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WatermelonMel

WatermelonMel

Melon Master
Joined
Aug 19, 2019
Messages
272
How can you continue when you believe everything is more negative than it actually is? Like everyone and everything is out to get you?
 
BeyondGoodNEvil

BeyondGoodNEvil

Member
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
81
nah i just think your developing schizophrenia
yeah pessimism is useless outlook on life then again its hard to be disappointed when you always dont expect much out of something

 
T

timf

Arcanist
Joined
Mar 26, 2020
Messages
426
If you know that you accentuate the negative, you might be able to apply some correction when you notice it getting out of hand. One corrective technique is to ask yourself what your motive would be if you were out to get you. It can be humbling if I consider that most people do not know that I exist much less would be inclined to "get me". With no money, fame, power, or influence, I am not much of a target. However, even if we can control how large things loom in our mind, there can still be reall negatives with which we have to deal.

Those on the Titanic that were singing "Nearer My God To Thee" as the ship sank recognized a negative situation that was not exaggerated, but they had hope in their faith. Sometimes having a foundation of something upon which you can built faith allows a transcendence of the negative.

Sometimes a person can compartmentalize the negative so that one sees oneself as disassociated from it. For example if your town has an occasional riot, there is probably nothing you can do to stop it, but you can avoid those places where it is more likely.

We can use truth like a flashlight. When we shine it on our thoughts, it can cause inflated demons to shrink. However, it can also expose real negatives so that we can minimize potential problems.
 
meetapple

meetapple

Member
Joined
Jun 3, 2021
Messages
78
WatermelonMel said:
How can you continue when you believe everything is more negative than it actually is? Like everyone and everything is out to get you?
I think I am similar. I continually go over and over events in my head and tend to interpret them as negatively as possible. My therapist told me to at least allow for the possibility that there are other reasons for others’ behavior even if not outright believing it is so. For example, if someone has a frown while talking to me, instead of assuming it has to do with me I can tell myself that the person was having a bad day. She said even allowing for the different possibilities has an effect on the brain. Also, in my case, self esteem has something to do with it.
 
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GenesAndEnvironment

GenesAndEnvironment

Average ctb enjoyer
Joined
Jan 26, 2021
Messages
3,793
It "actually is" nothing tho. For me I don't get any emotional satisfaction (or any other form of satusfaction) from "good" things happening.

Bench press PR? No reaction. Got a job? No reaction.

Only thing I can get emotionally worked up over are "negative" things with the one exeption of when I delude myself into thinking a woman is interested in me (lmao).
 
Schöngeist

Schöngeist

Incompetent
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
534
GenesAndEnvironment said:
It "actually is" nothing tho. For me I don't get any emotional satisfaction (or any other form of satusfaction) from "good" things happening.

Bench press PR? No reaction. Got a job? No reaction.

Only thing I can get emotionally worked up over are "negative" things with the one exeption of when I delude myself into thinking a woman is interested in me (lmao).
[I will probably regret having posted this tomorrow, because it's fairly late and I don't even know if I'm making any sense.]

If it were possible to objectively rate positive experiences and negative experiences on a scale from 1 to 10, a negative experience of order 7 would have a much bigger impact than a positive experience of the same magnitude.

An example: A couple has a child which dies of an accident at the age of 5. They now might want to try to create a new child in order to compensate for the loss. For the sake of the argument, let us assume that the new child turns out very similar to the deceased child. From a logical point of view, these two events (birth of a child/ death of a child) have the same value, so we should achieve a net neutral, but we all know that the parents will forever mourn the loss of their first child, no matter how much happiness the second one brings them; they will never achieve a "neutral" existence.

There is a reason why negative experiences figure more prominently in our perception than positive experiences. In order to achieve a positive experience, most of the time one has to work/take action/exert effort to reach the goal. Once the positive experience is achieved, no further action, or at least less action, is necessary. It is the inverse problem with negative experiences: one does not have to exert any effort to achieve a negative experience, since negative experiences are not something one would want to achieve in the first place; they merely happen. Once the negative experience occurs, one has to work/take action/exert effort to overcome it/make it go away/resolve the issue. One could argue that these two are equivalent: The absence of a positive experience is a negative experience and the resolution of a negative experience is a positive experience.

Either way, the point is this: Negative experiences induce a need for taking action, whereas positive experiences are preceded by action. While there is usually some kind of intrinsic motivation to exert efforts in order to achieve a positive experience, the motivation to take action to overcome a negative experience are always forced upon one, i.e. extrinsic.

An example: Winning the lottery or receiving a promotion does not necessitate action on one’s own part; they might be preceded by efforts, but they do not induce the need for any. On the other hand, losing a lot of money or losing one’s job leaves one no choice but to act. Therefore, negative experiences are inherently perceived as more unpleasant and affect us greater than positive experiences.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

gay
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,991
Schöngeist said:
If it were possible to objectively rate positive experiences and negative experiences on a scale from 1 to 10, a negative experience of order 7 would have a much bigger impact than a positive experience of the same magnitude.

The negativity bias/effect. Things of a more negative nature have a greater effect on our psychological state than neutral or positive things. Those of our miserable ancestors who paid more attention to the bad/dangerous shit around them were more likely to survive. Thanks for surviving, assholes.

One more wonderful fact about our brains: they're wired to take the good things in our lives for granted.
 
Schöngeist

Schöngeist

Incompetent
Joined
Apr 28, 2021
Messages
534
hotelbeneathground said:
The negativity bias/effect. Things of a more negative nature have a greater effect on our psychological state than neutral or positive things. Those of our miserable ancestors who paid more attention to the bad/dangerous shit around them were more likely to survive. Thanks for surviving, assholes.

One more wonderful fact about our brains: they're wired to take the good things in our lives for granted.
Stupid biology.
 
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Cid9121

Cid9121

Til death..
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
8
Just try to do your best & little steps at a time
 
N

netrezven

Specialist
Joined
Dec 13, 2018
Messages
354
When it comes to depend on other people (well i'm not), but if i were to depend on someone - i would be very very pessimistic. It's not like i can't give tasks and stuff, but i aways keep the good results as unexpected surprise. Bad results are just education and some add up to my pessimistic algoritm in life.
 
Makko

Makko

Enlightened
Joined
Jan 17, 2021
Messages
1,609
timf said:
We can use truth like a flashlight. When we shine it on our thoughts, it can cause inflated demons to shrink. However, it can also expose real negatives so that we can minimize potential problems.
Truth is a pretty scarce resource. Most of the time you have to orient yourself purely by assumption. If you assume good things you are an optimist and if you assume bad things you are a pessimist ("realist" is a synonym for latter). Over the last 10 years I've shifted somewhat from pessmism to optimism, as strange as that sounds, but it's something that naturally happens when maximalism fades and your expectations are tempered. It's not so much that my assumptions changed but rather my perception of what is "bad" has narrowed. Most of the assumptions that struck terror in teenage me don't even register as something negative with adult me. Many of the things I was once brooding about didn't go away, but I became casually accepting of them.

So even as I became more "optimistic" I didn't notice much of a practical difference. They say that pessmism is bad because it makes you passive and mentally bars you from doing things. "When has anything of note ever been accomplished by a pessimist?" and all that. This has not been my experience. Assuming the worst of everything never stopped me from doing it, and now that I have more lenient expectations I haven't started doing more things. Rather than directly influencing your choices, being a pessimist just damages your mental well-being.

To decrease pessimism is just like making any other attitude change in your life: you have to experience things that reshape you.