I was likely set to die this previous weekend. I even started contacting friends to tell them what I loved about them
Then a couple days beforehand, a freak insane intervention occurred — suddenly solved nearly all my mental health problems. I assume this is a temporary solution, and am figuring out how to build a better grounding, before it's yanked from me again
Solid 8 , weather is depressing and chronic pain and the cramps that go with it are getting worse.
I'm thinking of inducing a coma with some sufentanil to finish it to make an eternal sleep. But need to rewrite my will and say goodbye to everyone. One more vacation and probably going to do it there since it's in the middle of nowhere therefore no interactions with people who can find me and try to 'save' me..
My emotional numbness is killing me. Friday night and literally have zero desire to do anything and really missing the desire to do things in general. But at the same time the numbness is also thwarting my suicidal thoughts.
So I'm at like a "logical" 7 but at an "emotional" 2.
Definitely at a 10 again tonight. The urges haven’t let up this week.
I’ve been begging for a break, just something good to happen.…then I finally heard back from an employer after applying to so many places, set up a phone interview today. I had all of my potential answers and questions written out, only for them to not even call me…the only thing I was looking forward to today.
One day I’ll finally learn to not get my hopes up.
around 6-7, I'm frustrated with where I'm at in life and feel incredibly insecure and worthless right now. I've been moving forward in my life from a terrible dark point in my life and it all seems so worthless now, like it was such a waste of time because at the end of the day I still feel unfulfilled. I'm envious of my friends who are experiencing good things happening to them, I try so fucking hard but everything seems so stupid. I don't think I can ever reach a breaking point, whenever I get dark it's like there's some omnipotent hand pulling back, something whispering into my ear to scare me of death, and then all I can do is sit there and stare into nothing. it's like I'm deliberately designed to only suffer, only in marginal amounts tho it's not like my life is in shambles or anything but like enough to where everything is hopeless.