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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Joined
Feb 4, 2020
Messages
614
I can't believe its over. Do I fight? Do I give up? Do I just say fuck it and hurt everyone and destroy a few lives to alleviate my pain? Do I go on living a horrible soulless existence wanting desperately to die every single day just so I DON'T hurt and destroy lives? What the hell do I do....?
 
nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
214
I miss my ex and would love to see him but I can never have him back in my life. I feel so stupid for feeling sadness over this loss but even if he asked to come back I'd have to say no. I'm one of the most contradicting people I know):
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,529
I want to lighten up and think about my hair, my nails, my exercise routines, and anything fun or that makes me smile or laugh. And I reject anyone in my life who makes me feel less than good.
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
These neighbors and their noise are unbearable. It sounds like the noise is coming from everywhere. This is the second time I've pulled myself up to go outside to have some peace, it's still noisy and I'm exhausted.
 
http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
How can it be that some people suffer even though they did everything right and others have a comparatively peaceful exit? Will I be one of the former?
 
JustAMatterOfTime

JustAMatterOfTime

Fragile
Joined
Mar 21, 2021
Messages
685
Tv shows and films should have intelligence ratings not age ratings. I can’t understand half the stuff I watch.
 
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http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
It's silly. Even coming here is stupid. I know what I need to know, so what am I still doing here? It's almost laughable. I keep myself trapped in a vicious circle. No, not yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for. Maybe I need confirmation that I have failed, maybe it's something else.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
14,684
I’ve been having such great fun with New Pokémon Snap. I’ve had so many memories of watching a friend of mine playing the original that to finally play a new one for myself is unreal, it’s like nostalgia incarnate. I wonder if this is me going full boomer. I’d rather die than become that though even though I’m quite well on my way to having that mentality...

To be clear, I mean no disrespect towards actual baby boomers. Just the sort of elitism that comes with prioritizing older material over newer things. I’ve always hated those kinds of people but for the past few years I’ve found I can’t help it. Things I thought were stupid as a kid are still bringing me joy because it reminds me of when those were some of my biggest problems. Nostalgia is a hell of a drug and it’s also legal and profitable even though it’s also dangerously addictive...
 
Echo

Echo

Not waving but drowning-
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
530
I got the jab today. AstraZeneca.
I could have waited a week and been eligible for the RNA vaccines, but one of the reasons i took the appointment was the possibility- however rare- of dying.

C’mon, do it, whatever gods are out there, i’ve given you the perfect “in” to take me out- no one would ask questions!

I know i have some type of reaction to it- my arm lit up on fire after i received the jab….
 
LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
766
Echo said:
Jab side effects.

Are they worth it? …………. YES.

Do they suck balls? ……….. Also affirmative.

Just saying.
Yep injections certainly suck the big pink unwashed root !!! giggle :-) .
 
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LONE WOLF.

LONE WOLF.

PUNISHER.
Joined
Nov 4, 2020
Messages
766
GenesAndEnvironment said:
Note to self: stop reading and thinking about China.
Good idea GenesandEnviroment, Start thinking about pushing the Fire button on the Nuke heading in their direction!!! Yeah! That's what you get for Clogging up eBay with your cheap sweatshop made counterfeit Crap! And 3-2-1-FIRE Genes
Oh No! They've got Carrot cake!giphy.gif
 
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http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
Wasted another useless day. I don't even feel that bad, I just feel numb. I'm not sure that's better than the excruciating pain, probably not. Sooner or later, the pain will return. A never ending circle.

(Almost) nothing matters. If therapy ended now, I probably wouldn't care. I still need to get rid of the embarrassing stuff. Even looking at my ticket doesn't do anything to me except remind me to make it before the expiration date.

I'm not looking forward to the appointment this week at all. I won't be able to be honest, think or feel. I'm a wandering shell. If this state lasts longer, will I make it in this condition or will I be too numb for that? Is indifference the key? Should I do it when the pain returns? And if so, where? I wish hotels would open.

What do I want? I want N. Just that.

It's all so silly.

I don't know what I'm doing and which direction I'm heading. All I know is that I'm sinking.
 
KleinerWolf

KleinerWolf

Account Wipe.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
2,704
RANDOM THOUGHT 1

Sometimes i would appear or attempt to be optimistic about things,
even though things are rather bad.

but like right afterwards i would think to myself like why am I still here,
to endure some other people's life?

I'm deeply unhappy with what Im dealing with.
As I like to say, It's not good for me.



RANDOM THOUGHT 2
sometimes I couldn't help fantasize how much a relief and surprise it would be, if a country actually willing to take me in on basis of freedom-seeking.
"he just wants a frozen coke?" well, I just want to be free from China and leave it behind, but apparently to emigrate away is a privilege nowadays, despite my 10 years of struggle to no avail.

It annoys me when some russian dude protests in Australia supporting putin.
If he likes it so much he should honestly just go back to Russia.
Communism is so bad. It burdens and chain me down.
 
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signifying nothing

signifying nothing

-
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
2,566
Go and see things to be
And chase away the energy
Given time, over
I am gone
No hope to die
Systemic crashes
Hidden walls, feelings
Sinking away
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
14,684
I haven’t even drawn anything in months I’m honestly more intimidated than ever. I think it’s been like a year since I made my last self indulgent blog comic thing that I’ve kept to myself all this time. Why does creating have to take so much physical effort? Why can’t things just exist when I think of them? I’m so hungry.
 
signifying nothing

signifying nothing

-
Joined
Sep 13, 2020
Messages
2,566
Shredded lessons
Desires fed to Hell
Standing beside a watershed moment encased in doom
My breath the only sound
Your ear, my hand, our distance
Forever between us this hole
Why bother?
 
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nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
214
I threw my back out putting together my couch. I cant believe I'm old now): Where has my youth gone? On a completely opposite note, I'm craving a glass of apple juice with a bowl of yogurt and honey(:
 
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http-410

http-410

nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
568
There's no silence. Not in my head, not outside. Feeling worse today.

Even though I have my ticket, I'd like to sit next to the tracks now. The certainty that one can end everything at any time by taking a step would reassure me. No fasting, no suffering for 20 minutes. I need to see, hear and feel it. Weird when the thought of lying there completely shredded is a relieving one. Is my brain broken or is this a reasoned response? It's everywhere. I need to get out, but I'm too exhausted.
 
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