wondering what will happen when I die, hoping that I can get to travel through space and see what the amazing planets are up to getting lost in the infinity of it all ::
as a kid i remembered reading calvin & hobbes comics not knowing if anything has meaning (& what having meaning actually means)
☆ i'm questioning the 'cause - ality' of it all.. the conesquence-ality of existence (&the being willing &/or able to carry it out.... why, even? )
☆ maybe this is me unconsciously procrastinating cos I'm a doubting idiot not comitting to a ctb date :: fearfully afraid of whatever "conciousness" awaits... (i don't dream, I nightmare... so I have concerns) even nothingness has its advantages.. though I believe we never escape some form of 'judgement day' - even if it us judg-ing our own doings & dealings (do we /& will we even care once these shackles of form are released?! -ask any spiritual being about their 'vantage point' they perceive from (fuck we are so limited, how can we be content or even successful?!) Will it evenmatter?!);
☆ desperately just wanting out of this life, this mindfuck of one heavy meaningless dark day after the next...*
I'd give anything to exchange this* for a meaningfull (understanding, in the conciousness sense!) moment in outer space
Apologise for the vent&rant /moan&groan session.. like an unhappy unfull moon orbiting round n round going nowhere again (yeah moons are paganly powerful & pretty but I'd rather be a comet burning out to nothing but (maybe pointlessly) going somewhere...
I'm going in circles...
</Ground Control to Major Tom... Ziggy Stardust 4 ever>