Cosmic dust

Cosmic dust

Among the stars
Feb 28, 2022
116
29 years old, always living with my parents, I decided to move out after saving some money, rented out a small place for one, got myself some basic furniture, a big bed, dinner table, wardrobe and so on.

So far its been nice, to have independence, to do whatever I want without anyone looking, no one to bother me, not having to endure the small inconveniences that living with someone else brings, but a the end of the day I am still the same lonely and depressed person with absolute no point in life, only now with more bills to pay and more domestic chores to take my free time.

Society always seems to treat living by yourself as some kind of milestone of success, of independence, one person even congratulated me for "empowering" myself, lol, I am exactly the same suicidal person, only in a different physical space. I don't miss my family, I am visiting them on weekends and I always felt alone most of the time when I lived with my parents, it makes no difference.

I am thinking of CTB next year, because I promised myself I would wait at least until my 30s. Now I look around and think, what do I do now? Life is still pointless. Maybe I should try some drugs, buy more sex toys or whatever I wouldn't do in my parents house, at least until I am 30 and can finally CTB.

Any thoughts?
 
J

Julgran

Warlock
Dec 15, 2021
751
29 years old, always living with my parents, I decided to move out after saving some money, rented out a small place for one, got myself some basic furniture, a big bed, dinner table, wardrobe and so on.

So far its been nice, to have independence, to do whatever I want without anyone looking, no one to bother me, not having to endure the small inconveniences that living with someone else brings, but a the end of the day I am still the same lonely and depressed person with absolute no point in life, only now with more bills to pay and more domestic chores to take my free time.

Society always seems to treat living by yourself as some kind of milestone of success, of independence, one person even congratulated me for "empowering" myself, lol, I am exactly the same suicidal person, only in a different physical space. I don't miss my family, I am visiting them on weekends and I always felt alone most of the time when I lived with my parents, it makes no difference.

I am thinking of CTB next year, because I promised myself I would wait at least until my 30s. Now I look around and think, what do I do now? Life is still pointless. Maybe I should try some drugs, buy more sex toys or whatever I wouldn't do in my parents house, at least until I am 30 and can finally CTB.

Any thoughts?

Congratulations to your independence!

On the other hand - independence come with loneliness if you don't have a family of your own , or a friend group. A lack of a family and/or friend group is becoming increasingly common in todays' society, unfortunately, so you are not alone in being alone.
 
western_heart

western_heart

😇
May 23, 2021
285
I do not live alone anymore, but did for about six years in my 20s & thought about suicide a lot back then.

Do you like cats? When I lived on my own I adopted a cat, after staying with a friend who had one. she probably saved my life, there were multiple times when I was wanting to die but she loved me so much, I could not have left until I had a good home for her. (Which she eventually got when I had to move back across the country to live with my parents)

When I lived alone I did a lot of drugs too. Some are safe if you take care but many were harmful to me. Had a few 911 calls due to panic attacks/overdoses. Got addicted to stimulants which led to my breakdown that caused me to move back in with my parents, and I am still dependent on benzos. But I overcame alcohol addiction & no longer drink, and try my best to use drugs in a responsible manner.
 
onlyanimalsaregood

onlyanimalsaregood

Unlovable 💔 Rest in peace CommitSudoku 🤍
Mar 11, 2022
1,141
Congratulations to your independence!

On the other hand - independence come with loneliness if you don't have a family of your own , or a friend group. A lack of a family and/or friend group is becoming increasingly common in todays' society, unfortunately, so you are not alone in being alone.
Unfortunately this is quite true. I have always had difficulties dealing with loneliness :/
Do you like cats? When I lived on my own I adopted a cat, after staying with a friend who had one. she probably saved my life, there were multiple times when I was wanting to die but she loved me so much
I think if the OP likes animals it is an excellent idea. Animals are one of the few things I still like in this world. They give unconditional love like no other.
 
whatevs

whatevs

There is something special about deciding when
Jan 15, 2022
2,061
Makes perfect sense. In my case it would be even worse to live on my own, since my family are the only consistent social circle I have. I would be alone every day in my place.

Of course that an adult becoming independent is positive, but it's normally accompanied by a fulfilling life, romance, friends, some engrossing job. Otherwise it's just changing the scenery for your misery.
 
NoLightRemains

NoLightRemains

Member
Sep 26, 2021
88
Congrats on moving out and giving independence a chance.

I'm the same age and recently moved back in with parents after years of independence. When things were going well, I had a social life and work that occupied my free time and tended to keep any depressive thoughts manageable. I also had long term goals to keep me focused (find a fulfilling career, maintain friendships, etc.) Now that you have achieved independence, maybe you could explore another goal to work towards?
 
Cosmic dust

Cosmic dust

Among the stars
Feb 28, 2022
116
Makes perfect sense. In my case it would be even worse to live on my own, since my family are the only consistent social circle I have. I would be alone every day in my place.

Of course that an adult becoming independent is positive, but it's normally accompanied by a fulfilling life, romance, friends, some engrossing job. Otherwise it's just changing the scenery for your misery.

I can only dream about the wonders of the regular health adult life, with friends, romance and so on.

While I do like animals, I am not big on it and I am not sure if I could take care of one properly right now, I don't think its fair to bring an animal in, considering my current state.

Congrats on moving out and giving independence a chance.

I'm the same age and recently moved back in with parents after years of independence. When things were going well, I had a social life and work that occupied my free time and tended to keep any depressive thoughts manageable. I also had long term goals to keep me focused (find a fulfilling career, maintain friendships, etc.) Now that you have achieved independence, maybe you could explore another goal to work towards?

The idea is not bad, but I can't think of one goal to work forward, not one that is realistic, feasible and that I really want, I feel like I am just stuck on a dead end. I could, I suppose, find a yet better job (I am very satisfied where I am), study something, but what them? I probably would still be depressed. I always wanted to have a social life, but that depends on other people and I don't think its feasible, considering all the failiures of the past 15 years.

I also could have done this long before, while I am by no means rich, money has not been an issue for a few years now, but I just don't think it changes much.
 
B

bing

Member
Apr 15, 2022
83
my parents are my only source of contact besides work.

I’ve moved states now, this is the first time I am truly away from them and I’m feeling the isolation now.

I’m not sure whether moving away changes anything in your case or mine. Sure people may look at us as less of a loser but in my case they still call me a loser, weird, etc.

Honestly I’d like to just move back to my parents and give up completely on life. I hate going to work and doing pointless wage slaving. Idk if you have friends to do stuff with but that’s what can make life worth living. I got nobody and I’m almost 29 like you. Makes me suicidal. I just spend my time on the Internet wasting time.

I think isolation forces suicidal thoughts into your mind, there is no choice in the matter
 
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hopelessandhomeless

hopelessandhomeless

life and its opposite
Mar 1, 2022
154
your post made me think of the saying “wherever you go, there you are”. changing your circumstances won’t make your problems and suicidal ideation go away. there needs to be hard work put in. in order to bear the sufferings of life (work, school, family) you have to find purpose. you don’t have to have a outer goal to work towards like a career or school, the goal can be inward, like getting more disciplined and mentally tough.

independence can be a great thing if you manage to make use of your time! i hope all goes well for you!