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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
588
I'm afraid of being trapped in this limbo forever.

In my imagination, I can overcome my survival mechanism, but it's brutal. I imagine falling hard on the floor while crying and vomiting simultaneously. Vomit everywhere. I'm reluctant to die in disgrace, but I have no choice. However, there are worse ways to die, right...? I'm expecting the worst. I wish there was a legally available, truly peaceful alternative. I think it really won't be pretty. The emotional detachment is perhaps the most difficult.

Sometimes I doubt whether I can bring myself to do it. But there is no other choice. Even if I decide to surrender to illusions called reality and "life", I will eventually go insane, if I am not already, and have to do it anyway. It's a one-way street.

I'm exhausted. My innermost being is a contaminated wasteland.
 
Symbiote

Symbiote

sudo apt-get SN
Joined
Oct 12, 2020
Messages
2,454
I never liked celebrating my birthday, it's always ended up in a disaster or make me feel horrible. This year, family asked me what I wanted to do. I said nothing because I know what's going to happen. They ask me again every week, until I finally relented and say, "Yeah maybe a restaurant or something small." The night before my birthday, I call to let them know of our plans, and get blasted with how inconsiderate I am and that my choices were too fancy and "Who are you to deserve something like that?"

So here I am today, another year gone, another year closer to death. I'm not thrilled about my own birthday. The people around me just keep on showing that my birth was a mistake or that my presence bothers them. I'm still going to grill up a steak, make a side, and then chill out for this evening. Just another day in hell.
 
Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Joined
Nov 30, 2020
Messages
1,946
Is my new exhaust too loud? I don't know if my anxiety would handle a confrontation with the fuzz.
 
Dr Iron Arc

Dr Iron Arc

Into the Unknown
Joined
Feb 10, 2020
Messages
14,797
So sick of people pressuring me to get the corona vaccine. Even my mom is starting to consider it and she still thinks vaccines can cause autism.

If I get one then I won’t be able to say I’m evil anymore so why the hell would I even want to get one? I want people to hate me and shun me and cast me out. Stop trying to make me join the positivity cult. Also I really hate needles. Why can’t people understand that I’m a bitch ass coward who would rather die slowly via coughing my lungs out or live with the guilt of killing someone else that way than have to endure getting pricked by a needle not just once but twice?

Someone even had the gall to tell me their coworker was like me but said coworker was able to get through it because her husband was there beside her. WELL GEE. Sure would be nice to have a spouse all my own. Who does this person think they are just trying to remind me of how goddamn lonely I am and how lonely I’ll always be? Just let me die in peace ffs. If I kill a few people along the way because I didn’t want to get stabbed then so be it.

That said, I’d absolutely turn my position around if I had a girlfriend that I’m genuinely interested in and she specifically told me to take it and that she’d come with me to comfort me. I guess I’m just that much of a simp for this figurative woman who likely doesn’t even exist. I’m like a whiny, petulant little child when it comes to vaccines except I need more than a lollipop as a reward, I need a goddamn soulmate.
 
Carrotcake

Carrotcake

Experienced
Joined
Nov 27, 2019
Messages
254
My blood pressure is so low due to the medication, my brain is getting deprived of oxygen. I’m like half way there with partial already without even touching a rope lol.
 
Mentalmick

Mentalmick

IMHOTEP!!!
Joined
Nov 30, 2020
Messages
1,946
I think UK law says 80 decibels is the limit for motorbikes. Mine is well over 100 with the new exhaust. FUCK YOU COPPERS, COME AND GET ME!!!!!! don't.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
588
Woke up last night with nausea and tachycardia. Even combining pills didn't help calm me down or force sleep. It's just daunting. Once again, I wonder if I can bring myself to puke my guts out for 20 minutes or be minced into seconds.

As always, I'm going around in circles.
 
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hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,177
This forum is boring AF. So much pathetic, repetitive melodrama... Retarded fears about the fucking afterlife! I've got my method. I've got a couple of interesting months left. Stop posting, just stop posting, you dumb fucker!
 
KleinerWolf

KleinerWolf

Account Wipe.
Joined
Apr 30, 2020
Messages
2,704
I would look at people and think they had great starting position,
but they say they don't identify with it,
they changed it, which is good for them, but 180 degree drastic change, inevitably making their life harder.

I wouldn't wanna be politically incorrect so I'll leave them figure it out themselves.
Much struggles ahead.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
588
Certain subreddits and the views of people there make me sick.

As if the only way to support a suicidal person is to force the ambulance and police on them who pressure them to "voluntarily" go to the loony bin. After OP announced that their partner have discharged themselves, someone has written to the OP to immediately call the rescue again if they threatens suicide again (this post received many upvotes). Of course, I don't know the background and can't judge, but how on earth is locking people up going to help.
 
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lanax09

lanax09

wanted in 17 countries for arson
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
235
today I went to stand at the top of my city's most notorious suicide spot, a fairly high bridge over a motorway, in order to try and see if I have the guts to do the jump at beachy head next week and also out of a morbid curiosity. I actually had a lot of fun as the view was really nice and there was a lot of pretty scenery around it and I would quite like to go there again.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,177
Replace my window, handyman. I like how you sweat. We both need much more than just one new window in our lives, don't we, buddy? I'll take what I can get. I like how you sweat...
 
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Echo

Echo

Not waving but drowning-
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
542
Why am i unable to sleep night after night and day after day? At some point i’m going to go mental from this…

*********

I’m hungry.
There’s no easy food in the house. No safe food.
I hate being hungry.

*********

My boyfriend is treating me like i’m worthless… maybe i’m letting him because i just don’t care anymore? Maybe my dog is so close to his end- i know my own date is nearing- i figure let him bully me around with his nasty tones and careless hurtful words… they simply keep me on track.

*********
 
Nessie

Nessie

Cynical
Joined
Aug 23, 2020
Messages
1,204
So apparently you can't edit or delete your messages on Facebook Messenger once you sent them. Oh crap. I'm so shanked.
All I can do now is sit and wait until they wake up and read all the BS drunk me send them. Including that one message with the borderline annguished declaration of love and "can I talk to you please". The bloody suspense. The horror.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Joined
Sep 10, 2018
Messages
193
I want to be myself. The best way to be myself is to not let others's actions and thoughts and words touch you.

Horny. I'll wake up tomorrow, too embarrassed by what I just posted. I have to remember how good it felt when I posted it. I hope I'm real horny tomorrow. I'm a really different person when horny.

I can't understand why humans don't just eat, sleep, horny. All the things can be solved by being so super horny, tap water should be infected with something that makes me horny. The whole world should be just a huge horny. I don't understand how people can call themselves sexual and not horny all the time. Genitals are for hornying. Either horny all the time or don't have genitals. Genitals should be banned from work places and public places. You don't bring a gun or a robot into McDonald, why would you bring a rape weapon or an incubator? Unless you agree that the world should just be a huge horny. Just leave them home. And why do babies have genitals? No one wants to horny babies. Only adults who are willing to horny everyday should be allowed genitals.

People shouldn't work 8h/5d, they should horny. People should be paid 1000€ after every horny.

If it isn't a solution, it's a problem. If it isn't horny, it's thorny.

Ah, I really want to live in a world of horny. I really want to live. Someone said this is a world of afterlife, like hell or a before-world, like a test. Or maybe this is all a fever dream...
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,177
Kiss me, I'm fucking dying. Serve me some fire. Been waiting for you like a fool. I need to make a connection, it doesn't matter if it's a lie.
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,602
I don't care what other people think. I only care what I think.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,177
I close my eyes, you close your eyes. But I need this, I need more. I know there is a way to get through to you. I'm offering you protection. Am I getting through to you?
 
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