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noname223

Visionary
Aug 18, 2020
2,330
Feeling kind of manic. Some thoughts are triggering and I can't let them go.
Weird sleep schedule now for like 2 months. This frihgtens me. But I seem to have the control of it for now. Decreasing the amount of addictive medication currently. I will need more of them later. Scared to become an addict. It is dangerous how I use them but otherwise I would already be in a manic epsisode.
Suicidal thoughts rather low like a 4. I enjoyed some activities in my free time.
 
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outrider567

Wizard
Apr 5, 2022
613
9.2-9.5 . Feel very sick all the time, not sure if it's anxiety but i feel like want to throw up all of sudden. Never felt like this before .
Acid reflux can cause nausea---try a little honey, and maybe a walk to increase digestion--- Emetrol at the drug store might help
 
Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
414
Surprisingly I was close to a 0 yesterday, now I’m high up again. Maybe an 8…I was doing pretty well the last few days, but distraction only works for so long when it comes to me.

Woke up and realized I don’t have anyone to go to. My best and only friend completely left my life, so I have no calls or messages to look forward to anymore. I’ve just been mindlessly jumping back and forth between apps and websites throughout the day like a zombie, in between crying.

This isn’t living at all. I hate my life so much.
 
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noname223

Visionary
Aug 18, 2020
2,330
4. I was not sure where to write my thoughts about the day. Either this thread or the "List 3 positive things about your day" Interestingly both stem from me. Though this thread "Rating suicidality was not my own idea.

I wasted today a lot of time. I was very slow when I studied. I wasted a lot of time due to OCD. Though my therapist does not really acknowldge it is OCD. My brain is kind of insane and in my opinion OCD is a fitting condition. Though my OCD behavior is often not the usual OCD behavior this is why the assessment tests fail on it. This is my personal theory.

A part of me is manic due to some past events. It is really weird. FIrst I did not care about it. But one week after it I am obsessed by the event. It might be overthinking. At least it is not as triggering as the thoughts about the beautiful girl in college. I was ambivalent what she thinks about me. But now I am quite sure she is not interested in me which was quite obivous when you consider my insane insecurity and socially awkward behavior. Solely the fact that I considered she had a crush on me is not a good sign for my sanity.

Another part of me cringes about my social awkwardness. I try to calm me down. Most people don't care about other people. Most people live in their own bubble and ignore strangers. I barely know anything about these people. Most people are probably indifferent about me in college. I ask myself if some people might suspect me being mentally ill. Though I think many people don't much about mental illness. Moreover I am not that important for them. My brain often sees myself as the center of the universe which is really unhealthy.

As in the last weeks. Suicidality is currently not my problem rather the maanic symptoms.
 
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lostmyacc

Been on and off here for 2 years. Lost my password
Jun 1, 2022
152
7. But aware there is no future. So if I do it now or in 6 months the position i am in will not change. Still feel forced and trapped to be here.
 
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Gyomei

Member
Jun 11, 2022
15
1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.
5 right now but in the night it ramps up to like an 8 sometimes maybe 9
 
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clown_17

clown_17

Almost gone, it almost worked
Oct 24, 2020
233
Like a 7 right now. I was at a 5 for the past monthish but today sucks
 
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woe-boy

woe-boy

sentenced into dreamless drudgery
Mar 30, 2022
16
The last 72 hours have been at least a 7 or 8.

My brain cannot shut up about whatever mistakes I've made recently. My lunges for love, sex and romance have turned me overweight and useless. I wanna ctb so badly if it promised me peace. I want life to have a restart level button..

I never thought sharing love would be so dangerous and painful, risky too. It is not enjoyable. But I crave it everso.
 
andweallfloatonok

andweallfloatonok

Member
Apr 2, 2022
12
eh, like a 6. it's nice to think about it, but i'm carrying on for the foreseeable future.
 
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