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Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
I have come to the conclusion that my dead husband is doing everything he can to stop me ctb.
I wanted to od on wed and took all my drugs out of the packaging ready to take but so didn't have enough and would have just screwed myself up without ctb.
I have been trying to do his head stone still after this time (just under 2 years) and feel I am still not ready but that is because I so want my name on the stone too.I returned to the same bridge today where I first went to jump.i went there because I wanted to feel him even though it was to hear him shout and scream at me not to do it ! I wanted some type of approval that he thought my chosen headstone words were good enough.I met a man that tried to talk me out of it but then other sucicidal person who was drunk came and sat next to me.I said we could jump together and he was up for it but the first man sent him on his way.To cut the story short,I left the bridge and went home realising that this bridge is not private enough.The police did not attend the bridge but they put two and two together and knew it was me after the first man reported me.The police then came round to my house and i was told I needed to go to hospital voluntary or be sectioned.I am in so much emotional pain and I just want it to end.why can I not go.I seriously think there is an afterlife and hubby is not letting me up or I just am not trying dam hard enough.! Maybe jumping not the answer.Thankyou for reading.I feel so disappointed.I Need to build up more strength as I am weak from lack of food and Meds.At home because I was convincing in my mental capacity.
 
Vincent Moraes

Vincent Moraes

Member
Jul 20, 2018
66
I can not relate to your actual life experience, but to your state of mind I can. You seem to be in despair, with racing thoughts and an unstopable wish to die. I've been there, and it is a terrible place. The most frustrating thing was that I wasn't even able to plan my suicide. It was a Constant wish, but with no direction. I really dont mean to be a life saver, but maybe you should take the advice of going to a hospital. I have been to one and it didnt take away my wish of death, but now I can think straight and plan things well. You already want to die, so you have nothing to lose. Maybe your despair.
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
I have been on a psy ward before and they detained me for 5 days whilst medicating me.my desire to die is constant even though I have a son and was on antidepressants.I lost all hope and i do live in despair and this has not improved any in the last 18 months.it's emotionally and mentally draining.
Thank you for your post.x
 
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I

itsallover

Arcanist
Jun 29, 2018
465
I'd rather die than go into another mental hospital. I was even in a state hospital for a few months. The doctors couldn't figure out what I was doing in there. They took me to court and recommend two years. Long story short I liked to drink and fight as a way to deal with emotional trauma. It all caught up to me though because they drugged the hell out of me where I can no longer function. I changed my ways but once you got that diagnosis on your back you're like an animal to them. Avoid the hospital. I would rather go to jail and learn something from the criminals.
 
shattered dreams

shattered dreams

Student
Jun 5, 2018
134
I'd rather die than go into another mental hospital. I was even in a state hospital for a few months. The doctors couldn't figure out what I was doing in there. They took me to court and recommend two years. Long story short I liked to drink and fight as a way to deal with emotional trauma. It all caught up to me though because they drugged the hell out of me where I can no longer function. I changed my ways but once you got that diagnosis on your back you're like an animal to them. Avoid the hospital. I would rather go to jail and learn something from the criminals.

I am sorry to hear that, but I know that all too well myself. I got put on legal 2000 in 2014. I spent six days in the regular hospital, and then 1 day in the state mental hospital. They were trying to medicate me in the regular hospital, but I refused. I was talking to one of the staff in the mental hospital, and he told me I better hope I get released that day. I cannot believe he told me this, but he said that big pharma uses the mental hospital patients as their guinea pigs. As a patient, you have to take whatever they give you and cannot refuse. I watched them force medicate a girl against her will as she was screaming strapped down on gurney. I spent a total of 20 hours in there, and I could not wait to get out. I agree, don't ever let them take you to the hospital. Nothing good will come of it.
 
Jerryman

Jerryman

Member
Jul 19, 2018
93
I feel your pain, I quite fancy the nitrogen method if I could get someone to remove the evidence after I've done it, don't want to destroy my family with suicide.
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
Wow some of these hospital stays sound harsh.I have never been medicated against my will which sounds horrible.I was unable to leave hospital when I requested my discharge.I was considered a danger to myself and they would section me to prevent me from leaving if I still wanted to continue with my request.i think I would now refuse Meds at every given opportunity and they would have to fight me every step of the way.I am beyond help.
 
Jerryman

Jerryman

Member
Jul 19, 2018
93
You might meet someone new. How old are you? how long were you with your husband?
 
Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
I was with my husband for 27 years and am now 44.
 
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S

Ssname

Experienced
Jun 30, 2018
268
Op I am really sorry you have gone through this. Whatever your decision I wish you nothing but the best. It might be of little worth but if you want to talk in here a few times a day.
 
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Lara Francis

Lara Francis

Enlightened
Jun 30, 2018
1,630
It's because you were with him for so long, you may be better in time, meet someone new and start a new life. I fully understand wanting to die.
I love your optimism.
Thankyou.
 
Smilla

Smilla

-
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
I feel your pain, I quite fancy the nitrogen method if I could get someone to remove the evidence after I've done it, don't want to destroy my family with suicide.

Have you thought of advertising for someone to do this for hire/pay?
 
G

goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
Wow some of these hospital stays sound harsh.I have never been medicated against my will which sounds horrible.I was unable to leave hospital when I requested my discharge.I was considered a danger to myself and they would section me to prevent me from leaving if I still wanted to continue with my request.i think I would now refuse Meds at every given opportunity and they would have to fight me every step of the way.I am beyond help.
Are you sectioned are they letting you use your phone ?
 
G

goggleboxers

-
May 24, 2018
145
I have come to the conclusion that my dead husband is doing everything he can to stop me ctb.
I wanted to od on wed and took all my drugs out of the packaging ready to take but so didn't have enough and would have just screwed myself up without ctb.
I have been trying to do his head stone still after this time (just under 2 years) and feel I am still not ready but that is because I so want my name on the stone too.I returned to the same bridge today where I first went to jump.i went there because I wanted to feel him even though it was to hear him shout and scream at me not to do it ! I wanted some type of approval that he thought my chosen headstone words were good enough.I met a man that tried to talk me out of it but then other sucicidal person who was drunk came and sat next to me.I said we could jump together and he was up for it but the first man sent him on his way.To cut the story short,I left the bridge and went home realising that this bridge is not private enough.The police did not attend the bridge but they put two and two together and knew it was me after the first man reported me.The police then came round to my house and i was told I needed to go to hospital voluntary or be sectioned.I am in so much emotional pain and I just want it to end.why can I not go.I seriously think there is an afterlife and hubby is not letting me up or I just am not trying dam hard enough.! Maybe jumping not the answer.Thankyou for reading.I feel so disappointed.I Need to build up more strength as I am weak from lack of food and Meds.At home because I was convincing in my mental capacity.
Where you from ? I’m considering a partner I’m in th uk male 40 looking at peaceful charcoal in a car method ? Near Merseyside