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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
919
(Note: I have met him irl a few times, but these days we only talk on chat.)

I have a friend who has many times complained about one problem or another, but every time his problems end up smelling made up.


1st example: He has told me a lot of times that he has a lot of friends (both irl and on the net), so many in fact that he doesn't have enough hours in the day and days in the week for all of them. Plus, he regularly mentions having a friend visit him or him visiting someone else. Yet, he sometimes complains about "feeling lonely".

Today was one of those days. I offered him some advice when he complained being lonely, but (probably because he isn't really lonely) he somehow ended up telling me that he's "internet shy" (despite him having previously bragged how easily he makes friends in real life aka in hard mode). I wondered if he's afraid of having to use English on the Internet (as English isn't our native language). Nope, wasn't it.

Then I asked why he's shy on the net, and he told me that someone "may remember or have proof of something bad he has said on the net". I told him to not use the same username on all sites, but he thought someone may figure him out by his email address. I introduced him to "10 minute email" and asked him if he was afraid of being doxxed or stalked. He denied being afraid of them, but still said to me that someone may still get angry at him for saying something "bad" on the Internet. I asked him if he has ever said anything "bad" or if he fears that he is at a risk of accidentally/in the heat of the moment/while drunk/etc. saying something "bad". He once again denied, and then even added that he has a really good self-control. I flat out said to his online face: "So in the end, you have absolutely no real reason to be "shy" on the Internet? Plus you can just use the block/ignore features.". And he grudgingly agreed.

The final stick was when a mere hour after complaining about being lonely, he told me "Sorry if I reply slowly, I have three chats open". Then he did what he does almost every single day and started playing an MMO game with his friends. (Note: I have only two friends, him included, and I'm not even sure if they are friends in the real sense, so his behavior really annoys me.) (Note 2: Because I'm really lonely and because I just need to talk with someone, anyone, I have developed a bad habit of messaging him almost every day and asking him how he's doing and talking with him about all sorts of things. Thus, it would have been more logical for him to complain about the opposite, about not getting to be alone.)


2nd example: This year he has started to talk about a "mental problem" that I've never heard of despite having heard of all sorts of mental problems and difficulties thanks to spending hours every day learning about new things.

He told me he has a "harsh inner critic living in his head" (or something) driving him mad. I tried to understand his problem, so I asked him some clarifying questions.

Me: "Does it feel like there's another person inside of you?"
He: "No."
Me: "Do you hear voices in your head?"
He: "No."
Me: "Do you feel you're too hard on yourself?"
He: "No."
Me: "Do you feel that you're a loser or that no matter how well you do, you still do badly etc.. Do you feel you're being too perfectionist or not being good enough?"
He: "No."
Me: "Do you feel you're sometimes delusional/hallucinating/etc.?"
He: "No."

No matter what I thought, I got it wrong according to him. So finally I just asked him to give a really detailed explanation, and he gave me a very short explanation that once again made it look like he had a made-up problem. Even more insulting to me, a person who suffers from real problems, a short time ago he mentioned that he was now "feeling bad because he had defeated his awful inner critic". Really? He was "feeling bad" because his "inner critic" didn't "drive him mad" anymore? I didn't say anything nasty to him, though I did want to. He complained a whole week after that how his life is now "emptier and more awful" now that his inner critic is gone.


I suspect he just wants it to look like he's "the real victim" (a thing that's popular in my country nowadays) because...

A year or two ago, every time when I tried to tell him about my own, real, big problems, problems that have made me decide to do a suicide, he always got angry (yes, actually angry) and even belittled my problems and even straight up yelled at me "Shut up! I'm tired of hearing about your problems!".

(I want to write a lot more about the hurtful/nonsense things he's told me, but I guess it's better to save them for another thread.)


TL;DR: He sometimes complains about being lonely, despite often telling me he has so many friends he doesn't have enough time for all of them. He also first cried that he has a "harsh inner critic living inside his head driving him mad" (by doing absolutely nothing), and now he has cried that he doesn't have a "harsh inner critic living inside his head" anymore. All this after having previously told me my problems aren't real.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
919
Either he is a liar, or he's got some serious problems!

Yeah. I do wonder which one it is; does he lie or does he suffer from bad delusions?

Is he so pampered he feels lonely the second he doesn't have at least three people talking to him?
Is he so pampered that he thinks that not being able to publicly speak of "bad things" under his real name on Tumblr/Twitter/Deviantart/Reddit/etc. is being "shy"?
Is he so pampered that he invents a mental illness and then cries when he realizes he doesn't actually have it?
Or something entirely else?

Ah, I'm so confused.

Btw, about that "harsh inner critic". I do know people can actually suffer from a severe feeling of incompetence no matter how well they do, or people who are so perfectionist they are never satisfied with the results. I too do often feel like I'm bad at everything no matter how well I do. But I do also know that most people would actually be happier if their "harsh inner critic" went away.

If only I had as many friends as he does, I could just tell him that I don't want to be his friend anymore unless he stops acting the way he does now. And if he wouldn't improve, I could just leave him and go and hang out with real friends instead.
 
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