• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
Do any of you take medication just to manage yourself?

for instance. I was on antidepressants a bunch of times and the ONLY positive was it controlled my diet. They didnt help me in any other way and actually made me much more prone to anger outbursts.

I’m seriously considering going back on the meds because they neutralize everything else. Even though they don’t do shit about me being suicidal.

Is anyone here on meds just to manage themselves and suicidal regardless?
 
zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Arcanist
Joined
Jun 22, 2021
Messages
457
AD never helped me in ways where i can say they removed depression or encouraged positive outlook in life. The only thing that i find help me not feel so shitty is stimulants. I abuse adhd medication just to be able to get out of bed. I think im an addict but can i really be blamed to use anything to help me just not to feel so shitty??
 
No_Comply

No_Comply

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
67
I've been on AD for a while and i do agree, they don't really alleviate depression and definitely do not suppress suicidal thoughts. Useful for maintaining a healthy diet tho as I've battled with undiagnosed eating disorders for most of my life.

Though I'm not proud to say the following, other substances seem to help me feel better but this is never a smart thing as you don't want to be addicted and dependent on other non prescribed meds.

But to answer your question Atari, yes I'm on AD to help manage myself though I wouldn't say they're very effective.
 
A_miStake_of_NATURE

A_miStake_of_NATURE

I wish no one had to CTB..........
Joined
Aug 14, 2020
Messages
486
No_Comply said:
I've been on AD for a while and i do agree, they don't really alleviate depression and definitely do not suppress suicidal thoughts. Useful for maintaining a healthy diet tho as I've battled with undiagnosed eating disorders for most of my life.

Though I'm not proud to say the following, other substances seem to help me feel better but this is never a smart thing as you don't want to be addicted and dependent on other non prescribed meds.

But to answer your question Atari, yes I'm on AD to help manage myself though I wouldn't say they're very effective.
Can I ask what kiind of AD? Cuz I’m afraid I’ll gain weight if I start taking any…..
 
TheLoneWolf

TheLoneWolf

Member
Joined
Mar 2, 2021
Messages
20
I take antipsychotic medicine. It helps to not be psychotic but blocks the dopamine in my brain so it's difficult to really feel happiness or satisfaction.

I'm not saying it's good to have psychosis but my life could sometimes be more interesting and I actually had hope for the future.
 
No_Comply

No_Comply

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
67
A_miStake_of_NATURE said:
Can I ask what kiind of AD? Cuz I’m afraid I’ll gain weight if I start taking any…..
Sertraline is my AD though I also take it alongside antipsychotics (Aripiprazole and Olanzapine). I notice my hunger really kick in after I take Ari & Olanz

In regards to the weight gain, most peoples fear is gaining the waist fat/belly but this can be easily combated with simple at home core exorcises. Stomach crunches, planking, ab workouts. super simple and highly effective, plenty on youtube to learn from.
 
  • Like
Reactions: OnlyTheWind
bobmorane

bobmorane

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2021
Messages
91
lithium to prevent manic episode,
latuda to prevent psychosis,
wellbutrin that doesnt do shit for depression but gives energy.
yes , im a two-legged pharmacy
 
Littlepaws

Littlepaws

Cheetah
Joined
Sep 4, 2021
Messages
18
I been taking a combination of low dose Citalopram + Mirtazapine at night time for several years. Gives me an appetite and helps me sleep, that's about it
 
A_miStake_of_NATURE

A_miStake_of_NATURE

I wish no one had to CTB..........
Joined
Aug 14, 2020
Messages
486
No_Comply said:
Sertraline is my AD though I also take it alongside antipsychotics (Aripiprazole and Olanzapine). I notice my hunger really kick in after I take Ari & Olanz

In regards to the weight gain, most peoples fear is gaining the waist fat/belly but this can be easily combated with simple at home core exorcises. Stomach crunches, planking, ab workouts. super simple and highly effective, plenty on youtube to learn from.
Thank you. I’ve read a lot about skinny women gaining weight and not being able to lose it.
 
No_Comply

No_Comply

Member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
67
A_miStake_of_NATURE said:
Thank you. I’ve read a lot about skinny women gaining weight and not being able to lose it.
No probs. And Yeah I can't really speak for women on this but I feel like I understand that fear somewhat.

As a skinny guy I'm scared of gaining a belly while still having skinny arms and legs lol.
 
  • Yay!
Reactions: A_miStake_of_NATURE
RedEther

RedEther

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2021
Messages
70
My depression and anxiety is not chemical or anything affected by my autism. It is compleatly situational. When I am In a loving home surouded by loving people, without worrying how Im going to eat Im not depressed or stressed. There was a time I went a month without my medication, got sad, and a conversation made me feel better. It was a good summer.
The Meds numb me. They force my brain to give me chemicals that make me feel better than I do so Im not paralyzed by my pain. I forget what im saying or doing quickly so I dont spiral. Side affect I forget alot constantly.

its not a way to live. im just brain dead through life
 
  • Love
Reactions: Phia2021
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
Several things:

1.) I think the basis of my thread has been completely misunderstood. Obviously antidepressants aren’t happy pills. Managed means they make your life manageable.

2.) I’m not sure there is a general understanding of what depression is. I think the reason my question was misunderstood is because there is an associate of depression with functioning. Functioning? No longer depressed! Not at all what I’m saying. Depression exists within the soul. I have been on all kinds of meds which brought me to full fucntioning and guess what? I was incredibly angry and frustrated moreso that these pills NEVER changed my thoughts. They didn’t delete the memories. They didn’t warp the perception of those memories. They didn’t stop me from wanting to kill myself. They amplified all of it. It was like I was a completely uncensored version of myself that truly no longer gave a fuck. It was awful. There is a reason I’m sleeping now everyday off the meds. It’s the natural way of things. My body knows what to do. It’s all this bullshit thinking around it thinking they can save me to fix me because I am worthless if I do not contribute.

Anyway I’m not gonna post threads outside my own journal anymore…I don’t know why I tried.

Sorry.
 
C

clown_17

Time is of the essence
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
63
I’m on Zoloft, risperidone, and Vyvanse. They don’t make me any less suicidal, or improve my life, but they’re the only reason im able to do anything. I can sleep, think clearly, and study only because of these meds. They also got rid of my delusions. Some things though pike my outlook on life and ability to feel joy have never been helped by any pill. Also they all have negative effects
 
  • Like
Reactions: Phia2021
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
clown_17 said:
I’m on Zoloft, risperidone, and Vyvanse. They don’t make me any less suicidal, or improve my life, but they’re the only reason im able to do anything. I can sleep, think clearly, and study only because of these meds. They also got rid of my delusions. Some things though pike my outlook on life and ability to feel joy have never been helped by any pill. Also they all have negative effects
Do they make you feel weak or vulnerable at all? Like personality wise.
 
ClownMe

ClownMe

Don't Cry for Me, I'm Already Dead
Joined
Apr 7, 2021
Messages
1,577
Antidepressants managed to make me more depressed and suicidal.
 
stevienix

stevienix

I'm a woman not a "dude".
Joined
Jul 22, 2021
Messages
199
atari said:
Do any of you take medication just to manage yourself?

for instance. I was on antidepressants a bunch of times and the ONLY positive was it controlled my diet. They didnt help me in any other way and actually made me much more prone to anger outbursts.

I’m seriously considering going back on the meds because they neutralize everything else. Even though they don’t do shit about me being suicidal.

Is anyone here on meds just to manage themselves and suicidal regardless?
I bought Klonopin on the DN knowing they would be effective but highly addictive. I didnt mind as I had no intention of being around long enough for a full addiction to form.
I walked around in a state of absolute apathy for about seven hours. I felt indifferent to everything.
They were great!
 
Sereg0r

Sereg0r

Bitte tötet mich
Joined
Apr 8, 2019
Messages
200
I take 100mg of sertraline (SSRI) daily. I have been for years. Well, on and off. Sometimes I do stop them for a few weeks for some reason but I always end up taking them again because of my anxiety and the withdrawals SUCK. They numb me more than anything and help quite a bit with anxiety but I still experience a lot of suicidal thoughts, urges to self harm, even homicidal thoughts and of course, I’m still pretty depressed. But like I said, I have stopped taking them a number of times over the years and without them, I’m even more unstable. So all they do is numb me and help with my anxiety a bit, make me feel like I’m not really here which is strange to experience. But bad thoughts and urges are definitely still there.
 
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
I'm actually glad I made this thread now. Just reminded me how terrible the meds made me feel.

I can't take being a slave like this anymore.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: Sereg0r
Yama

Yama

Member
Joined
Jul 8, 2021
Messages
52
I do. I tested so many things that I had the opporunity to retain those active principles that bring net positives instead of nulling the negatives (and again, at times they'll add many), amongst which, all of the psychiatric garbage meds belong. Anyway, I found different helpers that I alternate with but the ones acting on the GABA hormone are my favorite like Phenibut (nootropic) and Pregabaline and Gabapentin (pharmacy). My use is reasonable, once every other day or week. The same day, I'm more functional, motivated and euphoric, a lot more social and empathic. Then the afterglow can extend the same day, then a reboot to clear your system out of tolerance. And repeat. To be honest, somehow life changing, at least, enough impactful not to neglect. Nowadays, could not do without
Also enjoying Ketamine once in a while, for a deep cleansing of my mind and body.
Compared to anti-depressants and anti-psychotics, I just get no bad side effects which makes up for a clear winner. I-m still baffled that the pharmaceutical industry is keeping us away from what works just to generate profits and play with our health
 
Last edited:
RedEther

RedEther

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2021
Messages
70
If Im honest If I dint have my meds I would be alot worse then Iam now. I got lucky and dint have a lazy or money hungry doctor. She worked with me until we found the best thing that worked for my situation spisificly.
 
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
Well I was on meds and STILL lost jobs that I'd get. I can work a couple weeks and then it goes the same way. People completely disrespecting me. Abusing me. Trying to get me to do illegal things. Clearly I'm the problem. I was told this many times.

I'm not sure why I would try to make my life more managable honestly. There is no goal. There used to be but I'm just widely treated poorly so I've given up on trying to integrate into society whatsoever. I'm surviving off of money my mother provides and that's it. I've told her many times to just cut it off and she won't because I'll be homeless and then soon dead.

If anything, I would just like meds that knock me out 24/7. Like if I can just be asleep or in a drowsy state everyday, that would optimal.

I'm never gonna achieve anything or be not alone. An entire decade has passed of me doing absolutely nothing. Achieving nothing. The box only gets smaller and I often cannot breathe. There was a time I could manage an animal. I can't even anymore.

Thinking and trying to understand it just leads me to no options. Just the exit.
 
pakki

pakki

Member
Joined
Sep 13, 2021
Messages
5
I have been on multiple anti-depressants, none of which seem to do anything positive or negative. At least my sleeping pills help, although I often go 12+ hours while sleeping through my alarm clock.

Sleeping is actually quite nice, like a trial run of being dead.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: A_miStake_of_NATURE
RedEther

RedEther

Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2021
Messages
70
atari said:
Well I was on meds and STILL lost jobs that I'd get. I can work a couple weeks and then it goes the same way. People completely disrespecting me. Abusing me. Trying to get me to do illegal things. Clearly I'm the problem. I was told this many times.

I'm not sure why I would try to make my life more managable honestly. There is no goal. There used to be but I'm just widely treated poorly so I've given up on trying to integrate into society whatsoever. I'm surviving off of money my mother provides and that's it. I've told her many times to just cut it off and she won't because I'll be homeless and then soon dead.

If anything, I would just like meds that knock me out 24/7. Like if I can just be asleep or in a drowsy state everyday, that would optimal.

I'm never gonna achieve anything or be not alone. An entire decade has passed of me doing absolutely nothing. Achieving nothing. The box only gets smaller and I often cannot breathe. There was a time I could manage an animal. I can't even anymore.

Thinking and trying to understand it just leads me to no options. Just the exit.
Can relate to that. Doing everything possible to fit in to society and join work force, society says no. Ask for benefits, government says no join work force. Like...
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: A_miStake_of_NATURE
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
I didn't want to ask for benefits but even in the highest of ranks career wise...I'm always older. That makes no sense to me. I'm 31 but somehow I wind up being older than everyone even in career jobs.
 
C

clown_17

Time is of the essence
Joined
Oct 24, 2020
Messages
63
atari said:
Do they make you feel weak or vulnerable at all? Like personality wise.
Well I definitely feel like I bounce back from situations better. It’s like I reset faster after a bad thing. I also am less emotional, which is both a positive and a negative. I think it made my personality more dull but the trade off is I don’t over think and become miserable so no they don’t make me vulnerable if that’s what you’re asking. If you mean the stigma behind meds no I don’t feel bad for taking them, with my condition it would be dumb not to take them.
 
atari

atari

The Very Best
Joined
Jun 30, 2019
Messages
319
clown_17 said:
Well I definitely feel like I bounce back from situations better. It’s like I reset faster after a bad thing. I also am less emotional, which is both a positive and a negative. I think it made my personality more dull but the trade off is I don’t over think and become miserable so no they don’t make me vulnerable if that’s what you’re asking. If you mean the stigma behind meds no I don’t feel bad for taking them, with my condition it would be dumb not to take them.

Yeah I meant the vulnerability. Like if they make you prone to manipulation or extra sensitive.
 

Similar threads