• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

  • If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
I have no one and nothing to live for, I was only living for my mother and a person I talk to online because I didn't want to make them sad, but they have both said recently that they're tired of me, my mother has said that I should overdose already and the other person has said that it's annoying when I talk about suicide and that he wants to leave me

How do I cope with it? How do I cope with the people I was living for being tired of me? Without them there's nothing standing between me and suicide but I don't know if I'm ready for suicide yet
 
Red

Red

Mage
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
535
That’s atrocious, nobody should be that harsh to another human being! I’m sorry that these people have been so rude when expressing their frustration at your situation - even if that is the way they feel they should never put it as bluntly as that :angry:

It’s hard when you are so consumed by dark thoughts that this is all you can express, I know the feeling and received pretty much the same treatment myself. In fact, because people spoke to me like that, I even passed it onto someone else, someone very close and vulnerable, years ago; it obviously devastated them and I’ve never forgiven myself for it since (luckily they did!). I thought that how how people were supposed to deal with it, being as people didn’t hold back from saying that stuff to me - I was wrong and they were wrong.

You need better people around you to talk about this stuff to - are you close with anyone here? Forging a connection where you can speak about these things without judgement is priceless in this situation and key to your survival. From there you can let it all out in a safe environment and work from more solid ground than that which shifts under your feet with dodgy connections.

Having been on both sides of this, I am firmly on yours - it’s truly disgusting for a mother to tell her child to “just overdose already”, she needs a slap and to remember what her responsibility is to you as a parent.

The fact that you don’t actually want to do the deed speaks volumes and what you really need is proper support; therapy and friends! Do you go to therapy already or have you considered setting some up? Are there any other members of family who are nicer and more supportive?

I feel for you and am sorry for the treatment you have received. If you need a friend, or even just a sounding board where you are not judged and dismissed, my inbox is always open! :heart:

PS what they are saying is down to their own frustration and impatience, not down to you. There are better ways to handle this and unkindness isn’t the answer x
 
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
Red said:
That’s atrocious, nobody should be that harsh to another human being! I’m sorry that these people have been so rude when expressing their frustration at your situation - even if that is the way they feel they should never put it as bluntly as that :angry:

It’s hard when you are so consumed by dark thoughts that this is all you can express, I know the feeling and received pretty much the same treatment myself. In fact, because people spoke to me like that, I even passed it onto someone else, someone very close and vulnerable, years ago; it obviously devastated them and I’ve never forgiven myself for it since (luckily they did!). I thought that how how people were supposed to deal with it, being as people didn’t hold back from saying that stuff to me - I was wrong and they were wrong.

You need better people around you to talk about this stuff to - are you close with anyone here? Forging a connection where you can speak about these things without judgement is priceless in this situation and key to your survival. From there you can let it all out in a safe environment and work from more solid ground than that which shifts under your feet with dodgy connections.

Having been on both sides of this, I am firmly on yours - it’s truly disgusting for a mother to tell her child to “just overdose already”, she needs a slap and to remember what her responsibility is to you as a parent.

The fact that you don’t actually want to do the deed speaks volumes and what you really need is proper support; therapy and friends! Do you go to therapy already or have you considered setting some up? Are there any other members of family who are nicer and more supportive?

I feel for you and am sorry for the treatment you have received. If you need a friend, or even just a sounding board where you are not judged and dismissed, my inbox is always open! :heart:

PS what they are saying is down to their own frustration and impatience, not down to you. There are better ways to handle this and unkindness isn’t the answer x
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means so much to me

I have been to therapy and I'm on meds now, it helped but just a little bit

I don't even blame them or anything, I completely understand why they would be tired, but it hurts so much and I don't know how to cope

And the person I was talking to online has helped me countless times

I think I'll ctb eventually, I don't see myself living to old age, but now I'm scared of doing it because if I do it now, I'll die without ever having been happy, and I'm also scared because now there's nothing standing between me and suicide, I'm scared because I'm so close to death now and I'm scared of death

Thank you again for your lovely message ❤️
 
T

timf

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 26, 2020
Messages
426
When people feel bad it is natural for their focus to shift and narrow. However, when others only hear the a single "note" played (that seems to them) over and over, they may grow weary. From their perspective a person fixes a problem and then moves on.

It would be great if everyone was understanding or tolerant. Even greater if someone could tell you how to make everything better. However, we all have our limitations. When people tell you they are tired of you, they are really letting you know their own limitations.

Anyone stuck in a situation of pain faces two paths. One is experimenting with various ways to make things better. The other is to draw strength from friends and family. When we encounter the limits of our friends and family, it can be helpful to expand those upon whom we can rely (like making more friends) so that no one person is asked to shoulder more than they are capable of.

It is possible to increase the toleration limits of friends and family by asking for their suggestions and help in experimenting in ways to improve things. Just as friends and family can lose interest if they conclude that you do not want to make things better, their willingness to help can increase if they see you attempting to make changes or improvements.

One element that makes improvement experimentation or expanding a circle of friends difficult is that it can be wearying. Overbearing pessimism or hopelessness can suck the energy out of someone. For this reason it can be useful to program into your life an occasional indulgence such as a favorite film, book, or other diversion for the sole purpose of breaking the accumulation of despair. This can open a small door to a reserve of energy that helps fuel improvement attempts.
 
Red

Red

Mage
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
535
ncmxm said:
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, it means so much to me

I have been to therapy and I'm on meds now, it helped but just a little bit

I don't even blame them or anything, I completely understand why they would be tired, but it hurts so much and I don't know how to cope

And the person I was talking to online has helped me countless times

I think I'll ctb eventually, I don't see myself living to old age, but now I'm scared of doing it because if I do it now, I'll die without ever having been happy, and I'm also scared because now there's nothing standing between me and suicide, I'm scared because I'm so close to death now and I'm scared of death

Thank you again for your lovely message ❤️
Spreading it out between several trusted people instead of outpouring to one or two might help make it more manageable? I know how hard it is to stay positive and to not be consumed by these feelings! It helps a great deal if you train yourself to strike a balance between positive and negative - for your own sake if not for anyone else’s.

You and your feelings have a place in this world, just like anyone else’s! Being a sensitive soul is both a blessing and a curse… I’m sure you have many beautiful, shining qualities to share with the world! Knowing pain like this primes you to be able to sympathise with others who are struggling and you’d be surprised just how strong people who think they are weak can be! I find that helping others helps me, makes me feel good about being a bit squishy as a human being, for it’s nothing to be ashamed of :happy:

It wasn’t just an empty offer honey, if you need a friend I’m here to listen and to offer support if you need it. Helping others helps me too, for there is much satisfaction and confidence to be gained in lifting up another in dark times.

If you can, try to reach out to a wider network of people, let out the darkness in short, controlled bursts and try to find a counterpoint to each negative thought - it’s hard to begin with but gets easier as you learn to cope and look for the sunny side. Dark humour is a good way to bridge the gap; joking about our plight is sometimes the most effective way to battle it.

Much love to you and your shiny, squishy soul :heart:
 
  • Like
Reactions: ncmxm
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
timf said:
When people feel bad it is natural for their focus to shift and narrow. However, when others only hear the a single "note" played (that seems to them) over and over, they may grow weary. From their perspective a person fixes a problem and then moves on.

It would be great if everyone was understanding or tolerant. Even greater if someone could tell you how to make everything better. However, we all have our limitations. When people tell you they are tired of you, they are really letting you know their own limitations.

Anyone stuck in a situation of pain faces two paths. One is experimenting with various ways to make things better. The other is to draw strength from friends and family. When we encounter the limits of our friends and family, it can be helpful to expand those upon whom we can rely (like making more friends) so that no one person is asked to shoulder more than they are capable of.

It is possible to increase the toleration limits of friends and family by asking for their suggestions and help in experimenting in ways to improve things. Just as friends and family can lose interest if they conclude that you do not want to make things better, their willingness to help can increase if they see you attempting to make changes or improvements.

One element that makes improvement experimentation or expanding a circle of friends difficult is that it can be wearying. Overbearing pessimism or hopelessness can suck the energy out of someone. For this reason it can be useful to program into your life an occasional indulgence such as a favorite film, book, or other diversion for the sole purpose of breaking the accumulation of despair. This can open a small door to a reserve of energy that helps fuel improvement attempts.

I agree completely with what you say and I know you are right. The problem though is that I can't seem to be able to get better, I have been like this for years and it has only gotten worse with time. I'm drowning and dragging down everyone who is holding my hand with me and sometimes I think it would be better for everyone involved if I just let go of their hands. In my case suicide would be a permanent solution to a permanent problem but death still scares me.

Eta I understand that there is a limit to everyone's patience and that other people have their own problems to deal with, but even though I understand it perfectly, it still makes me feel bad emotionally, it makes me feel rejected and unneeded
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: SpinTop555
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
Red said:
Spreading it out between several trusted people instead of outpouring to one or two might help make it more manageable? I know how hard it is to stay positive and to not be consumed by these feelings! It helps a great deal if you train yourself to strike a balance between positive and negative - for your own sake if not for anyone else’s.

You and your feelings have a place in this world, just like anyone else’s! Being a sensitive soul is both a blessing and a curse… I’m sure you have many beautiful, shining qualities to share with the world! Knowing pain like this primes you to be able to sympathise with others who are struggling and you’d be surprised just how strong people who think they are weak can be! I find that helping others helps me, makes me feel good about being a bit squishy as a human being, for it’s nothing to be ashamed of :happy:

It wasn’t just an empty offer honey, if you need a friend I’m here to listen and to offer support if you need it. Helping others helps me too, for there is much satisfaction and confidence to be gained in lifting up another in dark times.

If you can, try to reach out to a wider network of people, let out the darkness in short, controlled bursts and try to find a counterpoint to each negative thought - it’s hard to begin with but gets easier as you learn to cope and look for the sunny side. Dark humour is a good way to bridge the gap; joking about our plight is sometimes the most effective way to battle it.

Much love to you and your shiny, squishy soul :heart:

Thank you so much again for your reply and thank you for your offer, I think I don't have permission to message you though, when I click on your profile it says I have no permission to perform this action

Could you please message me? I hate to be a bother but I really need someone to talk to now
 
Red

Red

Mage
Joined
Apr 10, 2019
Messages
535
ncmxm said:
Thank you so much again for your reply and thank you for your offer, I think I don't have permission to message you though, when I click on your profile it says I have no permission to perform this action

Could you please message me? I hate to be a bother but I really need someone to talk to now
Hmm it seems I’m unable to as of yet - I think you need to post a certain number of times/be a member for a certain length of time before you’re able to send/receive messages?

Just keep posting and checking if the function appears and I’ll do the same, we’ll get there eventually! x

In the meantime, take a deep breath, indulge in a little self care and give yourself a break! It’s perfectly natural to hit rough times and to flounder for a while before you find a way forward, you’re not an anomaly in this respect!

Is there anything you can do to care for yourself and distract away from internal feelings for a while, like have a soak in the bath, do nails or a face mask, or even watch something funny to escape your own brain for a bit? I know it feels relentless right now but there are ways to trick yourself into getting away from it if only for a little while :heart:
 
meetapple

meetapple

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2021
Messages
78
You might also consider starting a diary In which you can express feelings to yourself. Since only you are privy to it’s contents you don’t have to censor yourself.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tegan_sky and ncmxm
Foreversad

Foreversad

(D)uck prolifers
Joined
Jun 21, 2021
Messages
412
ncmxm said:
I have no one and nothing to live for, I was only living for my mother and a person I talk to online because I didn't want to make them sad, but they have both said recently that they're tired of me, my mother has said that I should overdose already and the other person has said that it's annoying when I talk about suicide and that he wants to leave me

How do I cope with it? How do I cope with the people I was living for being tired of me? Without them there's nothing standing between me and suicide but I don't know if I'm ready for suicide yet
Exact opposite .my mother doesn't let me or help me ctb at all .i have 5 diseases .no quality of life and ill end up in pain disability homelless and she like ' ok youll make it ' .
More like ' thats for you , these are your problems get done with them '
 
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
Foreversad said:
Exact opposite .my mother doesn't let me or help me ctb at all .i have 5 diseases .no quality of life and ill end up in pain disability homelless and she like ' ok youll make it ' .
More like ' thats for you , these are your problems get done with them '

I'm so sorry, I can't even imagine how difficult it must be when you have so many serious problems and they're dismissed like that

If you think talking to someone can help, you can always message me
 
  • Like
Reactions: Red
Life.Journey.Unknown

Life.Journey.Unknown

Member
Joined
Feb 24, 2020
Messages
52
Don't let their comments and negativity influence you. It is so sad that those people have said those things and made you feel the way you do now. Very sad that your mother said that to you.
I'm so sorry to hear that.

You said that you were living for those two people because you didn't want to make them sad. I can relate to that.
That tells me that you are very considerate and empathetic to other people's feelings.
It must feel like your care for their feelings for them to say those things to you is like kicking you when you're down.
I don't know why they said those things to you.

You say you were living for those people. But I truly think you need to try living for yourself.
You empathy and consideration for others is a beautiful attribute. If there were more people in this world with those attributes then the world would be a better place.

Focus some of that energy and care onto yourself, because your mother and your online friend don't deserve your focus.

And you CERTAINLY DON'T deserve to feel that suicide is your only option because of their comments.
Don't let their comments make you feel that way.
 
  • Like
  • Love
Reactions: ncmxm and Red
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
Life.Journey.Unknown said:
It must feel like your care for their feelings for them to say those things to you is like kicking you when you're down

Yes this is what it felt like for me, but I also understand that it is difficult for them, as timf said.

Life.Journey.Unknown said:
Focus some of that energy and care onto yourself, because your mother and your online friend don't deserve your focus

My mother has never been very kind to me, but my friend has done so much for me, he has supported me more times than I can count and he always tries to make me feel better, I can see why he would be tired, plus he's dealing with a lot of his own problems now. I have no bad feelings towards him at all, it just hurt in the moment.

Life.Journey.Unknown said:
And you CERTAINLY DON'T deserve to feel that suicide is your only option because of their comments.

I feel like suicide would be the best option for me for a lot of reasons, I just don't enjoy being alive and I don't see it ever getting better, their words just made me feel like it would be better for everyone involved if I just died.

And thank you so much for your reply ❤️
 
stellabelle

stellabelle

ethereal
Joined
Dec 14, 2018
Messages
3,370
ncmxm said:
I have no one and nothing to live for, I was only living for my mother and a person I talk to online because I didn't want to make them sad, but they have both said recently that they're tired of me, my mother has said that I should overdose already and the other person has said that it's annoying when I talk about suicide and that he wants to leave me

How do I cope with it? How do I cope with the people I was living for being tired of me? Without them there's nothing standing between me and suicide but I don't know if I'm ready for suicide yet
It’s cruel and exhausting. I know how that feels to be told I’m tired of you. It’s very sad because it creates an outcast. That happens in families, work situations, roommate situations, relationships, in schools, and colleges. Be easy on yourself. This isn’t a “right of passage” - but unfortunately many people are existing without acceptance by their communities, peers, and families. They just pick a target and then that’s the new norm. Maybe there are other folks you can talk to that enjoy your company. Take your time and try not to be hard on yourself.
 
  • Love
Reactions: ncmxm
ncmxm

ncmxm

Member
Joined
Jun 9, 2021
Messages
41
stellabelle said:
It’s cruel and exhausting. I know how that feels to be told I’m tired of you. It’s very sad because it creates an outcast. That happens in families, work situations, roommate situations, relationships, in schools, and colleges. Be easy on yourself. This isn’t a “right of passage” - but unfortunately many people are existing without acceptance by their communities, peers, and families. They just pick a target and then that’s the new norm. Maybe there are other folks you can talk to that enjoy your company. Take your time and try not to be hard on yourself.

Thank you for your comment, you're very kind ❤️
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
Shelterfromthestorm Scared of medication but need help to cope with dep Recovery 3
Darrenloses I need help. Recovery 10
L I need help. Recovery 6

Similar threads