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Makhlebite

Member
Apr 8, 2018
32
How has the imminent approach of your deadline changed how you feel over time? More anxiety? More anticipation? Excitement, perhaps? Mounting fear? Or just a feeling of emptiness? In general, would you say you feel better or worse than general than you used to, compared to when you were farther away from your deadline, or had no deadline at all?
 
Smilla

Smilla

-
Apr 30, 2018
2,549
My deadline keeps getting pushed back because of depression and inertia, and I refuse to exit until I have certain things in order (taxes, condo cleaned out). I’m delaying the inevitable and feel awful about it.

I think I will feel much better once I get my affairs in order. At least my will is done.
 
borntooslow

borntooslow

Member
Jun 29, 2018
43
I'm in couple of months from deadline, wouldn't say it's close, but I'm feeling quietly when I think that there's not too much time left. On the other hand - sometimes I just don't know how to bear this time and wanna do it ASAP.
 
NoLifeNoPain

NoLifeNoPain

-
Jun 17, 2018
1,364
I will try another attempt today. I feel anxious but it's not a big deal to me. After a certain period of time you learn that shit can't be done if you listen to your lizard brain feelings, and you learn to dissociate from them and your ego.
 
Gray Wounds

Gray Wounds

A Phantasmagoria
Jun 27, 2018
513
Mine will be this August. And everyday that elapses before me, I can only feel more and more coveting to just CTB. I'm keeping it all, the emotions, I write them no more, the will, the endless voices and their horrible descants in my head, the images. Anger, perhaps, if I am correct, is the only one that stays eminent in me.
 
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Battered_Seoul

Student
Jun 13, 2018
172
Was planning this week, but felt rushed. I don't want to capitulate and am aiming for something as natural and composed as possible.

Was intrigued by another post referring to suicide as an escape from time, so I suppose any sensation of urgency could disturb that process.

Anyway, I'll give it a few more months. Assemble some medicine and evaluate. What terrifies me is delaying too long and being rendered incapable of acting.
 
Ice Poseidon

Ice Poseidon

Member
Jul 3, 2018
25
Can't believe I've lasted this long. My deadline is coming up soon. I go through cycles of excitement, doubts, anxiety, and anger. The thought of suicide is on my mind daily. I feel appreciative to know I'm not alone with these thoughts.
 
LittleDuckling

LittleDuckling

Member
Jun 27, 2018
18
The second time I attempted it was planned beforehand, when it was getting close I remember feeling a lot of relief and peace. Knowing that the my pain, failures and insecurities will all be gone soon helped put my mind at peace. On the day I did feel somewhat scared and sad but I knew my time was up, having a deadline made it easier for me than when I attempted out of impulse, having those days to reflect made me more calm and ready. When I attempt again Ill definitely go down the 'deadline route', it was much less painful and scary for me.
 
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shinitai

shinitai

Member
Jun 28, 2018
25
How has the imminent approach of your deadline changed how you feel over time? More anxiety? More anticipation? Excitement, perhaps? Mounting fear? Or just a feeling of emptiness? In general, would you say you feel better or worse than general than you used to, compared to when you were farther away from your deadline, or had no deadline at all?
I'm obsessed with planning everything down to the last detail, so giving myself a couple of months beforehand somehow eases the anxiety that I will fail. Planning my way out is the first thing in a long time I've been able to successfully keep at for more than a day, and it does give me a sense of peace. I can't wait.
 
Tazmaniac

Tazmaniac

Member
Aug 6, 2019
53
How has the imminent approach of your deadline changed how you feel over time? More anxiety? More anticipation? Excitement, perhaps? Mounting fear? Or just a feeling of emptiness? In general, would you say you feel better or worse than general than you used to, compared to when you were farther away from your deadline, or had no deadline at all?
All of those feelings
 
Sanguinius

Sanguinius

Chicken of ss
Aug 9, 2018
292
everytime when I got close to my deadline, i realised that i'm not ready yet and decided to make a new one
somewhen i realised that i don't need these deadlines. all they did was stressing me. now, i just let it flow, and sometimes, i wake and my first thought is: "what a fine day to die!"
then i make everything ready and go to cach the bus.
(the last two attempts failed because of unluckily accidents).
 
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dreamsofdestruction

dreamsofdestruction

Everywhere I look is chaos
May 9, 2019
341
I'm closer now and I'm panicking. Bad stuff keeps happening in life too and I feel like all this stupid planning might have been for nothing and in the end I'm just going to die doing something on an impulse and not on my own terms at all.
 
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C

calendulo

Enlightened
Jun 13, 2019
1,016
Great question.
Someone said that when you have the method usually you have the control, I did read it in a post. I am enough agree about.
I feel weird, like fears and doubts dissapear so does not really matter to me.

I am trying planning the details, but I can get it, ultimately it is so simple, just drinking it.

Good subject.
 
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Saga

Saga

In my memories a smiling me doesn't exist
Jul 20, 2019
175
How has the imminent approach of your deadline changed how you feel over time? More anxiety? More anticipation? Excitement, perhaps? Mounting fear? Or just a feeling of emptiness? In general, would you say you feel better or worse than general than you used to, compared to when you were farther away from your deadline, or had no deadline at all?
for me....i guess just a feeling of emptiness...
 
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Lookingforabus

Lookingforabus

Arcanist
Aug 6, 2019
421
Better. I still have a bunch of work to do (packing, cleaning) and I'm not really satisfied with my notes, but since getting everything I absolutely need to do done, I'm just more relieved than anything. (Also very depressed, but that's not because of the deadline... I've been seriously depressed for decades.)

I did get a bit of anxiety and regret/sadness after hitting certain milestones (getting my estate planning papers done, completing my exit bag, etc.), but that passes pretty quickly. Now, I only get a bit anxious over concerns about missing the bus (again), but I'm coping with that by practicing, making backup plans and kits and reminding myself that this time, it's not impulsive, but well planned, and a great deal more peaceful than my previous attempts, which bodes well for my chances.

Guess I've hit the "acceptance" stage. After another decade of severe, treatment resitent depression, there's just absolutely zero chance it's going to "get better" for me, so I'm very determined. Over 30 years of this **** now, so knowing that the pain's almost over is comforting.
 
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TowerUpright

TowerUpright

Disillusioned
May 26, 2019
602
I'm looking forward to the day. It's still a few months away, though. Not planning on leaving a message, though. I have a feeling that if I was truthful, people would be far more hurt than if I let them fill in the blanks.i mean, how to you tell someone they are not the same person they were when you got married, and if you knew that then, you'd never have married them to begin with??

I'm such a cowardly asshole.

For me, Best to leave no note. And do it right.
 
A

algaebloom

New Member
Apr 3, 2019
2
My deadline was my birthday, July 20.
I thought I was past the feeling of suicide and so I never ordered N. Now I wish I did so I could go at the end of the month, but I'm so strapped on money now that I can't order it.

My house always has someone here so I can't just do other methods without risking getting caught. I feel like I'm making excuses every time I think about it though.
 
Rocksandsand

Rocksandsand

-
May 26, 2019
396
My deadline is a Victims of Crime compensation court case. There isn’t even a date set for court. I’m getting so frustrated waiting. I just want to know the date so I can plan more concretely. The only reason I am waiting for the compensation is so I have something for my family to cover funeral costs and have some for them left over. I am otherwise completely financially destitute, so I’d like to cover this for them.