself for getting up with this activity.
 
minamin

minamin

Member
Jun 3, 2021
12
I feel this immensely, every day I get this, “Ugh, I’m still here?!!” kind of feeling. What I do to mitigate it is:
1) DON’T check anything online related when you get up, for at least an hour. Like social media or messages you may have gotten overnight over Skype or iMessage. Because checking for maybe even a minute can snowball into 5 minutes, 10, etc, and then not only are you upset you woke up, but now youre upset you’re wasting time online (or have at this point been scrolling enough that you see something that pisses you off, making the morning worse). The most I do is plug some headphones in to listen to music, but dont stare at the screen, keep a long playlist going so you won’t be tempted to pick up the phone and scroll.
2) Wash face, brush teeth, use the bathroom, etc, pretty soon after you wake up. Not only does that just help wake you up in general, but good hygeine helps mitigate that “Ugh” feeling because you’re getting rid of that morning grogginess/morning breath/gross body feelings that contribute to negativity
3) Eat pretty soon after, I always wake up hungry and when I’m hungry I’m pissed.
4) Try not to go back into bed, maybe pace around the house or stand outside or something. Going back to bed = you start to think bad things again because you’re laying there doing nothing.

As someone who goes through depressive episodes a lot as well (going through one right now hah), these things help me out a lot because even though I might still feel kind of bad, I’m not laying around in bed stewing in my own thoughts/not taking care of essential needs. Even if you can only do one or two of these things, as long as you keep yourself awake and moving, I feel like it helps out immensely.

Hope things look up for you soon!!
 
meetapple

meetapple

Specialist
Jun 3, 2021
337
I feel this immensely, every day I get this, “Ugh, I’m still here?!!” kind of feeling. What I do to mitigate it is:
1) DON’T check anything online related when you get up, for at least an hour. Like social media or messages you may have gotten overnight over Skype or iMessage. Because checking for maybe even a minute can snowball into 5 minutes, 10, etc, and then not only are you upset you woke up, but now youre upset you’re wasting time online (or have at this point been scrolling enough that you see something that pisses you off, making the morning worse). The most I do is plug some headphones in to listen to music, but dont stare at the screen, keep a long playlist going so you won’t be tempted to pick up the phone and scroll.
2) Wash face, brush teeth, use the bathroom, etc, pretty soon after you wake up. Not only does that just help wake you up in general, but good hygeine helps mitigate that “Ugh” feeling because you’re getting rid of that morning grogginess/morning breath/gross body feelings that contribute to negativity
3) Eat pretty soon after, I always wake up hungry and when I’m hungry I’m pissed.
4) Try not to go back into bed, maybe pace around the house or stand outside or something. Going back to bed = you start to think bad things again because you’re laying there doing nothing.

As someone who goes through depressive episodes a lot as well (going through one right now hah), these things help me out a lot because even though I might still feel kind of bad, I’m not laying around in bed stewing in my own thoughts/not taking care of essential needs. Even if you can only do one or two of these things, as long as you keep yourself awake and moving, I feel like it helps out immensely.

Hope things look up for you soon!!
You seem to be disciplined. I never could wake up consistently in the morning. Now I can’t discipline myself to go to bed early because of my situation.
 
minamin

minamin

Member
Jun 3, 2021
12
You seem to be disciplined. I never could wake up consistently in the morning. Now I can’t discipline myself to go to bed early because of my situation.
I get up at random times (anywhere from 8-11) so not exactly disciplined, it took me a while to really force myself into the habit and sometimes i skip brushing my teeth or will dick around on my phone when I know i shouldn’t. but keeping to it makes me feel slightly more decent than laying on my bed til noon on my phone which i did pretty much all last year
 
T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
Ask to try Lexapro this time. no ED or weight gain. Zoloft is old school and treats more than just depression. Lexapro is just for depression. If you are put on one that leads to weight gain then ask to also be out on Topamax, or adapex (kind like an Adderall type) which are for weight loss. Topamax is also mood stabilizer and no Adderall type effects. Adapex counters weight gain but causes mania if you have bipolar depression.

The paranoia is part of the depression and will go away with meds. As far as increased desire for suicide, just pay attention to your feelings for the first 6 weeks and report changes here.

OP I’m on Day 26 of Prozac (20mg). It’s my third medication and it’s helping - the first two didn’t help.

In my experience, the only thing that helps is something that changes my brain chemistry. I was really scared of medication, but I decided to try before I die!!

If you want to try something ‘natural’ then I recommend St John’s Wort. Recommended dose is 300mg 3X a day, though you might want to work up to that. I personally feel an effect from it straight away, but it gives me a side effect I can’t handle, which is why I’m trying Prozac.

The extra suicidality on medication is more common for under 25s. I was also scared of it, but so far my side effects on Prozac have been tame. Your doctor can give you Ativan to get through any start up effects.
Ps I would beg you to try medication again, as others have begged me. Imagine if you found one that let you live with enjoyment and not suffering. I have suffered so many years (over 30 years). So many people are on medication, it’s so common.
Well I saw my family dr yesterday. I let her convince me to try meds. She gave me 3 weeks worth of samples for Trintellix. 5 mg a day the first week then 10 mg a day the next two weeks. I see my dr again in 3 weeks. Just took my first pill a few minutes ago.

I do really hope it does work. I wish it would. But also I really don't expect it too. We'll see how it goes. :( :)
 

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