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Jun 7, 2018
Hi. Thank you for reading me and excuse me for my english which isn't perfect.

I am 37 y old woman from the middle east. Was married to a french when i was 24. My bipolar disorder appears right after the wedding and i was hospitalized for 2 weeks because of severe hallucinations. My ex promised to stay with me and take care of me no matter what so we stayed together and lived in my country which was my decision in order to be near my family.
6 years ago i had again a big crisis and my ex took away my son who was 4 y to france.
I started fighting to win my son back. I have a lawyer in france. The procedure took 4 years and i lost. I got only the right to visit him in france which means spend a lot of money in traveling and being obliged to see my son in a hotel room which i hate.
I tried to live in france to be near him but had to come back to my country because i am affraid to live alone in a foreign country.
I tried many things to convince my ex to send my son to me during holidays. I beged him but he refuses.
Few months ago i decided to have resort again to the court and there is a hearing fixed for sept 25th. All i want is the right to have my son during halidays in my country.
The pb is that i am not sure about the future and what will be the decision of the court which makes me very nervous. I keep taking xanax in big quantities (5 pills each time). I don't have the strenght to fight anymore. I keep telling myself that i should wait to see what will be the decision of the court but all i think about is ctb.
I used to be a beautiful woman.But these 6 y have changed me a lot. Now when i look at the mirror i don't recognize myself.

I don't know why i am writing my story. All i know is that very soon i hope i will be buying the ppe handbook and will choose a method for ctb.

I feel that i have no dignity anymore and that my past is very heavy.
My seperation with my son destroyed me and ruined my life and my health.


Jun 30, 2018
I was able to understand your English, 100%. Sorry for your loss.


Jun 26, 2018
Hi Meena, welcome to the forum.

Your story is heartbreaking. We have (had?) another member named @Karlala who had his child taken away too. Read some of his posts and see if you can relate. Also, the PPH stipulates a 50 years old age limit so you will probably be better off relying on the resources you find here instead.

Deciding to CTB is never an easy choice, just know that in this forum you will not be attacked for making that choice. Take care Meena, hope you find peace. :-)
Kikoo Loool

Kikoo Loool

Feb 25, 2019
This story is heartbreaking. I'm here to listen to you.
  • Hugs
Reactions: Meena

Deleted member 1465

Jul 31, 2018
That's a sad tale. I'm really sorry for your experience. If there's still a chance of a good outcome then it must be worth waiting for the outcome of the hearing. I hope it works out for you. You can talk to people here until it happens. And your English is fine to be understood.


Dec 28, 2019
I am so, so sorry to read about your situation. It is disgusting that you are not allowed to meet your child. It is revolting!