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sadbadpsychogirl

sadbadpsychogirl

sonofabitch
Joined
May 29, 2020
Messages
560
lately i feel like i don't even have the mental energy to lie (i will explain) like if i need to pretend i am in a good mood or give someone a false compliment i just can't do it anymore. like for a while now i've been telling peopple i want to live and that i'm afraid to die just to keep up "appearances" but i just can't do it anymore, like i need whats left of my energy to perform the most basic functions... does anyone know what i mean?
 
Bergamot

Bergamot

Student
Joined
Jan 25, 2021
Messages
129
yes I also feel like you without energy, the only thing to do is to avoid the speech so that you don't need to lie or possibly be in that situation
 
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Celerity

Celerity

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 24, 2021
Messages
1,454
As long as you laugh and joke about it, I feel like most people struggle to read between the lines. It’s amazing how much people disregard the content of speech and only register the tone.
 
W

WornOutLife

マット
Joined
Mar 22, 2020
Messages
7,347
Yes, I know quite well what you mean.
I've been pretending I love life since I was 12 but I ended up becoming a neet for 3 years, finally exploding last year, trying to ctb and with my life being hell for six months.

Now, I'm free again but I gotta pretend I'm happy because the people surrounding me know I'm suicidal and will just send me to a psych ward if I show any ctb thoughts signs.

Anyway, I'm mostly alone so I'm somehow able to deal with it.
 
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sadbadpsychogirl

sadbadpsychogirl

sonofabitch
Joined
May 29, 2020
Messages
560
yeah i don't have a job or anything i'm on disability and my only real responsibilities are taking care of my dogs and some housework. i don't talk to anyone except my family but they are the ones i have to fool (god that sounds terrible) oh well hopefully not too much longer with this. they know it will happen one day but it still has to remain unspoken. thanks for the support its nice to know i'm not alone:hug:
 
Tabbyql

Tabbyql

Chronic people pleaser
Joined
Mar 13, 2019
Messages
284
Totally get you, last few months I just can't anymore. Im still forced to, bfs family don't believe in mental illness either and expect me to have got over my grief within a day. Bf makes me feel guilty if I don't shove a fake smile on and small talk wiv them. So now I just hide out in another room as soon as I've hung around long enough to not seem rude.
 
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Fragile

Fragile

Broken
Joined
Jul 7, 2019
Messages
1,271
I'm definitely feeling this way lately, it's getting really hard to not be honest about many things.

I haven't really thought about it being an energy thing until now, but it may be the reason why I find it so hard lately.
 
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N

netrezven

Specialist
Joined
Dec 13, 2018
Messages
354
I don’t lie. Usually I don’t speak a lot unless necessary and don’t get around people who ask too many questions. Anyway my life is so boring and extreme at the same time, so even when I say something, no one will believe it anyway in the context.
 
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