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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
g h o s t e d
still no message.
still no message.
I thought I wouldn't do this again.
You are as precious to me as I am to you.


But still no message.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
I need sleeping pills and beta blockers, but I have no idea how to ask for both without seeming suspicious. Maybe at a monthly interval.
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
i put it in there cause i wanted to connect with you.
i put it in there cause it's all i know how to do.

i pulled it out when i saw you didn't care.

i pulled it out when i knew what you were all about.

I p u t m y h e a r t i n t h e r e
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
This love don't change. This love stays the same. This love lands on you like a butterfly lands on a flower. Look at the butterfly. You really think it only deserves to land on one flower?
 
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again_noidea

New Member
Joined
Apr 22, 2021
Messages
4
Tiburcio said:
I was thinking about how is life possible and how I born. We are a huge group of cells, what is the difference between me and one of the million of microorganisms inside me? Am I one of this cells or the result of something more advanced, the product of the union of millions of cells? Between all species in this world why an human? Why not a wild animal of even a plant? Was I destined to have capacity for thinking about this or is just coincidence?
It's almost impossible for us being alive. Very specific reactions were need for creating an habitable planet, creating the first primal cells and years of evolution. My family had to survive during generarions and their ancestors before the humans existed. My parents were to conceive me in the exact moment. And even with all this, I was one against millions of spermatozoons. The chances are so ridiculously low that is an absolute mistery how I am alive.

I feel like I'm trying to think about something superior to me. Too many questions without answer, so much desolation. I'm getting very confused with this.
it is indeed a mystery. many books have been writen about that question. we still have no answer. i while ago i read a good book that gave me some insights, at least about our own psyche and how it deals with our inevitable death, its called "the denial of death" by Ernest Becker
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
I stayed asleep long enough to have two dreams I remembered last night.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,854
Bigots everywhere... This is what they posted on a forum for suicidal people many of whom are gay guys, non-whites & immigrants -

"I find most gay men to be overly effeminate, unitelligent, liberal brainwashed lisping tools and I cannot stand them [Not everyone, just most that I've met IRL and OL]
I do not suppport anyone under the age of of 25 committing suicide unless they are facing and actual lifelong terminal physical illnes.
I find 9/10 of Amerikans to be too stupid to be bothered with.
There should be a complete and ruthless deportaliation of all immigrants and non-europeans from Scandinavia regardless of legal status there."
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
hotelbeneathground said:
Bigots everywhere... This is what they posted on a forum for suicidal people many of whom are gay guys, non-whites & immigrants -

"I find most gay men to be overly effeminate, unitelligent, liberal brainwashed lisping tools and I cannot stand them [Not everyone, just most that I've met IRL and OL]
I do not suppport anyone under the age of of 25 committing suicide unless they are facing and actual lifelong terminal physical illnes.
I find 9/10 of Amerikans to be too stupid to be bothered with.
There should be a complete and ruthless deportaliation of all immigrants and non-europeans from Scandinavia regardless of legal status there."
It's meant to be shocking and repulsive and yes surprise surprise this is the thought process lots of people have. Just ignore it. It's meant to offend and we are taking the bait.
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

zzz
Joined
Apr 13, 2021
Messages
2,854
Meditation guide said:
It's meant to be shocking and repulsive and yes surprise surprise this is the thought process lots of people have. Just ignore it. It's meant to offend and we are taking the bait.
Well, that's what being alive is all about - taking the bait like a fool. Can't wait to spit it out
 
Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
117
Had to beeing rude to the one I've feelings for.
I didn't like it but it was neccessary. The person was aware hurt me a few weeks ago.

I think this file will be closed right know cause I don't believe I'll get an answer but it's ok...well not ok...it is wat it is and I need to be able to look in the mirror again and that wouldn't be possible if I had kept silent.

So sad....that wasnt the way this project should run.

Sorry for my english :eh:
 
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Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
I'm finished looking for things in people that aren't there, things like depth, caring, sensitivity, empathy.
 
nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
235
It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
nightnightnitrite said:
It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.
Happy birthday! I'm there with you in spirit.
 
mini_weeny

mini_weeny

Every cradle is a grave
Joined
Jan 5, 2021
Messages
320
nightnightnitrite said:
It's my birthday today and I'm spending it alone. I sang myself happy birthday and I'm currently eating the cake I made for myself. I'm a cancer(water sign super affected by the moon) and right now it's raining but tonight there is a super moon. I also came into this world 22 years ago on a Thursday and it just so happens to be a Thursday today so I can't stop thinking how fitting it would be to leave the same day under these circumstances(rain&moon) 22 years later after I was born.
You are so young, I wish you had the support and love you deserve so that you could live a full and happy life. You also seem to be a kind soul. Sending you good wishes and I’m hoping things can change and you get a second chance in life and happiness.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
This drilling noise is driving me crazy.

As if I wasn't exhausted enough already, no, it just keeps getting worse. I'm too tired to get away from the noise. There is no escape, neither in my mind nor in the outside world. It is too loud, it is too much, no matter where I go.
 
grungeCat

grungeCat

Awkward & weird
Joined
Jul 5, 2020
Messages
965
Friday, getting drunk alone to forget about... how this reality sucks. I know it's unhealthy and wrong but at least I'm not hurting anyone but myself.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
This is so, so sad.

One might think to become dull after reading many goodbye threads, but it's always tragic when people off themselves.

Is this really what they wanted?

Is it what I want? It is a logical consequence, there is no other choice. Whether I want it or not, it doesn't matter.

It is awful what a person has to go through before they can bring themselves to do it.

I hope it was quick or it didn't happen at all.
 
Meditation guide

Meditation guide

Desire=half of life. Indifference=half of death.
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
4,840
I'm kinda downnnn.... feels bad.
 
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nightnightnitrite

nightnightnitrite

baby blues
Joined
Apr 17, 2021
Messages
235
You called me for the first time in forever and the call disconnected. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or on accident but the amount of abandonment issues you left me with is amplifying the hurt I am feeling even more now. I wish I could stop crying because I feel so stupid but in 25 minutes, it's going to be my father who passed away birthday and it's really all too much to handle right now. I want to purge and pick up a razor right now, it all feels horrible and I need some sort of control back in my life.
 
omoidarui

omoidarui

orangedarui
Joined
Apr 30, 2019
Messages
874
mfw the biggest news story is Matt Hancock kissing someone

no one curr! only saddos would care about something like that lol
 
Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Joined
Apr 14, 2019
Messages
117
The pressure has decreased. But it destroyed the evening.
There was such a big feeling of beeing dead...need to be dead.
I'm scared what the day will bring. It's 3:43am.
 
_Kaira_

_Kaira_

This Isn't Fine
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
Messages
829
Why the fuck do I continue to care about someone who doesn't give a rat's ass about me? Why do I put myself through pain and torment for someone who wishes I was either not here or dead?

Why am I so alone and pathetic? My heart hurts. I wish I could stop thinking about him. I wish the high could still take away my pain. Fuck.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
Tachycardia/panic attacks are awful.

As usual, I woke up way too early today after too little sleep and thought I'd try a new supplement to get back to sleep. I didn't really expect any effect, but ten minutes later I had a severe panic attack (the first after many months) with shortness of breath, tingling extremities and a strange feeling in my head. I got up and drank a lot of water, my legs felt like jello. I was already imagining ending up in the hospital, but luckily it went away on its own, even though the tingling sensation occurred a few times afterwards.

Apparently these reactions can occur, as I read afterwards, but at this intensity it seems to be rather uncommon or to happen at too high dosages.

After that, I couldn't sleep at all. Every time I was about to fall asleep, I felt like I was going to faint. At some point I had tried to just let it happen, but there was like a barrier that I couldn't overcome. I don't know yet if I should just pop another sleeping pill today.

If a supplement like that already triggers reactions like that, I don't even want to know what SN feels like.

I guess beta blockers are essential for me then.

This sucks.
 
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Lefty

Arcanist
Joined
Dec 7, 2018
Messages
482
Ugh too hot these days. Still trying to find and learn more about living off the grid.
 
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nowhere
Joined
Sep 12, 2020
Messages
630
I need to wean myself off that crap. Feeling even more foggy is not a solution.
 
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