• Welcome to SanctionedSuicide, a pro-choice forum for the discussion of mental illness and suicide. Please read our rules and our Principles.
    If you are in need of immediate support, please call the Samaritans hotline at (877) 870-4673, or check our recovery resources.

  • If you haven't yet, we highly encourage you to check out our Recovery Resources thread!
Reiraku

Reiraku

Member
Joined
May 5, 2020
Messages
69
Hey, I thought of giving this a try as well.
I am a 25 year old male from Germany and would really like someone to talk to, preferrably from Germany too, since my English isn't the best. My interests are anime/manga, video games, literature and firearms.
 
  • Like
Reactions: lex and cassie
WinterIsComing

WinterIsComing

Fragile...
Joined
May 27, 2019
Messages
255
Giraffey said:
I'm a 26-year-old male from England; with the accent to prove it; fighting his way through recovery to avoid CTB. I've suffered a few setbacks recently, but I'm feeling stronger than before and I now feel as though I've got enough strength to share with someone else who is also on their recovery journey.

What can I say about me other than that I'm an oddball? I work in the film industry and part-time as a hypnotherapist specialising in the treatment of somatoform disorders; and functional nausea and vomiting. I'm a good listener and a very unjudgemental person; my clients are often people who have been labelled as attention seekers or lost-causes - all too often those are labels given out by bombastic therapists who rigidly fail to connect and thus 'blame the patient' to spare their own ego. So I think of myself as a good problem-solver, I'm willing to listen and provide a different perspective on things to help someone on their journey to recovery.

My hobbies are equally eccentric. I'm currently studying dreams and consciousness and have a mini sleep lab set-up conducting my own research. My friends quite frequently ask me to interpret their dreams for them and I've conducted nightmare therapy before, so if you're interested in any of that you might find it hard to shut me up. I love all different kinds of music and art - I'm rubbish at drawing (as you can see from my avatar) but I still try...

It would be really nice to have someone to chat with regularly about anything suicidal or non-suicidal, someone to joke with about the funny things that happen in our day; to get excited about our progress and achievements and remind one another of our strengths when we are feeling weak. Honestly, I will talk to just about anyone who can put up with me, but if there's anyone here in the UK, that's a bonus.

So if you haven't been completely bored out of your mind reading this post then firstly, wow; you have the patience of a saint! Secondly, feel free to send me a PM and perhaps we'll be a good fit for recovery partners; you never know, it could lead to us both getting a new friend for life :)
Oh I wanted to pm you ;_;
 
Hollow2

Hollow2

The Answer is 42
Joined
Feb 16, 2021
Messages
14
24M- Minnesota

Looking for a second chance at life. Recently lost someone close to me, and not sure if I can do this alone. I still want to recover. Maybe lightning will strike me twice. Who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Anyways, have a great day to whoever reads this.
 
V

voyager (D)

Member
Joined
Jul 14, 2020
Messages
60
Amp666 said:
25, F, UK. It's a slippery slope..but I'm getting there. I hope.
Do you want to go up or down the slope, Amp?
 
S

Someonewhotypes

Member
Joined
Feb 15, 2021
Messages
12
Hi,

I'm a 25 yo girl from the eastern part of the EU. I've been self isolating for a year and thus I find myself reaching for people on the depths of the internet because I've constantly felt lonely. I'm not sure how I arrived here, as I'm not looking at suicide as an option (more like a fantasy), but the people on this forum seem really kind.
I'm also not actively into any sort of recovery besides regarding my physical health (which down-spiralled last year).
If anyone thinks that it would mutually benefit to talk/get a new friend, send me a message.
 
JusttryingtoDeal

JusttryingtoDeal

Member
Joined
Feb 21, 2021
Messages
11
48 M USA. Looking for someone to exchange recovery ideas as I am trying again with doctors and prescribed meds. I do not like therapists, strangers who share similar experiences are much more reliable!
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: Pookie and cassie
gus.nixon

gus.nixon

and now we rise and we are everywhere
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
299
49 yo male here from U.S. Just trying to change my perspective. I've been seriously suicidal since last April and I think about it every day.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: Pookie and cassie
throwaway123

throwaway123

Hell0
Joined
Aug 5, 2018
Messages
1,446
19 male Europe
message me and we can chat on discord or something.
I am absolutely destroyed but still trying to recover every single day.
I want to talk about the weirdness of life and death and it'll mostly just be CTB talk.
 
  • Like
Reactions: idonntseethepoint
L

luten

work, love, and learn
Joined
Feb 25, 2021
Messages
412
hi there, i am a 37 yr old male, from the west side , respekct! :smiling:. I have dealt with major issues in my life from an early age on, including childhood abuse, and witnessing two suicide attempts. I was also born with neurosurgical issues, which required ongoing surgery, but now there is nothing more that drs can do for me, except for prescribing medications. Lost my mother at a relatively young age due to cancer.

I have to continue to live my life, and in a productive manner, in pain, accepting my circumstances, or I could give-up. I feel it is inappropriate for me to commit suicide as I have been living under these circumstances for 37 years, yet it is a struggle, a day to day struggle. My future looks rather grim, but there is not much that I can do about it, except for doing my part. I have never tried to commit suicide before. I do not do illegal drugs, i don't smoke.

I love traveling (too much), music. My biggest love is for animals. I don't like complaining too much, as I feel that negativity leads to nothing but negativity. I really need to focus on survival. Maybe you can relate, maybe you also trying to make the best of your life, enjoying the little things. Maybe you want to connect, maybe not.
 
gus.nixon

gus.nixon

and now we rise and we are everywhere
Joined
Apr 19, 2020
Messages
299
Wish this thread was more active. I've met a lot of great people here and it's made me realize that we're all basically the same when we get to the point where death seems like the only option left. Some days I have no hope and I feel overwhelmed by life. Today I feel ok and I feel some hope so here I am again in the recovery partners thread. It would be great to develop a whole network for ourselves with suicide recovery being our main goal. A safe place where we can all devote our time to lifting each other up and listening and relating. I really do love you all.
 
K

KolK

Member
Joined
Nov 29, 2020
Messages
86
30s, Singapore.
I wish I get a little more support.
 
NeverSatisfied

NeverSatisfied

Experienced
Joined
Dec 28, 2020
Messages
223
22 yo US female. Looking for someone to talk to to be an active recovery partner with. I think sharing our traumas and past experiences is helpful and I also want someone I can talk to day-by-day and see how we're improving as we keep trucking along. There will be highs and lows for both of us and I accept that no matter how deep the rut gets or how long it goes on for- we'll get out of there. Basically, looking for someone active in their recovery to talk to about both past and progress.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Lalala
D

Debbie Northampton U

Student
Joined
Oct 22, 2020
Messages
101
45, UK. Would love partner/s near my age range and older.
 
  • Like
Reactions: EraseRewind
-Persephone-

-Persephone-

My broken body is a cage. Death is the key.
Joined
Mar 28, 2021
Messages
486
I'm a 29-year-old woman living in South England.

I almost died during my mother's pregnancy due to her unsuccessful attempts to abort me. My subsequent survival of an emergency, premature birth was considered a "miracle." I was born on the brink of death, with my intestines growing outside of my body and with brain damage that would later lead to a diagnosis of an incurable disability.

The few photos I have seen of myself post-birth show a tiny, fragile little being, mottled in shades of red and blue and barely conscious. I could fit neatly, like a wounded bird, in someone's hand.

I am one of those people that, based on probabilities, should have died. Most newborn babies in my position die, if they are ever born at all. Instead, with these many odds stacked against me, I lived. I not only regularly wish I hadn't been born, a cruel twist is that I wasn't meant to be here. I was not only unwanted, but so very close to death when I was cut from my mother's womb and "rescued."

Since that day, I have experienced abuse and terror that I am unable to fully articulate, because words do no justice. I was physically abused, sexually abused, tortured, forced to witness extreme violence, forced to witness animal cruelty, exposed to death, forced to consume vomit and excrement. Plus so much more.

I am sharing this because it is important for you to understand that suicidality has been a prominent part of my life for a very, very long time. The thoughts began at the age of 4. The intent began at age 9. I have tried to take my life through several different stages, at different ages. In an existence seemingly consisting of relentless suffering with no-one to turn to, suicide was like a friend with their hand on my shoulder, assuring me that they can make all of this agony, all of this abuse, all of these bleak series of events simply vanish.

My life has never felt like a "miracle." I have never felt "saved." I have felt broken and cursed and damaged. I live with incurable disabilities, chronic illnesses, complex PTSD and a dissociative disorder from the extensive trauma I have experienced.

This is my final attempt to recover and find some semblance of healing. I will give my very best effort, but cannot promise to succeed, only to do all I can.

I do not expect to "fully" recover, or to be free from my past. I will always have to carry my trauma on my shoulders. Right now, the weight of it cripples me. It's like an anchor keeping me forever frozen in one place. I want to transition to a position where I am more able to move forward with my trauma, rather than being permanently trapped by it. I want to be a better person because of my history, not in spite of it.

If you have read my post to this point, thank you so much for persevering and for giving your time to listen to a part of my story. I really appreciate it.

I am seeking to connect with others who are attempting to recover, particularly those who have also experienced abuse and trauma. This is not a requirement, but I feel survivors understand one another more deeply, in ways that can never truly be matched by those who haven't experienced repeated abuse and trauma. I am open to listening to your story if you would like to share what you have been through in life, but there is no expectation or pressure to do so.

While light-hearted chatting would be welcome, I am also interested in being able to be transparent about our feelings, our progress, our setbacks and our struggles. I am not seeking constant, forced positivity, motivational quotes, platitudes or pro-life rhetoric. I recognise these may be useful to some, but they are not for me. I want both parties to be able to freely discuss death, suicide and to give ourselves - and each other - permission to fuck up and get lost while navigating this long, complicated journey towards recovery. Let's get lost and find our way together.

All ages, genders, backgrounds and walks of life are very welcome to reach out. Our conversations would be strictly platonic please and I won't engage with anyone looking for more than friendship.

We can respond to one another at our own pace and not feel obligated to respond immediately or within a specific timeframe - moreso create a safe channel of communication where we can chat anytime, support one another, and reply in our more able moments.

Feel free to contact me anytime, and we can see if our aspirations, interests and views are aligned (and even if they are not, perhaps we can learn something new from each other).

I wish all of you the best in your own recovery :heart:
 
Last edited:
deadinsideforever

deadinsideforever

Member
Joined
Mar 31, 2021
Messages
31
45 non binary, UK trying desperately to want to be alive. Don’t mind any gender or age. Would love to find a friend
Have PTSD, medication resistant depression with manic episodes, fibromyalgia, arthritis and CFS. But I am also a brilliant listener!
 
Enabran255

Enabran255

Member
Joined
Oct 2, 2019
Messages
83
41 year old guy in the US.

I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for at least the last decade, kicked off by some brutal bullying in college that destroyed my life. These feelings have gotten worse in recent years, ever since I lost a close friend of mine in 2019. I knew her for several years, it was a painful experience of getting very close and then seeing things inexorably deteriorate over the last handful of years. The life situation my chronic long term depression had placed me in made me powerless to change anything or prevent our drifting apart.

In the time since she passed, I've made a few attempts at recovery but they haven't succeeded. These suffocating lockdowns going on all over the world have made it very difficult to meet new people and make friends. The thing I struggle the most with these days is the pronounced feeling of isolation and loneliness, which leads to bouts of sharp despair that bring me to the verge of tears.

It would be nice to make some new friends with shared interests, who are accepting and can empathize with the darker feelings of life I mentioned above. I am an emotional/empathic person and am good with supporting close/trusted friends in those areas.

As for my interests, I've watched a ton of anime over the years and still do, I probably qualify as a weeb. I used to game a lot, I haven't as much lately but in the past I played various titles like Stardew Valley, Splatoon, most of the Zeldas including botw, Terraria, and jrpgs. Some other things I'm into are programming, reading (mostly VNs in recent years) and music.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: LivedTooLong
S

sm20

Student
Joined
May 5, 2021
Messages
140
21M USA I had depression before my chronic health issues but now my depression is basically only about my health. I won't be able to say too much for the first few months because I'm sensitive to noise from hearing damage, and that needs a few more months to heal before the noise of typing doesn't bother me. I always assumed I'd kill myself so I always listened to music at max volumee not caring that I was hurting my ears. I now have tinnitus, a permanent ringing in my ears, hyperacusis, sensitivity to noise, tendinitis, wrist/finger inflammation problems from overexercising and that's about it. Balding too but I've given up on the idea of my appearance mattering since I can't exercise anymore. I should only have good news to share as the months go by and my hyperacusis and tendinitis improve, and once a cure for tinnitus/hyperacusis comes out.

My original reasons for depression was loneliness which I was somewhat able to overcome so I might have advise on that. Again I won't say much for the first few months but I can't commit suicide for a few months so I have no choice but to wait and see how I recover. Getting better is inevitable for me it's just a question of if it's worth the wait.
 
mochi_

mochi_

Member
Joined
Nov 30, 2020
Messages
7
34F in SoCal.

Fighting complex PTSD, depression, agoraphobia (anxiety), OCD.

I want friends to talk to, hang out with and also share recovery life experiences with, such as skydiving and scuba diving. I’m thinking of eventually getting a diving certificate. It’d be really nice to have someone who is also interested in diving (sky or the ocean, or even better, BOTH!).

Looking for a friend or even a GROUP of us so we can all just be there for each other. Group chat, meet, chill, eat, and be adventurous. Anyone outside of SoCal can also join us, we can do online movie nights, game together (Steam, PS), etc.

Open to all ages and gender. Let’s just be kind to each other and age and distance are not an issue.

What do you think?

Oh, and I really wanna go to the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit in LA, maybe October. I know it’s months away but I wanna go with someone, is possible. Would love to meet someone to get to know better till then and maybe we can go together (:
 
Last edited:
DireMortal

DireMortal

We live as we dream - alone.
Joined
Apr 19, 2021
Messages
25
worthlessnobody said:
34F in SoCal.

Fighting complex PTSD, depression, agoraphobia (anxiety), OCD.

I want friends to talk to, hang out with and also share recovery life experiences with, such as skydiving and scuba diving. I’m thinking of eventually getting a diving certificate. It’d be really nice to have someone who is also interested in diving (sky or the ocean, or even better, BOTH!).

Looking for a friend or even a GROUP of us so we can all just be there for each other. Group chat, meet, chill, eat, and be adventurous. Anyone outside of SoCal can also join us, we can do online movie nights, game together (Steam, PS), etc.

Open to all ages and gender. Let’s just be kind to each other and age and distance are not an issue.

What do you think?

Oh, and I really wanna go to the Immersive Van Gogh exhibit in LA, maybe October. I know it’s months away but I wanna go with someone, is possible. Would love to meet someone to get to know better till then and maybe we can go together (:
I'm 35 M living in SoCal
Dealing with depression, anhedonia

I took a scuba diving course in the Canary islands with my brother about 3 years ago. It was winter so the wildlife was not very active. I'd like to do scuba again. Would definitely need a refresher on using the gear and safety practices (plus my cert is probably expired). Also interested in trying skydiving.

The Van Gogh exhibit sounds cool. Is it at LACMA? I saw starry night and his self portrait in two different museums when I went to NYC. I liked the movie biography about him that was released a few years ago, did you see it?

Send a message if you'd like to chat
 
listeningpost1379

listeningpost1379

enduring winter
Joined
Apr 20, 2019
Messages
96
I'm a 28yo (29 in a few months) female expat in Australia. I am in a bad place mentally but really want to get better. In the past 1-2 years I have lost contact with all my friends so I'd love a friend to talk to. I'm looking for another woman, if you are in Aus we can even meet up for coffee or boba some time, if not no problem we can just chat. My energy level is abysmal but I love to listen to others and will try to talk.
 
  • Like
Reactions: jellybelly4
jellybelly4

jellybelly4

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
21
listeningpost1379 said:
I'm a 28yo (29 in a few months) female expat in Australia. I am in a bad place mentally but really want to get better. In the past 1-2 years I have lost contact with all my friends so I'd love a friend to talk to. I'm looking for another woman, if you are in Aus we can even meet up for coffee or boba some time, if not no problem we can just chat. My energy level is abysmal but I love to listen to others and will try to talk.
Hi there I would love to chat. I am a woman (24) but I live in the States.
 
Tav

Tav

Member
Joined
Apr 20, 2018
Messages
34
25M from Eastern Europe suffering from anhedonia, apathy, autism, and despite not being able to really have a friendship I am very lonely and would want some kind of friend/connection. I have almost nothing to say,(no interests, no hobbies, no motivation) so it would be nice to talk to someone who can relate/understand and support each other .
 
jellybelly4

jellybelly4

Member
Joined
Apr 23, 2019
Messages
21
24 female the south, United States. I’ve tried to recover but realized I need to make connections in order to keep myself here. I have been having trouble finding a ctb partner and had been going to therapy. I want to give it one last go before I gogo. I never have any luck in finding good chatmates but this site has made me at least feel safe and at home.
 
unperson

unperson

nontitle
Joined
May 8, 2021
Messages
123
So I'm looking for some conversation , but I'm not the most reliable person and don't want any pressure or expectations. So if you want to chat and are ok with the possibility that I will ghost the conversation, not on purpose, but because I'm very disorganized n shit, then send a pm. I'm basically a squirel, no one can predict the path lol... what else, uh 30 m, the us. ctb is kinda up in the air and years out if it happens, so i'll probably exist for a while whether i'm on the site or not. i like to talk about mental health stuff and know quite a bit, but not formally educated or anything like that.
 
Similar threads
Thread starter Title Forum Replies Date
AnxiousSchizoid Do you think religion is useful for recovery? Recovery 9
-Persephone- Discord server for SS members in recovery Recovery 6
JustJudah A few steps from recovery Recovery 2

Similar threads