FarAcrossTheWater

FarAcrossTheWater

Experienced
Sep 4, 2020
205
No one wants to be around depressed suicidal people. Tell people about how bad it is? They will drop you. They will claim you are seeking attention. The only people that care in my life are people I pay. There is only one answer.
 
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http-410

nowhere
Sep 12, 2020
734
Yes, I can't blame them though.

Dealing with sick people (especially if one doesn't have a professional background that allows one to emotionally distance oneself from the sick people) can make one sick - at least I suspect so. So I think it's kind of self-protection.
 
FarAcrossTheWater

FarAcrossTheWater

Experienced
Sep 4, 2020
205
Yes, I can't blame them though.

Dealing with sick people (especially if one doesn't have a professional background that allows one to emotionally distance oneself from the sick people) can make one sick - at least I suspect so. So I think it's kind of self-protection.
I get that but it doesnt make the pain any less significant. Imagine you're drowning and no one helps because they themselves could drown.
 
UseItOrLoseIt

UseItOrLoseIt

1O'8
Dec 4, 2020
2,019
Besides bad mood being contagious and people wanting to avoid it, I think there's also the question of understanding. Pain that is not felt is rarely understood. And people tend to look at what they don't understand in black and white terms. The soultion is always simple when it's someone else's problem.
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Sep 12, 2020
734
I get that but it doesnt make the pain any less significant. Imagine you're drowning and no one helps because they themselves could drown.
Yes, I agree. Unfortunately, I don't know any solutions either, but I think I can understand your frustration.

Many people say that one has to "help" oneself. How that's supposed to work when you're about to drown and you don't have a lifebuoy and maybe a stone attached on your leg that drags you down, I don't know either.

I think to a certain point it might work to struggle to stay on the surface, but at some point it doesn't work anymore. From experience, nobody wants (or can't) to deal with these cases in particular.
 
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BornofDust

BornofDust

Student
Dec 11, 2020
131
Unfortunately that is true in my experience. It's true that people don't want to deal with people like us because it dampens the mood, I understand ,it can be exhausting and draining being around sick people. I understand, not everyone is able to deal with that type of emotional load all the time, and its not exactly reasonable to expect them to, especially when they have their own issues to deal with.

Sometimes its also because they just simply don't want to deal with us and our problems since they see it as a nuisance to theirs's and everyone else lives. Our issue's can be seen as " minor." compared to everything else going on. That we're being downers or negative. Or worst case scenario, we need to stop " complaining" and " whining.' and that the "world doesn't owe us anything." And that no one is obligated to help us and we're on our own.

Either way most people, despite claiming " support." rally don't wanna deal with us when push comes to solve.
 
ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
I've been on both sides, and understand each. Well, some people just straight up don't care and think we're being over dramatic or something and that really upsets me. I want to be there for my friends especially when they're down, and I am when I can be and my own mental problems aren't completely drowning me to the point I can't talk to anyone. I know what it's like to need someone, but there is a limit. For instance, I had to cut ties with one friend because it was very one-sided. Our entire friendship was centered on her problems and her life. Lord forbid we ever discuss mine. She would talk over me a lot, always changed the the subject back to what she wanted to talk about (her), and she just didn't really listen to me, but expected me to listen to her. I finally got fed up and ended it. I'm sure according to her, I abandoned her in her time of need. To me, I got out of a toxic friendship with someone who didn't give a shit about me and only used me to unload on.

I do think we also need to realize the effect we have on other people, and if we cared about them, we wouldn't want to drown them in our negativity either. There does need to be a balance, and it can be difficult to navigate and I we all slip up sometimes. Not saying this is what you're doing though. I don't know your situation. It really is hard finding friends that have the strength (or empathy) to keep up with us. I isolate myself anyway when I'm at my worst, and don't naturally go to people for help so maybe it is different for me. That doesn't mean I don't still desire a friend to be there for me though, but I think deep down, I'm scared of scaring anyone away even if I'm not consciously aware that's why I do it. It feels better to think I'm the one who is isolating myself, rather than other people deciding to leave me.

I'm sorry you're struggling. Depression is a monster. I really wish it could all just turn around for you.
 
gus.nixon

gus.nixon

and now we rise and we are everywhere
Apr 19, 2020
299
No one wants to be around depressed suicidal people. Tell people about how bad it is? They will drop you. They will claim you are seeking attention. The only people that care in my life are people I pay. There is only one answer.
So true! I told my "best" friend last year about my suicide ideation and he told me that I was being selfish and manipulative. He's not my best friend anymore. I don't blame him though; suicide is way the fuck out there for most people. Unfathomable.
 
ohhgeeitsme

ohhgeeitsme

Wizard
Feb 5, 2020
687
So true! I told my "best" friend last year about my suicide ideation and he told me that I was being selfish and manipulative. He's not my best friend anymore. I don't blame him though; suicide is way the fuck out there for most people. Unfathomable.
Ugh. So sorry you had to deal with that. Honestly, someone telling me that after reaching out to them would only make me more likely to go through with it.
 
S

Symbiote

Has left the building
Oct 12, 2020
2,605
Even harsher, that even though you feel that no one cares, the fact that same friend will care about another person more than you. So that means that you don't matter. You're not worth the time to be helped or be listened to. You are nothing to them and they are OK with that until you're dead, then they all of a sudden care. But it's the type of hypocritical caring that they talk amongst their circle of friends because they feel that they matter, and you still don't, even after death.

Realizing that helped me come to terms that I'll be lonely in this world and that I could leave whenever I want to. I'm still alive for selfish reasons, I'm trying to be less selfish and killing myself would be the best course.
 
BornofDust

BornofDust

Student
Dec 11, 2020
131
Even harsher, that even though you feel that no one cares, the fact that same friend will care about another person more than you. So that means that you don't matter. You're not worth the time to be helped or be listened to. You are nothing to them and they are OK with that until you're dead, then they all of a sudden care. But it's the type of hypocritical caring that they talk amongst their circle of friends because they feel that they matter, and you still don't, even after death.

Realizing that helped me come to terms that I'll be lonely in this world and that I could leave whenever I want to. I'm still alive for selfish reasons, I'm trying to be less selfish and killing myself would be the best course.
Yep. That's because people tend to pick and choose who's important and who's not. Especially if they feel like that person has a lot more to offer for them in life, or simply feel like they have a better connection with. People like us are just not considered worth it for people to even think about simply because we are seen as worthless losers who should accept our misery in silence . I've seen many times how people who truly care for someone will always find a way to make time for them. The fact that you never got that even once shows how they view you, and most people in this site. As insects to swap away at when encountered. Either way, people view people . People only see's people like them worthy of care. And It's sad that many people get to have compassion and connection ,especially in hard times. Yet so many people are purposely left behind simply because your below even the slightest of consideration.

The connection and compassion we desire from others only seems to happen to those who have it together and or provide people with laughter, love and fun. Something We can't necessarily bring to the table because we don't know what that is in the first place. Plus I've heard this quote from this comedian that basically states " people like to help people that can help themselves." and he used an example of people helping out someone who's struggling to fix his car in the middle of the road in contrast with passing by someone breaking down in tears because said car's broke down. So I guess that has to do with that aspect as well. People only willing to help " healthier' people, especially people who brings a lot to our lives unlike us( from their perspective anyway). Hence people tend to leave people like us behind because as someone once put it " I don't wanna deal with no one else's problems." unless its someone either like them or is a more well-rounded individual. Ok my rants over lol.
 
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ldlzrs

ldlzrs

Member
Jun 28, 2019
80
Idk if this makes any sense... but I noticed it's almost a universal law of nature that those who need something the most, are the least likely to get it. "Fortune smiles on the fortunate." Like, if you already have a lot of money, it's very easy to make tons more. If you are already popular, more and more people will love you. If you've been deprived of love and care, it will be extremely hard to get it. People can sense neediness from miles away. If they sense you want approval and care, you will get NONE. If you say "I'm depressed, I need some reassurance", they will avoid you like the plague. Lack of love & care causes depression > this causes desire for love & care > this desire causes everyone to abandon you :happy: It's like a catch 22. Life is fun!
 
nohopeforethefuture

nohopeforethefuture

I deserve to die
Nov 30, 2020
127
I think its just more so that no one can care. Theyre busy with the own lives, their own problems. Living life is a full time job, and nobody in their right mind has time for two lives.

You see parents struggle to properly be there for their kids. Partners incapable of loving their SO right. Hell, most of us can’t even take care of our own lives, let alone someone else’s. So when your friend says he’ll be there for you, he means in that moment only. Not at any moment at any time.

At least for me, I’m so preoccupied with how I feel and how no one can be there for me, I dont have time to be there for anyone else either. Making humans a social species was probably the biggest mistake ever.
 
Tkmiz_Tsukumizu

Tkmiz_Tsukumizu

Specialist
Feb 3, 2021
326
No one wants to be around depressed suicidal people. Tell people about how bad it is? They will drop you. They will claim you are seeking attention. The only people that care in my life are people I pay. There is only one answer.
They don't but honestly, its fine because who wants to be around people like that from their perspective they would suck out the joy of life from them while still being miserable. Don't blame people for distancing themselves from me, though not all people are like that, some do care but become tired.
 
FarAcrossTheWater

FarAcrossTheWater

Experienced
Sep 4, 2020
205
My point here isn't the people abandoning us are to be condemned. No one actually cares in the sense that they're willing to accept people who won't add to their life because they're suffering from something outside their control and isn't their fault. It is not because they have awful personalities. People expect you to add something to their lives. There's simply no one who will be willing to help out unless there's something it for them despite propaganda that we are constantly fed. The tragedy is that we act as if selflessness is commonplace but the understandable reality is that no one is obligated to anyone. It's human nature. It's the tragedy of human nature. No one actually cares.
 
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Tkmiz_Tsukumizu

Tkmiz_Tsukumizu

Specialist
Feb 3, 2021
326
My point here isn't the people abandoning us are to be condemned. No one actually cares in the sense that they're willing to accept people who won't add to their life because they're suffering from something outside their control and isn't their fault. It is not because they have awful personalities. People expect you to add something to their lives. There's simply no one who will be willing to help out unless there's something it for them despite propaganda that we are constantly fed. The tragedy is that we act as if selflessness is commonplace but the understandable reality is that no one is obligated to anyone. It's human nature. It's the tragedy of human nature. No one actually cares.
That’s just life sadly
 
T

ts0hill

Member
Oct 17, 2020
60
No one wants to be around depressed suicidal people. Tell people about how bad it is? They will drop you. They will claim you are seeking attention. The only people that care in my life are people I pay. There is only one answer.
this happened to me... especially with people who have never gone through trauma and have perfect lives they are oblivious and think you are just wound up and need to chill. It hurts..and i think it partly is them being narcissistic and partly ignorance. Maybe both or one more than the other depending on how they respond. That may sound harsh but its just the way i see it.
This is why i hardly ever open up anymore unless to a therapist or someone who can relate
edit: and if you do cbt these dimwits will claim “why didn't they talk to me!?” -_-:meh: umm I tired but you completely dismissed me..
 
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Hirokami

Hirokami

What if it were all just a dream?
Feb 21, 2021
143
I'm honestly scared to tell most people how I feel because of that very reason. Some of the few people I did trust ended up getting angry at me because I talked about my thoughts. Not that I don't understand why that is but it's the main reason why I don't open up very often irl. I also don't want to bring others down with me.
 
Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,061
I'm honestly scared to tell most people how I feel because of that very reason. Some of the few people I did trust ended up getting angry at me because I talked about my thoughts. Not that I don't understand why that is but it's the main reason why I don't open up very often irl. I also don't want to bring others down with me.
I think all that's pretty common with us less than stable people. Unfortunately.
 
Ihavenofriends

Ihavenofriends

Member
Feb 26, 2021
31
I told someone once and she just accused me of lying for attention... Yeah, most people don't really care. I think a lot of these myths about suicidal people doing it for attention come from people being scared that we're telling the truth, because if we are telling the truth, then they'll feel guilty for ignoring us. Like a lot of people gave said above, it's not their fault. I can't really blame her either. I was a shitty friend.
 
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Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Nov 30, 2020
2,061
I told someone once and she just accused me of lying for attention... Yeah, most people don't really care. I think a lot of these myths about suicidal people doing it for attention come from people being scared that we're telling the truth, because if we are telling the truth, then they'll feel guilty for ignoring us. Like a lot of people gave said above, it's not their fault. I can't really blame her either. I was a shitty friend.
It's also a way of escaping liability. Or they just claim they would have done it anyway. Or it was their choice. The same old offensive claptrap. One of my twisted fantasies is doing it in front of a psychiatrist and saying "so much for your opinion dickhead, you will watch me die."
 
W

whywere

Enlightened
Jun 26, 2020
1,458
1st and foremost I CARE 100% about you. I truly know, I am 64 years young, what it is like, from 2 faced people, to people who are nice..ie trying to get money or something else from ones self, to the down right jerks who always could care less TILL it is fair play time then they are like, "hey isn't anyone going to fawn over me?" Yep. I have 64 years of life experience in this aspect and I can tell you that 1st) it is always easy to judge, hard to understand, and I always say this to people who judge me period 2) what goes around comes around, there in again I tell people who are judgemental and/or mean to me about my depression to take a step back and think into the future when the shoe is on the other foot. The way that you wrote your post shows how nice, caring and loving you are and you have a whole global family here that loves, cares and has lots of empathy, kindness and SUPPORT for/towards you. It has been hard for me but I have somewhat learned to not pay attention to judgemental jerks and I know my loving family here is always ready with a hug and a smile. Walter :heart::hug::happy: