• Welcome! SanctionedSuicide is a forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

Pointlessabyss

Pointlessabyss

Impulse will takeover one day...
Sep 17, 2018
294
I m fuming ATM had to remove myself from the house and go for a walk.

Me and my gf decided to go on a break 2 weeks ago as she’s suffered from depression since she was 14. Attempted suicide 3 times and tried to OD 4 weeks ago. We had been together for a year and she knew about some of my thoughts etc and I had been doing research for a few months to CTB but for some reason thought I’d stopped. Well since her OD she’s had a new outlook and thinks she needs to focus on herself and me likewise but I’m past that point.

Anyway to the story :

Picked my mum up from a night out and a few friends naturally they all ask how’s she’s doing etc and I explain were on a break her problems as above etc. Most of them are like she needs to snap out of it and focus on uni, is she going back? To which I reply no I don’t think so as she needs time to heal and can’t cope at the moment. There all like sometimes you need to get on with things and do things you don’t like... at which point I go silent as I’m seething inside and I’m gonna say something I regret.

Fast forward: Get home and my mum starts probing why do I like her etc. Naturally she is drunk ( she doesn’t know half of it, keep my parents on a need to know) Mums like but you could do better, you just need to let her go she’s damaged etc. At which point I flip a little call her small minded, Just cause everything’s brilliant in her bubble not everyone’s bubble is so pretty. My mum use to love this girl until she attempted an OD a few weeks ago where her mindset has now flipped.

Had to walk out before it turned nasty... so getting some fresh air down by the canal and venting on here to help get off my chest!

Naturally she doesn’t know my situation! In a way I wish I could see the reaction on her face when my time comes. ( which may sound sadistic but just pissed atm)

Thanks for reading if you got this far without me boring you :)