Readytogo227

Readytogo227

I just want peace.
Jun 26, 2018
76
Got my sn coming in a couple days, but I dunno what I can take for nausea. I have a spot planned, but my family is going to be in my thoughts stopping me. I'm trying not to let the guilt stop me. Last time i was saved by an off duty cop that just happened to be in the frickin woods at the time.

I have a husband, and a good family but feel so alone. Nothing ever is enough to ease the mental anguish I fight every day. I need this. I want this. Why am I scared this time? I feel alone. Will I die alone too? I want to say goodbye to a few friends but am scared they'll freak out and throw me back to the nuthouse. Fml
 
YaYaDr

YaYaDr

Student
Jun 26, 2018
128
Having family is definitely a catch-22. You want to end your suffering, and yet you don't want to cause others to suffer. If you don't mind my asking, why do you want to ctb?
 
S

Sternum

Student
May 12, 2018
121
Got my sn coming in a couple days, but I dunno what I can take for nausea. I have a spot planned, but my family is going to be in my thoughts stopping me. I'm trying not to let the guilt stop me. Last time i was saved by an off duty cop that just happened to be in the frickin woods at the time.

I have a husband, and a good family but feel so alone. Nothing ever is enough to ease the mental anguish I fight every day. I need this. I want this. Why am I scared this time? I feel alone. Will I die alone too? I want to say goodbye to a few friends but am scared they'll freak out and throw me back to the nuthouse. Fml

First, sorry that you feel this way, it sucks. Second, you sound alone from the people in your proximity but you aren’t alone here. I can tell you that nothing is ever enough to ease the mental anguish for me either. And I need to ctb too. It will happen when I’m ready (soon, I hope). Third, I would recommend not giving details to those people unless you are ready to deal with all the shit of involuntary hospitalization. On the other hand, if you want to say goodbye to some friends, do it in a way that doesn’t indicate your immediate plans — speak more generally. Primarily, don’t say that you have a specific plan or intent to harm yourself in any way in the near future. Leave that alone, and you should be free to express your feelings to them without being forced into some institution. If you end up getting seen in the ER or something, and they ask you if you are going to harm yourself, just say something like ‘no, I’m just feeling bad right now, but I’m not going to do anything.’
 
Readytogo227

Readytogo227

I just want peace.
Jun 26, 2018
76
Having family is definitely a catch-22. You want to end your suffering, and yet you don't want to cause others to suffer. If you don't mind my asking, why do you want to ctb?
I don't mind. I've been struggling with major depression all my life. My first attempt was when i was 9 years old. I hate my looks, my self, my everything. Despite my friends and family, I still want to ctb. I'm tired of explaining myself to my family. I'm tired of racing up medical debt with failed attempts. I need this last time, whenever it may be, to work and finally put me to eternal rest and peace.
 
YaYaDr

YaYaDr

Student
Jun 26, 2018
128
I don't mind. I've been struggling with major depression all my life. My first attempt was when i was 9 years old. I hate my looks, my self, my everything. Despite my friends and family, I still want to ctb. I'm tired of explaining myself to my family. I'm tired of racing up medical debt with failed attempts. I need this last time, whenever it may be, to work and finally put me to eternal rest and peace.
Thank you for sharing this. I think I understand where you're coming from. I too have depression and it is definitely no picnic.

Where I believe some people misunderstand depression is when they tell us, "oh, you just need therapy, medication, or to get out more." No. Depression is the symptom to a larger problem. For you Readytogo227, that problem is with your looks, yourself, everything. Perhaps there is something more personal that you haven't shared yet, but the point is no amount of therapy, medicine, or field trips is going to change these things. Personally, I found that these treatments only served to mask the problem.

Isn't it funny? I can relate to you when you tell me how depression and suicidal tendencies have effected your life. At the same time, I can never understand completely until I have, as the proverb goes, walked a mile in your shoes. We are all fighting our own personal demons - customized for our own suffering. As you fight those demons, I hope that this forum can provide some solace to ease your transition into the next realm of existence. By coming here, I can at least attest that you have effected me in some small way.

I appreciate you for that. Thank you.
 
Readytogo227

Readytogo227

I just want peace.
Jun 26, 2018
76
Thanks. I feel like i can truly express my real self here. Btw will Dramamine work as an antiemetic or is it too weak since it's OTC?
 
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Azure

Azure

Little Chemist
Jun 13, 2018
135
Thanks. I feel like i can truly express my real self here. Btw will Dramamine work as an antiemetic or is it too weak since it's OTC?
Is it a dopamine blocker? I've looked around a bit and have not found any conclusive articles about this. Please consider ordering Reglan or Primperan (Metoclopramide) instead.
 
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