MorsVoluntaria

MorsVoluntaria

Member
Dec 27, 2018
6
I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for over 5 years. I’ve never sought out any treatment because I don’t want to be involuntarily hospitalized & have it on my record. I’ve also never admitted these thoughts to anyone, not even to my doctor or family.

I’m considering seeking help, taking medications, & possibly going to therapy before I make the decision to CTB.

In the past I experimented with psychedelics in an attempt to get better. LSD only temporarily took away my suicidal thoughts for a few months.

Everything in my life is going relatively well. I have nearly everything I want & to others my ‘future seems great.’ I have no reasons to be depressed or suicidal. But I can’t seem to find a purpose in life. I also don’t want to work for 40+ more years in this Rat-Race life.

Perhaps I have a chemical imbalance that is causing all these thoughts? I want to try SSRIs but I am afraid of the weight-gain that comes with it & possibly getting sectioned if I seek help.

Has taking antidepressants helped anyone feel better? Is it worth it to seek professional help?
 
C

clown_17

Recovery is a myth for me, time is of the essence
Oct 24, 2020
128
It’s definitely worth seeking help. Unless you have a plan to ctb they won’t hospitalize you, so you can admit you have suicidal thoughts as long as you don’t disclose a plan if you have one. For 4/5 people antidepressants can make things a little easier, but not a lot. For 1/5 they can make things worse. You’ll have to try multiple to see if there’s one that’s right for you. Meds have definitely allowed me to live a life that isn’t in constant hospitals so I’d say they’re worth trying. And if you feel worse on one you can always just stop taking it.
 
T

TheUnkn0wn

Member
Jul 2, 2021
35
I’m on my 8th different anti depressant at this point and it’s helping to an extent with my ideations. Cons though is I’m not able to sleep at night and I don’t feel many emotions.

id definitely recommend seeking some form of help. If not, your mental health will just consume you to point where everything just burns to hell and crashes down worse then it already may has
 
littlelungs

littlelungs

Arcanist
Oct 21, 2018
460
First of all, I think it's great that you are able to recognize the thoughts that you're having for what they are, and that you are open and willing to seek help. That's not an easy thing to do, so kudos.

I've tried my fair share of antidepressants, and in my experience there are both pros and cons to taking them, but ultimately it really just depends on the individual, as cliche as that sounds. Some people respond well to Prozac (fluoxetine), for example, but it made me even more suicidal than I already was to begin with. As another example, Zoloft (sertraline) can lower a person's libido, but I've noticed no significant change in that department. I've been taking Zoloft since I was about 14, and for quite a while it made life a little more bearable, which was nice, but now I just take it mainly so that I don't get brain zaps (which can happen after reducing/increasing the dose too quickly or coming off SSRIs entirely, and are highly unpleasant). It's definitely important for me to note, though, that I have a grocery list of issues, so the Zoloft (and antidepressants in general, it seems) can only do so much for me, as time and experience have unfortunately shown. This is by no means the case for everyone – lots of people find medications that work for them, and they can be an absolute life-changer in that regard.

A couple of other antidepressants I've tried that aren't SSRIs/SNRIs, for example: I tried mirtazapine for a while and it did absolutely nothing for me. I gained a little bit of weight when I took it, but nothing too bad. I've also been taking Trazodone for about 6 months now, but it was prescribed for me to help me sleep, and not primarily as an antidepressant, but for a brief amount of time, life was a little more bearable. That might have something to do with the fact that I was simply sleeping a lot better than before, but I also don't want to discount what might have been the antidepressant component of the drug in action. Unfortunately it didn't last very long (which seems to be the pattern with me... sob), but so far I've had a pretty good experience with it overall, especially considering the fact that my body/brain have repeatedly shown to be generally unresponsive to treatment in the long run.

Of course, these are just a few of my own experiences and I'm in no way implying that this is how it's been for other people, or how it would be for you. It's just my two cents. :)

As for therapy, that can also work wonders for a person, especially in combination with medication, if that's necessary, and obviously if the medication is effective. And, like it was mentioned above, you can talk about being suicidal with a health professional without having to worry too much about being involuntarily hospitalized. Unless you tell them that you're actively planning to take your life or intend to do so in the near future, I highly doubt that they will section you. I've even told a few therapists in the past that I have the feeling that I'll end up killing myself at some point in life, but because I wasn't actively planning it, they didn't put me in the psych ward. The main thing that they're worried about is whether or not you are at immediate risk to being "a danger to yourself or others".

Again, I can't stress enough that personal circumstances are extremely important to take into account when reading about other people's experiences, and I would encourage anyone to give recovery a try, if they haven't already, and are in the position to do so (as I understand very well that there can be quite a few barriers as far as accessibility is concerned, whether they're personal, financial, or systematic in nature).

Definitely educate yourself, listen to your doctor and most importantly, take however you're feeling seriously, and try to give yourself credit where it's due (which I know is a lot easier said than done). And if something doesn't work for you, then there's absolutely no shame in trying something else if that's what you wish to do and are able to do so. If for whatever reason it doesn't work out for you, at least you can say you gave it your best. Regardless of what happens, you have a community on SS who is here and willing to support you, if that's something you want or need, and my inbox is open.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best of luck, my friend. :)
 
Last edited:
stalewater

stalewater

Experienced
Jul 11, 2021
293
I've been on many antidepressants, including SSRIs, tricyclics, atypical, but none of them seemed to do anything for me. However, I know some people who say that the antidepressants did wonders and live a good life now, so, I think it's always worth trying.
 
MorsVoluntaria

MorsVoluntaria

Member
Dec 27, 2018
6
It’s definitely worth seeking help. Unless you have a plan to ctb they won’t hospitalize you, so you can admit you have suicidal thoughts as long as you don’t disclose a plan if you have one. For 4/5 people antidepressants can make things a little easier, but not a lot. For 1/5 they can make things worse. You’ll have to try multiple to see if there’s one that’s right for you. Meds have definitely allowed me to live a life that isn’t in constant hospitals so I’d say they’re worth trying. And if you feel worse on one you can always just stop taking it.
Thanks for the info! I’ll be sure to make it clear that I do not have a specific plan.

First of all, I think it's great that you are able to recognize the thoughts that you're having for what they are, and that you are open and willing to seek help. That's not an easy thing to do, so kudos.

I've tried my fair share of antidepressants, and in my experience there are both pros and cons to taking them, but ultimately it really just depends on the individual, as cliche as that sounds. Some people respond well to Prozac (fluoxetine), for example, but it made me even more suicidal than I already was to begin with. As another example, Zoloft (sertraline) can lower a person's libido, but I've noticed no significant change in that department. I've been taking Zoloft since I was about 14, and for quite a while it made life a little more bearable, which was nice, but now I just take it mainly so that I don't get brain zaps (which can happen after reducing/increasing the dose too quickly or coming off SSRIs entirely, and are highly unpleasant). It's definitely important for me to note, though, that I have a grocery list of issues, so the Zoloft (and antidepressants in general, it seems) can only do so much for me, as time and experience have unfortunately shown. This is by no means the case for everyone – lots of people find medications that work for them, and they can be an absolute life-changer in that regard.

A couple of other antidepressants I've tried that aren't SSRIs/SNRIs, for example: I tried mirtazapine for a while and it did absolutely nothing for me. I gained a little bit of weight when I took it, but nothing too bad. I've also been taking Trazodone for about 6 months now, but it was prescribed for me to help me sleep, and not primarily as an antidepressant, but for a brief amount of time, life was a little more bearable. That might have something to do with the fact that I was simply sleeping a lot better than before, but I also don't want to discount what might have been the antidepressant component of the drug in action. Unfortunately it didn't last very long (which seems to be the pattern with me... sob), but so far I've had a pretty good experience with it overall, especially considering the fact that my body/brain have repeatedly shown to be generally unresponsive to treatment in the long run.

Of course, these are just a few of my own experiences and I'm in no way implying that this is how it's been for other people, or how it would be for you. It's just my two cents. :)

As for therapy, that can also work wonders for a person, especially in combination with medication, if that's necessary, and obviously if the medication is effective. And, like it was mentioned above, you can talk about being suicidal with a health professional without having to worry too much about being involuntarily hospitalized. Unless you tell them that you're actively planning to take your life or intend to do so in the near future, I highly doubt that they will section you. I've even told a few therapists in the past that I have the feeling that I'll end up killing myself at some point in life, but because I wasn't actively planning it, they didn't put me in the psych ward. The main thing that they're worried about is whether or not you are at immediate risk to being "a danger to yourself or others".

Again, I can't stress enough that personal circumstances are extremely important to take into account when reading about other people's experiences, and I would encourage anyone to give recovery a try, if they haven't already, and are in the position to do so (as I understand very well that there can be quite a few barriers as far as accessibility is concerned, whether they're personal, financial, or systematic in nature).

Definitely educate yourself, listen to your doctor and most importantly, take however you're feeling seriously, and try to give yourself credit where it's due (which I know is a lot easier said than done). And if something doesn't work for you, then there's absolutely no shame in trying something else if that's what you wish to do and are able to do so. If for whatever reason it doesn't work out for you, at least you can say you gave it your best. Regardless of what happens, you have a community on SS who is here and willing to support you, if that's something you want or need, and my inbox is open.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best of luck, my friend. :)
Thanks for the super detailed reply & sharing information about your experience with different medications! I think I will actually seek out professional help to see if it may help me or not. I’m glad to have this website because it is so much more understanding than other sites with a lot more censorship.
 
R

reasonablylost

Member
Jul 18, 2021
34
I second everyone here, seeing a therapist can help, if not for any other reason than to have a person we can open up that will listen.

On the topic of SSRI and other antidepressants, there is simply no scientifical evidence for the chemical imbalance theory.
See https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16268734/

Now, do antidepressants work? Research shows they have a slight positive effect compared to placebos and they may be effective tool for people high moderate to high intensity depression (high scores in depression test like Beck's Depression Inventory and others) with no effect on people with low intensity depression scores. But has you already seem to understand they also have a multitude of effects.

While most antidepressants may cause gain weight, there are some that may even help lose weight or be neutral (such as Bupropion). Unfortunately one of the annoying things about AD are that the effects are quite diverse, so one person may experience a side effect and the other may not.

I would also like to point out that there are other treatments for depression that may be useful such as high intensity exercise (same efficiency rates as antidepressants for moderate intensity depressions and higher efficiency for lower intensity depression) and therapy in particular some type of structured formal therapy such as cognitive behaviour therapy.

It's also important that these tools won't give meaning to your life, that's something we all have to find on our own.
 
Last edited:
LostSoul1609

LostSoul1609

Experienced
Mar 9, 2021
247
Yes they work, they made me more social, more brave and outgoing even tho they were a pain at first (you have to take them for a month before effects start), but they won't solve your actual problems. I'd say you try them, they aren't irreversible after all. Go for it.
Peace :happy:
 
W

whywere

Enlightened
Jun 26, 2020
1,461
I have been on Celexa for over 7 years and it helps me as far as I do not get as many depression attacks and I used to and I an tell when I forget to take it in the morning. Walter
 
brutalus

brutalus

Student
Jun 14, 2021
154
about therapy there are two types that really helped me. one was called cbt and we tried to fix my life with out judgment, not digging in to the past, jost organizing and taking it step by step. the other type i think it was gestalt. it was about understanding that all the shit in my life is my parents fault. and all the shit in their life is ther parents fault and so on. its a chain of destruction.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MorsVoluntaria
DaughterOfAthena

DaughterOfAthena

Member
May 30, 2021
22
I can only speak for myself. I have tried several throughout my life and none have worked. I gave each of them a few chance. I will say though anxiety meds have worked for me which makes situations that typically make me anxious easier. I would say go ahead and try the meds you really have nothing to lose by trying.
 
Alwaysbadtime

Alwaysbadtime

Enlightened
Jun 28, 2021
1,178
Don't ever take Effexor...coming off it will cause severe brain zaps...info on the Internet as well.

I've been on a lot over the years. It sounds like since things are going well (you're able to meet basic needs etc etc) that it could help. I believe my shit is more situational; i don't buy into any diagnosis I have ever gotten except for anxiety.

Personally I didn't like therapy...but some people like it...especially people not completely fucked.

I'm surprised you've not told anyone in 5 years. That's a long time to keep quiet. Good luck and I am super jealous you're doing decently other than the suicidal thoughts. I'd give fucking anything to feel safe overall instead of having a million reasons to do it.

Just don't tell them you have a plan to off yourself. Try and explain what things you worry about...Good luck.
 
killedbypsychiatry

killedbypsychiatry

drugging kids is abuse
Jan 27, 2021
788
I am on this site because SSRI damage, they never helped me only damaged me but I wasn't depressed, I didn't needed them to begin with... however the reaction I have is pretty rare and I believe other ADs like agomelatine or MAOIs don't cause the problem I developed
maybe going with a functional doctor would help as well cause maybe you could have underlying issues (thyroid issues, deficiencies, hormonal issues etc ) that could be causing your low mood. Pyschotherapy can also help.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: MorsVoluntaria
G

GenTra

Member
Jul 14, 2021
13
Took Mirtazapine/Remeron for about 10 months. Helped at the beginning, then the effect started to wear off. After that my doc double the dose and again, it helped at the beginning and the effect started to wear off again. After that I got off my meds, which was way harder than initially thought, since you can't just stop taking them if you don't want to suffer severe side effects. Of course nobody tells you that shit beforehand.
 
R

reasonablylost

Member
Jul 18, 2021
34
I hope someday psychiatrists will be legally accountable for not explaining side effects or talking about how and when to come off.
 
  • Like
Reactions: killedbypsychiatry
Midgardsorm

Midgardsorm

Bearer of the Curse
Apr 28, 2020
694
They never had any effect on me. I was on 100mg Prozac, the doctor said it was a high dosage, however, nothing has changed. Then I stopped taking abruptly and yet, had no withdrawal symptom which for me it was a clear evidence that wasn't doing nothing.
I'm using fluvoxamine now, 150mg. A little scared of the side-effects, but I don't have much of a choice.

@killedbypsychiatry
I'm so sorry for what you have been through.
 
L

LittleJem

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2019
1,425
Hi, first of all I want to say that suicidal thoughts are common and even normal. It sounds like you are in a country (USA?) where they can commit you for them, but you are not alone and they are quite common for so many people.

I have been self-medicating for years - with weed, Tramadol, Modafinil, LSD, shrooms. I tried one SSRI so far and it didn't help, but I have decided to try another - which is Prozac, and I am starting tonight. I was about to end my life very seriously, and I thought I owe it to my family to try a medication. I am scared out my wits of its increasing agitation. That is my worst fear.

I have been bedridden for days, and really unwell. My usual drugs are not helping, so I have realised I must try medication.

From looking at the reviews online (on Drugs.com) some people score Prozac so highly and say it has saved their life. The positive stories I personally know from medication are:

- one friend of mine was hospitalized with very serious depression, and is now happy on medication and having a baby (I kind of think she is crazy, but I am happy for her - when I say crazy, I mean that she and her husband have mental health issues, but I hope their baby will be okay!!!). She spent all her savings on going to a psychiatric hospital as she was so unwell, and medication has changed her life. She was on one medication that stopped working, and now she is on a different one that is helping her.

What I would say is, it is scary to go on medication but you could be one of the lucky ones and feel so much better. And that has to be worth everything.

If you are worried about being committed, then maybe don't tell them about the suicidal thoughts. Just give them more gentle symptoms so they can prescribe you something, but you can keep your freedom!

Weed did help me for many years, but it has stopped working for me -so that is worth a try, but you have probably tried that already.

Re weight gain, while that can be an issue, for example, Prozac is one of the better ones for that. There are medications that make you put on a few stone, but I think with SSRIs you are looking at lesser weight gain.

I would personally rather be slightly fatter and happier than dead. Though if you look at my number of posts, you will see how much I have wanted to be dead and for how long - so just how stupid I have been to be so frightened of medication that might change my life.

Please at least try medication. There are a million Facebook groups to support people on medication, there are so many people who medication helps - and you could be lucky.

the other thing you could try is microdose Ketamine every other day - 30 mg. That has taken away my suicial thoughts - though I am still pretty ill with depression and fatigued, but it is worth trying that too. You can get it black market. You need to snort it.

I am begging you to try meds, as I am shit scared but I am starting them myself. I know they don't work for everyone, but they do work for 70% of people. So please try them! It sounds like you have a great life, you just need some help for your chemical imbalance.

xx



-
 
P

Puff

New Member
Feb 10, 2020
3
I’ve tried a fair few different anti-depressants (10+ including most of the common ones - fluoxetine, paroxetine, citalopram, escitalopram, duloxetine, venlafaxine, lithium, mirtazapine) over the last 15 years - some worked for a short time, some for a long time and some not at all. Most have had some side effects (nausea, night sweats, weight gain, lethargy) but they tend to disappear after a while and some have actually been useful - I’m currently on sertraline which makes me wake up early which I enjoy.
I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor (as truthfully and openly as you feel you can) as they’ll be able to explain your options - hopefully a combo of therapy and medication if you’re open to both. I would just give you a little warning that it can take a while (up to 2 months) before antidepressants take affect so you need to persevere if possible. Having said that, if you’re having a really tough time then speak to you doctor and they may just change you onto something else. And you’ll need to come off them gradually so you don’t get withdrawal. Also please don’t worry about being hospitalised - that is the last thing they want to do (most people find it quite traumatic which impacts recovery and it also costs them a lot of money!!) so highly unlikely they would try to admit you. I am very explicit about my suicidal thoughts and plans with my doctor/mental health team but they know that the fact I’m seeking help means I’m planning on sticking around for a while longer…
Wishing you the best, keep us updated (if you want) and just shout if you have any questions!! Xxx
 
Flare

Flare

Stormbound
Jul 18, 2021
28
I've been taking escitalopram for a year and a half, as well as Alprazolam for a few months. It did little to nothing.
Then again, as it's been mentioned before countless times (and for good reasons), things might be different for you. After all, I'm the kind of person who can drink an unholy amount of alcohol and only end up with the physical symptoms of being drunk, while remaining 100% lucid mentally. So there's that.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MorsVoluntaria
L

LittleJem

Enlightened
Jul 3, 2019
1,425
I’ve tried a fair few different anti-depressants (10+ including most of the common ones - fluoxetine, paroxetine, citalopram, escitalopram, duloxetine, venlafaxine, lithium, mirtazapine) over the last 15 years - some worked for a short time, some for a long time and some not at all. Most have had some side effects (nausea, night sweats, weight gain, lethargy) but they tend to disappear after a while and some have actually been useful - I’m currently on sertraline which makes me wake up early which I enjoy.
I would definitely recommend talking to your doctor (as truthfully and openly as you feel you can) as they’ll be able to explain your options - hopefully a combo of therapy and medication if you’re open to both. I would just give you a little warning that it can take a while (up to 2 months) before antidepressants take affect so you need to persevere if possible. Having said that, if you’re having a really tough time then speak to you doctor and they may just change you onto something else. And you’ll need to come off them gradually so you don’t get withdrawal. Also please don’t worry about being hospitalised - that is the last thing they want to do (most people find it quite traumatic which impacts recovery and it also costs them a lot of money!!) so highly unlikely they would try to admit you. I am very explicit about my suicidal thoughts and plans with my doctor/mental health team but they know that the fact I’m seeking help means I’m planning on sticking around for a while longer…
Wishing you the best, keep us updated (if you want) and just shout if you have any questions!! Xxx
I've read that in the USA they can hospitalise you if you mention suicidal thoughts, even if you don't want to be hospitalised - as that means they can then claim off your medical insurance. So that is how they get more money. Sinister, but I read about it.
Day 3 of Prozac here. I have a lot more energy. I was in bed for days and couldn't get out of bed or walk down the street. I am still scared and not sure if the side effects will kick in - the ones that scare me! But so far, it is okay. It is giving me insomnia, but last night I used a little valium. OP, it's worth trying. I have been putting it off for years, despite being horribly ill. I wish someone had forced me.
 
CFLoser

CFLoser

whatever doesn't kill you makes you weaker
Dec 5, 2018
526
Yes, I have used Prozac 20mg and it worked. I am still on it and it's been generally better overall.

In my specific case it worked right away as the increased chemicals or whatever get upregulated and you just feel more energized and stuff.

My sister is also on it, and it works well for her too, but it took a little longer to start working.
 
AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
710
I've been on many over the years, switching it up when things got rough. Currently on 150 mg Venlafaxine daily (5+) years. It seems to keep me at a more even keel for longer periods. There is, unfortunately, no magic pill and I also continue to self-medicate. Life is, after all, relentless.
 
  • Like
Reactions: MorsVoluntaria
Promortalist_

Promortalist_

Celebrate Death Mourn Life
Jul 5, 2021
74
Unfortunately they didn't work for me. My last anti-depressant prozac made me even more depressed than I already was. :(
 
  • Like
Reactions: MorsVoluntaria
W

whywere

Enlightened
Jun 26, 2020
1,461
I've read that in the USA they can hospitalise you if you mention suicidal thoughts, even if you don't want to be hospitalised - as that means they can then claim off your medical insurance. So that is how they get more money. Sinister, but I read about it.
Day 3 of Prozac here. I have a lot more energy. I was in bed for days and couldn't get out of bed or walk down the street. I am still scared and not sure if the side effects will kick in - the ones that scare me! But so far, it is okay. It is giving me insomnia, but last night I used a little valium. OP, it's worth trying. I have been putting it off for years, despite being horribly ill. I wish someone had forced me.
At least in my case, you are correct about in the USA just mentioning suicidal thoughts gets you locked up. I went to a doctor about body pain and could not figure it out on my own. when she asked about suicidal ideation, I said yes once in a while and BOOM! away I went to a psychic ward on the spot and I did not want to go. Now whether it is for insurance reasons, I do not know, BUT at least on the mention ANYTHING part, YES. Walter