ImsooDone1N

ImsooDone1N

Arcanist
Nov 22, 2018
609
9.75/10.00 - It’s worse. Should be a 10- but I just feel like that things are gonna continue to get worse for me, so I’m making an allotment for that. This is fucking hell & I wouldn’t wish it on anyone!! (Not that anyone gives a shit nor would I expect them too).
 
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Lullaby

Lullaby

🌙
Mar 9, 2022
448
7/8 this week. I’m so over all of this.

I’ve applied to so many jobs this month with no response. I finally got a call back today from one, only to get rejected. Then they tell me if I know anyone else with more experience, to tell them to apply. What a joke.

I’m behind on so many bills and I’m struggling so much again with everything.

No idea why I keep trying anymore, this is all pointless.
 
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N

noname223

Visionary
Aug 18, 2020
2,573
3. Low suicidality. Talked a lot with my best friend which comforted me a lot. Though I feel quite manic. I currently change my medication. I want to stop taking one. I reduced it and now I am only taking 2/3 of it. I am already quite manic. I wake up very early which is a warning sign.
Don't know how I shall do this. I think reducing it more would backfire a lot. I have to succeed in a certain time period. But I think it is not realistical. It is a pretty huge challenge. And it could lead to my suicide if I fuck it up. But the pressure is currently lower.
 
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nys

nys

mors mihi lucrum
Jun 1, 2022
262
9.9. I feel really suicidal and horrible right now and just being alive feels so overwhelming for me. I have no idea how I was able to fuck up my life so much but somehow I did. I hate being alive so much. I want to die so bad but my stupid fucking SI won't let me. I would have put a 10 but if I was really at a 10, I would have actually ctb'd by now. I hate being trapped in this situation not wanting to live but unable to bring myself to die. I hate this
 
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LowLevelChimp

LowLevelChimp

Just your average pos
Jul 18, 2022
15
9.5 today, off back to hospital for cancer check again, CT and camera up the rear. I’ve had enough of this pain, I’ve lost 3 stone in 2 months, i hoped for recovery but it’s just not going to be possible for me, too much booze and excess plus I deserve to die for all I’ve done. Hopefully it’ll be the big C that does it not the big SN 😂😂
 
ImsooDone1N

ImsooDone1N

Arcanist
Nov 22, 2018
609
8.5/10.00 Things are still really difficult, just had a better day yesterday than expected. It would be great to carry into today but- idk not much hope.
 
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J

jermainet

Member
Aug 7, 2022
15
I don't know if I could quantify it with a number, but a lot of time has passed on the clock. I feel I'm entering the red zone on the revs now, before the needle approaches 10.
 
H

Hope:-)

Specialist
Jul 3, 2022
394
10. I am beginning to accept that this is the situation that I am going to go through. How painful I find life is almost physically painful and I don't have anyone irl who can empathise or sympathise. However my plan is coming together in a very natural way so it feels right.
 
O

outrider567

Warlock
Apr 5, 2022
799
A 9 each day but yesterday and today, I'd say a 9.9, not sure why, just that recently I'm missing her lot more than I always miss her,I'm in a bit of a crisis mentally because of that today
 
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osako

osako

Everything all at once
Jul 30, 2022
179
5-10. I constantly think about it, bordering on obsessing.
It’s never out of my mind.
Some days I’m in the planning stage, others I’m ready to just do it.
 
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nys

nys

mors mihi lucrum
Jun 1, 2022
262
9.5
I want to do it but I can't bring myself to. I keep procrastinating for no reason and I'm pretty sure I'm never going to do it because of SI. So frustrating
 
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R

ratgirl40216

New Member
Aug 15, 2022
1
1 is very low suicidality, 10 is very extreme acute suicidality. I miss the old thread (which is deleted) that is way I want to revive him.

My suicidal thoughts today are a 4. I have some distractions and responsibilities which prevent more of these thoughts.
I guess I am at a 5. I feel like I am just existing, want to go to sleep and just not wake up
 
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LifeSucksDenWeDie

LifeSucksDenWeDie

I hate myself because of what I am not.
Apr 19, 2022
1,277
8. There's nothing to look forward to and nothing gives me pleasure anymore.
 
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ImsooDone1N

ImsooDone1N

Arcanist
Nov 22, 2018
609
9.50/10.00 - same as 24hours ago. No Change because nothing really happened / I didn't do anything, of all the things I have to do. Today will have to be a more productive day.
 
WheresMyMind

WheresMyMind

New Member
Aug 11, 2022
4
I would say 8-10, sometimes I'm enough calm tp forget that Iwant to ctb but it really takes a little to feel a full 10 were I would gladly drop dead instantly
 
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