What if it were all just a dream?
- Feb 21, 2021
Today is probably like a 3, though I'm still on edge.
5. I am overthinking a lot. Thinking way too much about the girl in college. Always when I tell my friends my theories they tell me I am overthinking shit in a huge way. Yeah it sucks not being fully sane.
I am overthinking it really in an extreme way. I don't have any thoughts about her which are not overthinking. I had like a streak 3 days without addictive medication but yesterday I had to take it. I ruminated about her way too much and I layed in my bed wide awake for like 3 hours. Hope for me that I can sleep today without it. I just hope I don't become an addict this would fuck my life even way more.
The problem is not my current suicidality. Rather I am really unstable and if I get a new manic or psychotic episode I will kill myself. But I am just repeating myself over and over again
Each time I cry I drink water to stabilize myself, been drinking a lot of waterToday and yesterday I’ve been at around an 8 or 9. Extreme grief and stress have taken control of my mind.
I’m at a 6. Husband and son just left to work out of town for a week so……. It will go up. Always does when I’m left alone while what I call on the scale.1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.
My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.
So sorry my friend but I feel ya. While I don’t feel ashamed I replace that with I’m no good to anyone and only a burden on my family. But we have to try… try for the ones we love even though they don’t have a clue what we are going throughIt increased to 6. I am overthinking my life extremely hard. I despise me. I feel ashamed. I am a fucking idiot.
I am currently in a very bad place. This is not good. Took half a lorazepam. Noone answers my thread where I describe how I am feeling.
I feel so ashamed...
My thoughts are racing...this is really hard to endure. But I think the lorazepam begins to work.
How do y’all measure the numbers 1-10? I find sometimes I feel like it’s inaccurate for my feelingsAround a 5 during the day, I find when I work I think about things a lot less. Right now probably 7-8 same old