Lastdays

Lastdays

Not so clever girl
Jun 8, 2018
24
Today pick up month's worth of klonopin. Tonight I'm going to see a friend's band, near a bridge notorious for jumpers (but unprotected). If I can't go through with that (hoping some pills will make me loose), then Monday morning I can go buy nitrogen and necessary bits (gas stores closed on weekends). Absolute worst case, sodium nitrite arriving Thursday.

I just have to be strong and keep myself numb until it's done. I can't take it any more. And I can't be stupid and lazy again. I still feel logy from all those pills Wednesday night. This is like any other project. Plan for success.
 
Sonnenblume

Sonnenblume

Sunflower Panda
Apr 6, 2018
588
If you dont mind me asking why is jumping your first choice? Personally, I'd wait and do nitrogen or sodium nitrite.
 
Lastdays

Lastdays

Not so clever girl
Jun 8, 2018
24
If you dont mind me asking why is jumping your first choice? Personally, I'd wait and do nitrogen or sodium nitrite.

Urgency, really. I fucked up my life, again, (nothing illegal, just massive personal failure) and living with it is unbearable.
 
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Lastdays

Lastdays

Not so clever girl
Jun 8, 2018
24
Ok. I got a cheap hotel room near the bridge for tomorrow night. I'll have one last easy night, eat ice cream, watch cable TV (I don't have a TV), use the WiFi to write all my notes and boomerang them, then leave in the wee hours and hopefully fall to my death. I can't fail again. It just confirms how stupid and useless I am. Gravity should work in my favor this time. Just fly.
 
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anna

anna

downfall
Mar 18, 2018
441
Ok. I got a cheap hotel room near the bridge for tomorrow night. I'll have one last easy night, eat ice cream, watch cable TV (I don't have a TV), use the WiFi to write all my notes and boomerang them, then leave in the wee hours and hopefully fall to my death. I can't fail again. It just confirms how stupid and useless I am. Gravity should work in my favor this time. Just fly.


I do not think you're stupid or useless.
I wish you the best in what you decide
 
Lastdays

Lastdays

Not so clever girl
Jun 8, 2018
24
Ok, off to run some last minute errands and then to the hotel. Will do a day run by the bridge, take some scenic photos (last instagram lol) then plan to go back in late night/early am for deed. Several people have succeeded there. Taking some of my dad's ashes with me too - he was always up for an adventure. Left tons of food and water for the cats in case something goes wrong with boomerang. They'll find my car though, even so. I don't have to worry about them starving. I know my sister will take them. I feel the worst about abandoning them to a new confusing life.

If I chicken out, you'll see me back tomorrow with a gas tank working on my exit bag. But I'm hoping enough klonopin will make me calm and able to jump tonight. You've all been precious and helpful. Find peace.
 
chronicpainnomore

chronicpainnomore

Not Circling the Drain Anymore
May 31, 2018
310
Good luck. If you're still here and need advice for your exit bag plan, I have mine assembled and ready to go. Just ask.
 
Gumby

Gumby

Student
Jun 10, 2018
104
Ok, off to run some last minute errands and then to the hotel. Will do a day run by the bridge, take some scenic photos (last instagram lol) then plan to go back in late night/early am for deed. Several people have succeeded there. Taking some of my dad's ashes with me too - he was always up for an adventure. Left tons of food and water for the cats in case something goes wrong with boomerang. They'll find my car though, even so. I don't have to worry about them starving. I know my sister will take them. I feel the worst about abandoning them to a new confusing life.

If I chicken out, you'll see me back tomorrow with a gas tank working on my exit bag. But I'm hoping enough klonopin will make me calm and able to jump tonight. You've all been precious and helpful. Find peace.

Glad you've got the cats covered
 
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