Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
I am never left alone in the house.
My mum's been off work for a while. I thought that it was just the long holiday, but recently she said that she stopped work to take care of me. This makes me livid. She cooks for me. That's it. She barely speaks to me. I prefer it that way because she insults me a lot whenever she speaks (though supposedly she doesn't mean to).
My mum and sister have just gone out to town. A while ago, my dad would have gone with them and I'd have been alone for a few hours. But no, he's staying here.
I want nothing to do with them. I do not respect them at all. They argue with me and insult me and generally disrespect me and then they justify that.
They don't speak to me much, no proper conversations, at least, and they get frustrated with me all the time. They get angry with me for not getting better. They angrily tell me how illogical I am when I tell them of my depressive thoughts. They blame for everything.
I tell them that I'm isolated because I have no friends and everyone ignores me - "It's probably because you give off bad vibes".
When I sit around not doing anything, it's always "you're not making things any better for yourself".
One of them says that nothing is mine, not even my room, and that I don't fucking do anything; the other's response? "They're just angry because they care about you, and anyway, you were the one shouting first".

One time, I was about to cut my hair and my mum started being hysterical about it and told me that she wanted it longer, but it doesn't matter what she wants because I'd just do it anyway, and she ended up storming out. Over hair. She's so pathetic.
She talks to me about her friendship sometimes and I talk with her about that because it's better than doing nothing, and she tells me that I'm the only one in the family who she can talk to about this stuff.
Yet I can't even talk to her because she refuses to speak about negative stuff because "that won't get me better", so I'll be very suicidal and she'll be talking about the weather or family members or some other random topic.
My dad thinks that suicide is a stupid idea. You'd think that if a parent found out that their offspring is suicidal, that they'd try to comfort them and have a sensitive, compassionate conversation with them about it, but instead all I got was his angry rant about how stupid it was and how illogical I am to think that.
My mum refuses to acknowledge that to call someone spoilt is offensive.
They get angry with me for "having them run around after me like skivvies". They only really talk to me to ask me about food and drink and then they get angry that they feel like skivvies.
They just say whatever they want to me and it doesn't matter how much it offends me because they "care about me". They're of the view that everything they say is right and that I just say illogical things so they need to tell me how wrong I am.
My mum always acts in pretty much the same way - she is almost always frustrated with me.
My dad can be calm at times and seem quite reasonable, and he tries to speak sensitively to me. I tell him that he'll just argue with whatever I say, and he promises me that he'll listen to me and that he won't get angry and that he just wants to hear what I have to say. I mention that he always argues with me and he says acknowledges that he does but says that he won't this time. Then he gets frustrated that I won't tell him. Sometimes I'd tell him a bit of what I'm thinking, and then he'd just get angry at the way that I think.
I don't talk to them about how I feel now. They still get angry and frustrated with me.
My dad shouts really loudly when he's annoyed, and it just sets me on edge and makes me angry. The dogs will gets in his way and he'll shout really loud. I hate having to hear him.
They say that they care about me but they only make me more suicidal. They threatened to have me sectioned for half a year once, because I argued with them.
It's always about them. I ran away on the family holiday and was hospitalised for a week, on fluids.
I'd imagine that most parents would try to have a calm discussion with their offspring about what made them do that, and show compassion and concern for them.
My parents haven't talked about my running away much at all, but they talk about how they didn't get to have a holiday. One of my mum's friends was pressuring her to help out; my mum spoke to me frustratedly about it - "She doesn't appreciate that our holiday was ruined". She's frustrated because my running away ruined the holiday and she didn't get to have a break, but she doesn't care that I felt bad enough that I ran away and had my life put at risk because of it. And she complains to me about not getting a holiday as if I'm supposed to care that it was ruined.
She dislikes that her friend fails to acknowledge that she has more important issues to deal with, yet she fails to acknowledge that with me. Expects me to sympathsie with her about her ruined holiday, when she only refers to my running away to say how inconvenient it was.

They ignore me, get frustrated with me, blame me, and then get mad because I don't get better.
And they won't even leave me alone in the house. Think they're so fucking responsible for staying in to look after me. They make me feel worse, and they make it really hard for me to end it. They should either mistreat me and leave me alone, or make me feel better and restrict me, but no, they have to make it as unbearable as possible. They are always constantly making things harder for me.
I'm going to have to go when they're alseep, but my sister keeps an aggressive dog, and that complicates things. If it wakes up, it'll make a lot of noise and probably try to attack me, and then my plan will be ruined.
I haven't been alone in the house for months!!


Jul 26, 2018
I’m sorry you have to deal with that and I hope that at some point you can be alone. Do you have to share your room with your siblings?


Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
Ohh dude I feel you. I understand you perfectly. Reading this was like mirroring my own mind.

I lived EVERYTHING you said. The toxic comments, the emotional (and physical) abuse, the lack of freedom in myself... Absolutely everything with no exceptions. You described my relation with parents.

I know how you feel and I'm very sorry. I suffered the same than you. I'm tired of people who says me I should value them more, like if I owe something to that monsters.

You don't owe a shit to them either. They act like cunts and they only do damage to others. I hope they don't annoy you very much.
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Invisible anarchist
Jul 9, 2018
Thanks for your reply. They annoy me a lot, but there's not much that can be done about that. I'd move out if I could but I haven't the money.
I think one of the worst things about it is that I don't think they would class as abusive. I'd rather them be outright abusive so that then at least I'd feel that my reaction towards them is reasonable. I'm the only one who gets offended by them, so sometimes I wonder if it isn't just my perspective.
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