Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
Doubt, i'll get the job done but everything's in place.

Started drinking already, hoping to find 15 seconds of strength, madness, courage, cowardice or whatever it is to follow through to completion.

The fear is coming back as I draw my mind nearer to the task ahead of me.
 
Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
I'm still here. Couldn't do it once again. It's getting old. I may try to jump off the Lions Gate bridge instead. Family is in town so i'll have to wait a few weeks for my next window.

Wish I had an anchor point for full suspension.
 
W

war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
I am sorry to hear that, is your method jumping? May be you need another method if this particular method doesn't work for you. For me, I am determined to die and have a few serious attempts under my bely. I even went as far as going atop a skyscraper when I was desperate once but could not do it ( I don't consider this to be an attempt). But I knew then I was never made to be a jumper. My method now, N, makes it easier for me to overcome the survival instinct.
 
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Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
@Jon86
Sorry to hear you are going through all this.
I'm basically in the same situation.
Except I'm waiting to sign some paperwork, but the attourney is taking forever, he won't even respond to my text or emails anymore, otherwise I would be planning hanging tonight.
 
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Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
I am sorry to hear that, is your method jumping? May be you need another method if this particular method doesn't work for you. For me, I am determined to die and have a few serious attempts under my bely. I even went as far as going atop a skyscraper when I was desperate once but could not do it ( I don't consider this to be an attempt). But I knew then I was never made to be a jumper. My method now, N, makes it easier for me to overcome the survival instinct.

My method has been partial suspension hanging. I tried it for the first time nearly 5 years ago, since then i've tried probably around 6 or 7 times. I can never follow through to completion and always stand up. In the past, i feel like hope and guilt kept me around, nowadays it's more fear.

I watched 'The Bridge' years ago and have always imagined it as a somewhat nice way to go.

I would like N but by the time I got the seller's info, I was broke so I never got it. Even with N, i'm sure it would be difficult, it would be for me at least.
 
Definitelyworried

Definitelyworried

Member
Jun 19, 2018
555
My method has been partial suspension hanging. I tried it for the first time nearly 5 years ago, since then i've tried probably around 6 or 7 times. I can never follow through to completion and always stand up. In the past, i feel like hope and guilt kept me around, nowadays it's more fear.

I watched 'The Bridge' years ago and have always imagined it as a somewhat nice way to go.

I would like N but by the time I got the seller's info, I was broke so I never got it. Even with N, i'm sure it would be difficult, it would be for me at least.
I feel the same way, I'm scared of living and I'm scared of dying.
I also have trouble with relegious thoughts.
Are you or were you ever relegious?
 
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W

war-is-lost

Student
Apr 15, 2018
124
My method has been partial suspension hanging. I tried it for the first time nearly 5 years ago, since then i've tried probably around 6 or 7 times. I can never follow through to completion and always stand up. In the past, i feel like hope and guilt kept me around, nowadays it's more fear.

I watched 'The Bridge' years ago and have always imagined it as a somewhat nice way to go.

I would like N but by the time I got the seller's info, I was broke so I never got it. Even with N, i'm sure it would be difficult, it would be for me at least.

I have tried partial and I stood up. Then, I proceeded to full and achieved unconsciousness only for the rope to become undone at the anchor point. Were the rope more securely tied at the anchor, it would save me a lot of pain and I wouldn't be here typing this.
 
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Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
No, i'm not religious. Only, time I considered it growing up was after watching The Exorcist when I was around 10. I've never done anything truly unforgivable, so I figure if there is a heaven i'd go their. I have said a quick prayer before some 'attempts' though, just in case.

The first time I tried partial I used a cut off vacuum cord for the ligature it was absolute shit. I've got a legit climbing rope now and another nylon rope.

I used to do the doorknob over the door method but now I tie off onto a pullup bar because I realized the doorknob is super cheap. I'm afraid that somehow it won't work properly, whereas jumping the control is out of your hands.
 
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Jon86

Jon86

Specialist
Apr 9, 2018
371
U can't go full suspension from the pull up bar?

It's one of those ones you put in a doorway. It's on their solidly but it's only about 6 and a half feet high and i'm 6'1. Even if I could somehow manage to have my feet off the floor, my tippy toes would touch or I could pull myself to safety, making it no better than partial because it leaves you with the opportunity to abort the attempt.
 
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