D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
877
I will never forgive myself because I have chosen this life.. just wondering what did I think before coming here. Or I have fucked it up after coming here? Since, I have got consciousness, from childhood I have a feeling that none will be there for me . I will end up alone eventually.. loneliness haunted me.. death is haunting me..My life has been shit as long as I can remember. Clueless, guilty, clumsiness, hopeless, self-hate.This is how I felt since I was a kid. My life is not as fucked up before as the way it is now. I have fucked it up.. I don't know what's wrong with the me.. no. I don't want to know. But,.I will not leave myself in the middle of this ocean.

I am happy I have the privilege to vent at the least

Edit: just wanted to vent out. Feeling good now.
 
Last edited:
Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
will never forgive myself because I have chosen this life..

I started reading self help books in my mid teens. One of the ideas that I grasped onto, was that I chose my life, my parents, ect.

Years later I was hit with the question, "if you can go back to any point in your life and make an alternate decision, which moment would you pick?"

I immediately said, the moment right before I "decided" to come into existence. Almost simultaneously, I realized, I didn't choose a damned thing! I just woke up here one day.

I don't know if you meant you chose your life metaphorically or based on life decisions. Either way, my hope is you won't be too hard on yourself.

I'm glad venting helped you feel better. It helps alot.
 
D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
877
I started reading self help books in my mid teens. One of the ideas that I grasped onto, was that I chose my life, my parents, ect.

Years later I was hit with the question, "if you can go back to any point in your life and make an alternate decision, which moment would you pick?"

I immediately said, the moment right before I "decided" to come into existence. Almost simultaneously, I realized, I didn't choose a damned thing! I just woke up here one day.

I don't know if you meant you chose your life metaphorically or based on life decisions. Either way, my hope is you won't be too hard on yourself.

I'm glad venting helped you feel better. It helps alot.

Thanks.I mean choosing this 'lifetime' from birth. I recently came across this in 'Richard martini's ' (a film-maker) content. I hate my life right now,.. so ,if I think' if I wantedly chose this life time, why did I chose a shitty life in which I will commit suicide?' .. I assume this is what you are asking .. so you are hesitant to believe this. This doubt hit me before. I read somewhere that we chose difficult lifetimes to learn some lessons and teach some lessons to others.. I think in the book ' journey of souls' .. I don't believe in this firmly. It is just a perspective from a person. we don't know really till we cross over to the other side (ctb)..☺️. Thanks for your kind words.
 
Sundayafternoon

Sundayafternoon

Cosmic panic
May 18, 2018
394
So many perspectives that don't sit well with me. :ehh: i can't fathom a reason for accumulating all these lessons. I sure as hell didn't pick my circumstances before I got here.

It seems like a form of shifting blame.
But like you said, they are just perspectives from people who have no clue.

RE: kind words - never a thanks needed. Sorry for late reply.
 
D

Donewith_

Elementalist
Sep 28, 2018
877
So many perspectives that don't sit well with me. :ehh: i can't fathom a reason for accumulating all these lessons. I sure as hell didn't pick my circumstances before I got here.

It seems like a form of shifting blame.
But like you said, they are just perspectives from people who have no clue.




It doesn't appear as a blame game . We all are stuck in these shitty situations in life and are fighting them with all we've got.