Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
I have never understood one thing.

I was watching an anime. Someone went to buy video games from a store and there were PS4 game keep cases, the exact same game packet, the same blue line on top of it, the same symbol, the same name.

Except it wasn't PS4 it was PZ4, and the symbol had a lying Z instead of S. But that's all, everything was the exact same, they just changed S to Z.

WHY?! If it because of copyrights or something, I'm sure that having everything else be the exact same and just changing S to Z is a violation.

I fucking wish the 1/10 brains either respected copyrights and came up with their own console names and logos and game keep cases, or just outright called them PS4.

Same with those Zony TVs. Just call them Sony or make up your own name like Tii-Vii. Now Tii-Vii. I've never seen anyone use that obvious and funny word used. Because those retards have a fetish of calling Sony Zony. Heh, Sony Zony would be a funny name too. They should have a Sony fan who has a pony named Sony Pony, or Son. I.pony." A brown male necromancer horse called Son E.bony whose dad is Dad. E.bony. See?!

Even some indie comic artists do it. "This is google, this looks and behaves like google, but let's just call it guugl". You fudgesarses call it something funny and original like "Söözi-chan" (search-chan) or you call it Google!

If you can't even make up a new name for a browser or TV, then you probably can't even think of a new, good and unique story.
 
TriggerHappy

TriggerHappy

Inthe kingdom ofthe blind; the one-eyed are kings
Jan 24, 2021
1,233
I have never understood one thing.

I was watching an anime. Someone went to buy video games from a store and there were PS4 game keep cases, the exact same game packet, the same blue line on top of it, the same symbol, the same name.

Except it wasn't PS4 it was PZ4, and the symbol had a lying Z instead of S. But that's all, everything was the exact same, they just changed S to Z.

WHY?! If it because of copyrights or something, I'm sure that having everything else be the exact same and just changing S to Z is a violation.

I fucking wish the 1/10 brains either respected copyrights and came up with their own console names and logos and game keep cases, or just outright called them PS4.

Same with those Zony TVs. Just call them Sony or make up your own name like Tii-Vii. Now Tii-Vii. I've never seen anyone use that obvious and funny word used. Because those retards have a fetish of calling Sony Zony. Heh, Sony Zony would be a funny name too. They should have a Sony fan who has a pony named Sony Pony, or Son. I.pony." A brown male necromancer horse called Son E.bony whose dad is Dad. E.bony. See?!

Even some indie comic artists do it. "This is google, this looks and behaves like google, but let's just call it guugl". You fudgesarses call it something funny and original like "Söözi-chan" (search-chan) or you call it Google!

If you can't even make up a new name for a browser or TV, then you probably can't even think of a new, good and unique story.
Funny!
I remember buying a HOMEGATE watch in Thailand, after payment they popped off the glass cover and scratched off the H and the E giving me an Omega... then i figured out why Rolexa was a brand name, the skew letters are hardly misunderstood as counterfeit in the near /far east / Arab states... huge huge market (my interest was esp in grey AppleMacs & the illegalitys involved in counterfeit Linux kernel coding) half the macs are fakes and their owners don't even know!!
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
Funny!
I remember buying a HOMEGATE watch in Thailand, after payment they popped off the glass cover and scratched off the H and the E giving me an Omega... then i figured out why Rolexa was a brand name, the skew letters are hardly misunderstood as counterfeit in the near /far east / Arab states... huge huge market (my interest was esp in grey AppleMacs & the illegalitys involved in counterfeit Linux kernel coding) half the macs are fakes and their owners don't even know!!
I completely forgot about Asian countries having a huge counterfeit market. Should have scratched the O too to get a mega watch. XD A really different culture. I hope the fakeMacs still work like a real one. Now that you said, I remember people buying DS games and years later finding out that they were all fake. At least they still worked.
 
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TriggerHappy

TriggerHappy

Inthe kingdom ofthe blind; the one-eyed are kings
Jan 24, 2021
1,233
I completely forgot about Asian countries having... // At least they still worked.
// yeah you could get a special limited edition (not so much = mass-produced!) MacBook Pro that would occasionally have sparks fly out the speakers!
Turns out it was a defect and not because of my predilection to Diamanda Galas &/ Peter Paraxcelsus' satanic techno!!
*(I thought it was like one of those special features, like the spermatozoa whirlycurl screensaver!), sadly no reason to call in the exorcist (no jokes about my leather porn fetish backup!!)
..I could do with a sexy priest or 2 for Haloween!! :devil:
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
// yeah you could get a special limited edition (not so much = mass-produced!) MacBook Pro that would occasionally have sparks fly out the speakers!
Turns out it was a defect and not because of my predilection to Diamanda Galas &/ Peter Paraxcelsus' satanic techno!!
*(I thought it was like one of those special features, like the spermatozoa whirlycurl screensaver!), sadly no reason to call in the exorcist (no jokes about my leather porn fetish backup!!)
..I could do with a sexy priest or 2 for Haloween!! :devil:
An exorcist? Funny thing, guess what my name means?
 
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Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Apr 14, 2019
181
It's 01:00 here. The rain knocks gently on my window.
I have to say I feel almost some kind of....relaxed?! But there are the other thoughts - the not allowed ones.
Hm the road never stops.
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
938
If I will be dead anyways, what does it matter how people think or feel about it afterwards?
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
I read that people take male named storms more seriously than female named storms and thus people are much more likely to die in female named storms. Proves what robots people are. I wish all humans lost sexes and genders for a week.
 
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Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Apr 14, 2019
181
The truth....the truth is not good.
Don't say the truth to someone you like or to a friend.
It'll made you lost and the friendship is gone.
 
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motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
I visited the resting place of other animals who were hit by cars. Deers, bears, gooses. Lots of maggots, too. A bunch of crows and some eagles flew away when we arrived. When we left, they flew back to continue eating. I didn't plan to go today so I didn't bring them flowers. It was nice to visit them still. We didn't stay long because a bear's body was freshly dragged, coyotes were nearby. I went to the vape store after. The man was so sweet, I feel bad for stinking his shop up with the smell of death. Sorry bro. I think I want to CTB in a place like this or a human cemetery. But I might get caught. I have time to think about it. I still smell like rotting corpses.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
I was having a really bad and awful problem, asked for help and got down-voted with no replies.

I don't know if I should ask for help elsewhere or just give up and forget about it.
 
Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Apr 14, 2019
181
Dear Sir or Madame,

can I go?
I want to travel through the universe. Now. And leave this scumbag planet behind me - immediately.

This burden makes me crash everytime.

Best regards
X. X.
 
motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
I was having a really bad and awful problem, asked for help and got down-voted with no replies.

I don't know if I should ask for help elsewhere or just give up and forget about it.
Hi Manaaja, this isn't a response to the post I'm quoting (sorry), it's about your reply on the "How do you make yourself do shit?" thread. I didn't want to reply there because i don't want to be disrespectful to OP. I just want to say thank you for your post. I think it's helpful. When I look for advice on that, I see lots of unhelpful stuff like "just do it" or things that won't work for me, even therapists I've talked to. So I wanted to thank you for sharing that. I hope you get help for your problem just like you're helping others.
 
avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
938
Our power to exert influence on thinking and feeling is a quality of immortality - love, art, music, literature . . .
We all matter.
I respectfully disagree. The world overall would have been a bit better had I not existed in the first place. This comes from careful analysis of facts I am certain of.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
Hi Manaaja, this isn't a response to the post I'm quoting (sorry), it's about your reply on the "How do you make yourself do shit?" thread. I didn't want to reply there because i don't want to be disrespectful to OP. I just want to say thank you for your post. I think it's helpful. When I look for advice on that, I see lots of unhelpful stuff like "just do it" or things that won't work for me, even therapists I've talked to. So I wanted to thank you for sharing that. I hope you get help for your problem just like you're helping others.

You're welcome! Glad I could help!

I also forgot to say that you could use wireless headphones to listen to music/videos/audiobooks/podcasts while doing chores. You can also buy wireless headphones which have a hidden microphone inside and use them to make phone calls while walking. I did so in the past and it really helped when I didn't have to carry the phone in my hand (one of the people I like to call often likes to speak for an hour so it's really tough for my hands to hold the phone).

I have to admit that it's much harder to do home chores now that I live in a different address (I hate this house so I spend way too much staring at my computer and phone screens and imagining that I'm elsewhere) and I don't have my personal assistant anymore. For some reason the second I get a visitor I start to clean. It's not a conscious decision. I think it's some sort instinctual behavior I learnt in childhood when my parents always got mad and ordered me to clean when they got home.

Yeah, many therapists just talk what they've heard someone else talk. Helping people requires coming up with new methods, coming up with new methods requires intelligence and creativity and being intelligent or creative isn't a requirement for being a psychologist. And of course different things work for different people.

Thank you! I'm really lacking motivation these days and the loss of my personal assistant really hurt me. The personal assistant would help me go to buy food, help me cook, help me with dishes, remind me to vacuum the floors, help me pay bills, make phone calls and fill disability papers etc. I should check if I could get the service back, but ironically, I'm unable to do that without help. I really wish the mental health care was better in here. I can tell you that the personal assistants that came to my home helped me a million times more than chatting with some guy in hospital once a month. Another good thing about those assistants was that if there was something weighting your mind you could share it with them. I once had problems with my cousin and the assistant helped me write a reply to him and set boundaries. In my opinion all psychologists should be replaced with personal assistants that have had training in multiple areas. I had one lovely assistant who had ADHD training and that helped me a lot. (even though I have ADD and not ADHD).
 
littlelungs

littlelungs

Arcanist
Oct 21, 2018
460
I just woke up from a dream and I'm having a really fucking hard time with it. It wasn't even a PTSD dream (or at least, in the direct sense, anyway), but a dream that preyed on one of my biggest insecurities... but it's an insecurity that was most likely triggered by my BPD, whose development I think has at least SOMETHING to do with trauma, but... I don't know. Fuck it. Let's see where this goes.

The summed up version of the dream is: I basically "travelled to the past" and witnessed my husband being in love with another woman. This isn't just a woman that I made up in my head, but a woman that he was actually in love with at one point.

Rationally, I KNOW that my husband loves me. It's not even a question. He tells me all the time, but even then, he doesn't even really have to tell me, because the "evidence", so to speak, is really fucking clear. I can tell by the way he talks to me and the way he looks at me. It's just something that I can feel. So the fact that I get so fucked up over dreams like this makes me angry. He has a past. So do I. It's unfair of me to be so jealous and upset. He didn't even know me back then. Shit, I wasn't even legal back then. Fuck's sake, I was in a relationship when I met him... well, more like I was trapped in one and the sex life was practically non-existent... but he was VERY understanding and empathetic towards the situation I was in at the time because that's just the kind of person he is, but I know that it bothered him sometimes, and understandably so. Of course, it really bothered me, too, for a lot of reasons.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that, when we first met and before we fell in love, he told me that I reminded him of someone who was very special to him. At the time, he used the present tense. He said a couple other things regarding her talents, which also happened to be mine as well, and there's some weird fucking thought process in my head where I can't stop asking myself if she was better than me. Or if she was prettier than me, or thinner than me, or nicer than me, or less fucked up than me (which, she probably-most-definitely was that last one, because that's generally just a REALLY low bar). He said it took him a really long time to get over her, which, for some reason, really got to me. There's part of me that's afraid that, if in some alternate reality where we would no longer be together, he would get over me really quickly. He said that she was a genuinely good person, but he said that about me, too. There's that stupid part of me that's afraid that I'm a "replacement" - that the only reason that he loves me now is because I remind him of her.

I know that it's fucked up of me to think like this. When I get like this, I tell myself that he loves ME, but then of course, the shitty side of my mind counters that with, "Of course he does, but he loved her, too. YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL." Or I tell myself that he married ME, not her, but then the other side comes back and says, "Yeah, but what if he had the opportunity to marry her instead? Would he have done it?"

None of these are fair questions to ask and, if I did, it puts him in a really tight position. I've done it before and, as you can probably imagine, it's incredibly uncomfortable for him. I can't/don't want to talk to him about this because it hurts him, he's dealing with enough shit as it is, and it's unfair as fuck of me to be jealous over something that he had no control over. You can't just pick and choose who you fall in love with; it doesn't work like that. There are things that I've told him about my past that he could be jealous about, too, and he has been... BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE JEALOUS. I WANT him to be able to tell me anything. I don't want my BPD, my stupid fucking self, to fuck that up.

And then there's the traumatized part of me that genuinely believed for most of my life that straight men are not truly capable of actually falling in love with women - but especially not with me - and that their attraction is purely based on using women for sex, and their "desire" to hurt them. Of course I know now that this isn't true, and that there is a massive problem in society regarding men expressing their emotions, toxic masculinity and so on (which is completely fucked up)... but for years, this was all I knew, and between the trauma and my experiences with men up until the point I met my husband, I really didn't have much of a reason to not believe that this - that men couldn't fall in love with women because of xyz - was actually the case. This always really fucked with me, especially when I was younger and starting to experience attraction, because, while I was attracted to men, even more than that, I was FUCKING TERRIFIED of them. I interpreted this profound fear of men as me being gay, and whenever I'd see a man and my stomach would flip, I'd be so mad at myself and just ignore it as much as I could. I mean, shit, I had a MUCH easier time accepting that I was completely gay (when I actually wasn't) than accepting that I was attracted to men (which I am). I'd see men who said that they were in love, and I'd see the way they looked at and talked about women that they were in love with, and I just could NOT wrap my head around it. It was like I'd seen a unicorn, and to have this deep-seated belief that I'd had since childhood be challenged scared the fuck out of me. I didn't know what the hell was going on.

And, again, while I know that straight men are VERY capable of experiencing emotions and falling in love with women and I realize that these beliefs are deeply rooted in trauma and do not represent the billions of men on this planet and all that, and the rational part of my brain knows without a single shadow of a doubt that my husband loves me (VERY much) and ONLY me, it would be dishonest of me to say that this whole "thing" (whatever the hell it is) doesn't nag at me sometimes, and that I don't still struggle with accepting the fact that a man actually loves ME; that there is a man who experienced love with another woman before me, and that he, a straight man, currently loves a woman.... me. It challenges the schema that I had for most of my life. In a lot of ways, it imprinted itself into my brain while it was still in the critical stages of development, and something like that doesn't just magically go away. I wish it would.

I know this is scattered because my brain gets scattered when I think about all of this. It's a lot more complicated than anything I can really describe. I have a knot in my throat but I'm not going to fucking cry about this. I'm being stupid.

For the record: Once again, I recognize that these are not rational thoughts, and that at the end of the day, my brain will concoct some fucked up thing to make me upset no matter what the actual reality is. My mind has NEVER been on my side. This is shit that is WAY better off just being kept to myself... or I guess in this case, on SS under a spoiler. I resent the fact that I struggle with any of this in the first place, and that the only way I can truly escape it is to just turn off my brain entirely and permanently.

I don't know. I just clearly needed to get some of it out of my system.
 
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medjooled11

medjooled11

Define or be defined.
Aug 13, 2021
33
I respectfully disagree. The world overall would have been a bit better had I not existed in the first place. This comes from careful analysis of facts I am certain of.
And what facts? What analysis? By who?
I disagree. You haven't existed - at least not fully. You still exist. There is still time.
 
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Seaghost

Seaghost

Student
Apr 14, 2019
181
Ordered SN (Filmerin) from the jungle.
Shipping seems to work.

I won't be able to fight through whole Dignitas thing.
My environment is breaking into piaces. I have to be the first who's into pieces.

Oh and I saw a photo of a beloved human. How wonderful she looks.
I hope I will be her guardian angel when i'm on the other side.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
If only I was a native English speaker and I had a good voice I could do youtube videos about art or play games on Twitch.

But with a voice like this and my awful pronunciation, I doubt anyone would want to watch my videos no matter how good, entertaining or informative they were.

I have a really bad luck with that mental health chat waiting times. I will go there at around 8:30-9:15pm and almost always miss it because they close when I'm next or the second next in line. If there was one person less in that line I'd get in ten times more. But now I though about joining the chat wait list, going to shower and shop and come back home (to see it still having 10 people before me), but noooooooooooo! Now I have to choose between the chat and going to shop and showering, and I really want to choose the shower and shop.
 
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motyxia

motyxia

less than him
Oct 14, 2021
168
You're welcome! Glad I could help!

I also forgot to say that you could use wireless headphones to listen to music/videos/audiobooks/podcasts while doing chores. You can also buy wireless headphones which have a hidden microphone inside and use them to make phone calls while walking. I did so in the past and it really helped when I didn't have to carry the phone in my hand (one of the people I like to call often likes to speak for an hour so it's really tough for my hands to hold the phone).

I have to admit that it's much harder to do home chores now that I live in a different address (I hate this house so I spend way too much staring at my computer and phone screens and imagining that I'm elsewhere) and I don't have my personal assistant anymore. For some reason the second I get a visitor I start to clean. It's not a conscious decision. I think it's some sort instinctual behavior I learnt in childhood when my parents always got mad and ordered me to clean when they got home.

Yeah, many therapists just talk what they've heard someone else talk. Helping people requires coming up with new methods, coming up with new methods requires intelligence and creativity and being intelligent or creative isn't a requirement for being a psychologist. And of course different things work for different people.

Thank you! I'm really lacking motivation these days and the loss of my personal assistant really hurt me. The personal assistant would help me go to buy food, help me cook, help me with dishes, remind me to vacuum the floors, help me pay bills, make phone calls and fill disability papers etc. I should check if I could get the service back, but ironically, I'm unable to do that without help. I really wish the mental health care was better in here. I can tell you that the personal assistants that came to my home helped me a million times more than chatting with some guy in hospital once a month. Another good thing about those assistants was that if there was something weighting your mind you could share it with them. I once had problems with my cousin and the assistant helped me write a reply to him and set boundaries. In my opinion all psychologists should be replaced with personal assistants that have had training in multiple areas. I had one lovely assistant who had ADHD training and that helped me a lot. (even though I have ADD and not ADHD).
Thank you for even more advice. I have wireless headphones but they really hurt my ears. The part that goes on your ears is very small & puts a lot of pressure on your ears. It hurt if I wore them for a bit before, it hurts a lot more now that I have 4 ear piercings (Even though they're all healed). So I'd have time to use them for some tasks but not all before I have to take them off. I should look into getting ones that are less painful. Music really helps me to do stuff because it makes me feel less like crap. I listen to a lot of livestreamed debates too that I don't want to miss, listening to them while doing what I need to do would be really helpful.

I think that's a problem with psychiatrists too. My last one recommended pseudoscience, & when I was really bad physically caused by something mental, it was obvious especially since she saw me before it got that bad, she just told me to drink kale smoothies every morning and take vitamin D drops instead of actually helping me with the serious problem. I haven't seen her in a while because of the pandemic & hopefully I get a new one soon, but when I think about her I get worried about her other patients. Idk how she got to become a psychiatrist, it's scary.

The personal assistant sounds really helpful. I live with my grandmother, so she helps me with some stuff, but there's a lot she can't help because she's elderly & also recently went through something traumatic. She needs my help too, so I try my best, but also there's stuff I can't help her with. Which makes me feel really bad that I ask her for help when I can't help her with everything. We could probably both use a personal assistant here. They were talking about putting me on disability so if that happens maybe I can get that option. Idk where you live but I wish the mental health care was better there too. It's probably the most important thing, it doesn't matter if someone is physically healthy if theyre mental health is really bad, but it seems like mental health care is crappy in most places. I really hope you can get a personal assistant again. That you need help to get one again is a really bad & unfair situation to be in. I'm lucky that there's some people who can help me get put on disability, if I had to do it by myself, I couldn't. (I worry a lot that these people will throw me onto the streets because they have the power to do that, I want emergency CTB supplies in case this happens.)
 
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littlelungs

littlelungs

Arcanist
Oct 21, 2018
460
If only I was a native English speaker and I had a good voice I could do youtube videos about art or play games on Twitch.

But with a voice like this and my awful pronunciation, I doubt anyone would want to watch my videos no matter how good, entertaining or informative they were.

I have a really bad luck with that mental health chat waiting times. I will go there at around 8:30-9:15pm and almost always miss it because they close when I'm next or the second next in line. If there was one person less in that line I'd get in ten times more. But now I though about joining the chat wait list, going to shower and shop and come back home (to see it still having 10 people before me), but noooooooooooo! Now I have to choose between the chat and going to shop and showering, and I really want to choose the shower and shop.

I personally LOVE accents and I actually find it endearing when people mispronounce things (as long as I can still understand them :ahhha:). Also, English is a really shitty language when it comes to pronunciation because it's so irregular – native speakers mispronounce things all the time, too, haha. Can I ask what your native language is? (Of course, I understand if you don't want to answer that.)

For whatever it's worth, if you were to ever make some art videos (and I were still alive, of course), I would watch them. :hug:
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
I don't like how my name is now yellow. I use a light theme so now it's a very light yellow against a very light background so I can barely see my name. I want it back green.
 
Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
Thank you for even more advice. I have wireless headphones but they really hurt my ears. The part that goes on your ears is very small & puts a lot of pressure on your ears. It hurt if I wore them for a bit before, it hurts a lot more now that I have 4 ear piercings (Even though they're all healed). So I'd have time to use them for some tasks but not all before I have to take them off. I should look into getting ones that are less painful. Music really helps me to do stuff because it makes me feel less like crap. I listen to a lot of livestreamed debates too that I don't want to miss, listening to them while doing what I need to do would be really helpful.

I think that's a problem with psychiatrists too. My last one recommended pseudoscience, & when I was really bad physically caused by something mental, it was obvious especially since she saw me before it got that bad, she just told me to drink kale smoothies every morning and take vitamin D drops instead of actually helping me with the serious problem. I haven't seen her in a while because of the pandemic & hopefully I get a new one soon, but when I think about her I get worried about her other patients. Idk how she got to become a psychiatrist, it's scary.

The personal assistant sounds really helpful. I live with my grandmother, so she helps me with some stuff, but there's a lot she can't help because she's elderly & also recently went through something traumatic. She needs my help too, so I try my best, but also there's stuff I can't help her with. Which makes me feel really bad that I ask her for help when I can't help her with everything. We could probably both use a personal assistant here. They were talking about putting me on disability so if that happens maybe I can get that option. Idk where you live but I wish the mental health care was better there too. It's probably the most important thing, it doesn't matter if someone is physically healthy if theyre mental health is really bad, but it seems like mental health care is crappy in most places. I really hope you can get a personal assistant again. That you need help to get one again is a really bad & unfair situation to be in. I'm lucky that there's some people who can help me get put on disability, if I had to do it by myself, I couldn't. (I worry a lot that these people will throw me onto the streets because they have the power to do that, I want emergency CTB supplies in case this happens.)
I have Sony WH-1000XM3, absolutely god-sent, soft and large earcups. I also have headphones that don't go on ear or in ear, they are amazing too. They don't hurt your ears or hearing because they don't even go in the ear. They are still tight enough to not fall off when exercising. Aftershokz Trekz Titanium Headphones.

I'd think debates are stressful, but I guess their intense can also make you more alert and active.

I believe that vitamins and minerals etc. help a lot, but of course if your problem is for example that your neighbor blasts music every day and night, then of course nothing you eat will help you. Or if your problem is that you lost your sister in a car accident, then food isn't really helpful in that regard. Or if you have money problems then being told to eat more is just idiotic.

I hope you can get a new one! I understand what you mean by useless things. Though to be honest, in my case, I wish I could have a psychiatrist like that. I'd rather be given kale and vitamin D than any of the poison pills that make me feel bad and out of character. My problems come from outside the body. When I'm in a good environment and don't have to worry about anything I can be really happy, but the psychiatrists I met were the type of "You didn't sleep well last night because your neighbors blasted music all night? You must suffer from a million different brain juice diseases which will require taking all kinds of poisons for the rest of your life!" instead of "You didn't sleep well because your neighbors were loud? I'm really sorry to hear that. Do you want me to help make a complain about them? Also, do you need sleeping pills?". (I would have never visited a psychiatrist, but in my country you can't visit a psychologist without sometimes meeting with a psychiatrist too which is stupid. Or you can, but those in the private area cost a lot.)

I wish you could both get an assistant. Yeah, and sometimes mental health can be good, but there are challenges, for example, I'm always late because I'm really slow and really hyper focusing (the type to think "Oh there's still time to read a bit!" and suddenly 45 minutes have gone by, so the assistant would sometimes call me and remind me to go. Thank you! I wish I could get a personal assistant which knows about my challenges and takes them seriously but treats me like a person. My second last personal assistant was perfect, she was calm, understanding, nice, humane, gave really good advice, was really patient. She treated me really well and was a huge help. My last assistant was the worst assistant ever, she literally cancelled our meetings because in her opinion I didn't need help. She thought all my diagnosed conditions were made up. During one of her visits I literally fell on my knees and started crying about how everyone hates me and she just walked away and I had to beg her to stay. I have narcissistic relatives and she reminded me so much of them. I don't remember how many assistants I had, maybe 10, but I'd say 3 of them were shit and shouldn't have a job where they interact with people. I once got a migraine attack on a walk on a really sunny day, I said that I have a headache, I'm feeling sick, I need to drink and go inside and she literally refused. WTF! What if I had gotten a heart attack? Would she have just left me to die there? If you get an assistant, I hope they are like my second last! A good and understanding person.

I might in theory be able to do it myself, but I'm really socially anxious. I have had so many bad experiences with people that I fear that they will hurt me again. I understand. I really hope they won't make you homeless! I would never trust people who could do that. It would be nice if we could just buy a bottle of N from the nearest drug store for a time of need.

I forgot to say last time. I also had visits to phychophysiatry, like a person who helps handle emotions with exercise. It was a great help! I remember I told her that I often feel like it's hard for me to respect my boundaries, so we played a game. She would throw huge soft balls at me and would parry them. It actually helped me feel more confident. She also told me what to do when I'm angry, she taught me to push a wall. Also told me to try it when I'm not angry to make it a habit. She also taught me to breath better.

If I could choose, I'd get a personal assistant and a psychophysiatrist. I don't need psychiatrists and psychologists. (though getting sleeping medicine sometimes was nice.)
 
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deflationary

deflationary

Fussy exister. Living in the epilogue
Mar 11, 2020
460
I don't like how my name is now yellow. I use a light theme so now it's a very light yellow against a very light background so I can barely see my name. I want it back green.
You can change it under Account Details!
 
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needingpeace24

needingpeace24

Member
Oct 19, 2021
44
I don't know if this is against rules or if this is a good place for it. If anyone here is willing to talk right before I do what I need to do in the next day or two let me know. Anyone in my personal life will only try to talk me out of it and I can't have that. It would be nice to have a few minutes of conversation right before with someone who understands where I'm at. Weird request from a stranger, but let me know.
 
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avoid_slow_death

avoid_slow_death

Ready to embrace the peaceful bliss of the void.
Feb 4, 2020
938
I don't know if this is against rules or if this is a good place for it. If anyone here is willing to talk right before I do what I need to do in the next day or two let me know. Anyone in my personal life will only try to talk me out of it and I can't have that. It would be nice to have a few minutes of conversation right before with someone who understands where I'm at. Weird request from a stranger, but let me know.
I'll do it. One stipulation though. I don't want to be there when you pass on. Been through that before and it's very depressing. Not like I am not severely already, but, it's a haunting experience.
 
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Manaaja

Manaaja

euROPE
Sep 10, 2018
763
I decided to keep the yellow after seeing how many different ranks there were. I want to climb the ladder natu-rally.
 
needingpeace24

needingpeace24

Member
Oct 19, 2021
44
I'll do it. One stipulation though. I don't want to be there when you pass on. Been through that before and it's very depressing. Not like I am not severely already, but, it's a haunting experience.

I understand that and I thank you. I just want to talk to someone right up til then for a few minutes.
 
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