S

S like suicide

Mage
Apr 29, 2021
534
Hello everybody:) I signed up on this site more than two months ago with the clear intention of finding a ctb partner and dying.I have been suffering from severe depression for many years and it has evolved over time to take it all away.I have attempted suicide several times during this year and last month I found my ctb partner and we have put in action our plan but we are still alive because he in front of death has found hope and changed his mind and me...well i have not succeeded to kill myself even though I had the chance to do it twice with sure death(don't ask me why,because I still don't understand why I failed...why i didn't do it).Three weeks ago I got out of my deep despair and I'm thinking that I could give my life another chance just because i'm not even able to kill me.So it's not like I'm really in recovery because I'm very unstable and I often struggle with suicidal thoughts and I feel lost,sad and trapped.But i would like to give it a try...I have no one to rely on ... or rather I have a family that I hate and makes me suffer a lot (I don't talk to them but unfortunately I depend on them financially),i don't have a life basically,it's a lot of time that i'm out of society.thanks to ss every now and then I exchange a few words with some members or former members on some social network and this has helped me a lot and helps me but they are few messages every now and then.I would really like to be able to make connections with someone maybe become friends because I feel the loneliest person in the universe and really loneliness is cruelly torturing and killing me I would like someone to chat with ... talk about anything, maybe support us each other.I am a listening and tolerant person ... I don't think I'm very interesting though.I'm 27 / F from Italy...It would also be nice to meet and maybe hang out together but it seems difficult ... maybe there is some Italian who is looking for a friend?I have been unlucky with chatmates before...i hope now i could find someone that is looking for the same thing,someone to talk and support each other.So...please Pm me.we can chat here on SS on on discord if you like.Thank you
 
R

reasonablylost

Member
Jul 18, 2021
34
28M Portugal

Hi folks. These last two years have been particularly hard but I'm willing to go on and I think I would benefit from having a mutually supportive partner.

I'm currently stuck and trying to figure out where to turn to. My only victory these last two years has been losing a lot of weight but I'm not done. If anyone wants to give me some pointers on weight lifting that would be great. I enjoy music a lot and I watch too many comedy podcasts. I play guitar sometimes, but to be honest I have stopped feeling joy from it.

I don't know what more to say, just that It would be nice to get at least one response. Thanks!
 
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H

HanginAround

Member
Jan 10, 2019
23
32 year-old male, in Florida, USA ....

I used to waiver in-and-out of suicidality on a daily basis. Now, it only comes every so often, like, with a few months in between.

I'd like to talk with someone about these things who has also gone through suicidal ideations or attempts like I have in the past. I'm still trying to recovery, it's a never ending thing.
 
nopointofliving

nopointofliving

Warrior
Apr 19, 2021
442
Hello everybody:) I signed up on this site more than two months ago with the clear intention of finding a ctb partner and dying.I have been suffering from severe depression for many years and it has evolved over time to take it all away.I have attempted suicide several times during this year and last month I found my ctb partner and we have put in action our plan but we are still alive because he in front of death has found hope and changed his mind and me...well i have not succeeded to kill myself even though I had the chance to do it twice with sure death(don't ask me why,because I still don't understand why I failed...why i didn't do it).Three weeks ago I got out of my deep despair and I'm thinking that I could give my life another chance just because i'm not even able to kill me.So it's not like I'm really in recovery because I'm very unstable and I often struggle with suicidal thoughts and I feel lost,sad and trapped.But i would like to give it a try...I have no one to rely on ... or rather I have a family that I hate and makes me suffer a lot (I don't talk to them but unfortunately I depend on them financially),i don't have a life basically,it's a lot of time that i'm out of society.thanks to ss every now and then I exchange a few words with some members or former members on some social network and this has helped me a lot and helps me but they are few messages every now and then.I would really like to be able to make connections with someone maybe become friends because I feel the loneliest person in the universe and really loneliness is cruelly torturing and killing me I would like someone to chat with ... talk about anything, maybe support us each other.I am a listening and tolerant person ... I don't think I'm very interesting though.I'm 27 / F from Italy...It would also be nice to meet and maybe hang out together but it seems difficult ... maybe there is some Italian who is looking for a friend?I have been unlucky with chatmates before...i hope now i could find someone that is looking for the same thing,someone to talk and support each other.So...please Pm me.we can chat here on SS on on discord if you like.Thank you
Can I apply for your friendship and sistership again :) Love you sister... all the best! <3
 
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raison_d'etre

raison_d'etre

a memory
Mar 30, 2021
28
l̸̨̾̉̃͂̀̽́̾̅͝i̶̡̙̻̼͎̻̞̗̯̊́̒̎̀͒͜f̶̥͚̘̘̺̏̂̑̊̔ę̸̠͍̩̬́͒͋̾̓̉̉̉̕ ̵̛͈͕̟̯̾̎̓̆͛̚͘w̵̘͛̽ḭ̴͋̋́̅̈́ţ̶̟̮̲̟͇̟̟̫̰̔͌͝͝h̶̨͖͎̔̏͛ͅ ̴̛̙͔̭͕̉̒͛̀̍͋͒͘͠t̸̖̻̤̟̃́̔̈́̆̔̈́͘ĥ̴̢̨̘̝͙͓̲̔̏̈́͗̊͌̅̒́ḙ̴̞͔̺̊̅̋̚̕͝͠͝ ̸̯̣͚͓̜̯͕͂̉̑̂̐k̷̖̼̈́n̷̛̟̪͉͈̬̈ö̸̢̲̬̟̪̩̰̪͝͝w̸̓̈́͋̈́͒̈́̄̚ͅl̶̬̎͆́̅̓̇̄̚͜͝e̴̩̥̠̱͗̃̇͠ď̵͈͛̒g̷̳͇̘͙͈̭͊̽̓̎͒é̴̤͓̯̪̒͗̋͑̒͠ ̸̘̗̤̹̱̩̖͑͜ǫ̸̗̣͍̥̭̤̪͇͗̑̉́̊͋f̵̨̨̛̩͔̪͇̥̺͕̍̃̈́͜͝ ̷̤͈͙̫̔͗̂͛͜͝ḏ̶̉̾̒̽e̸̪̗͌̐́̑à̶̢̩͎̪͖̼͂́͊͂͘͜t̴̛̛̞̞͕̜̳̗̥̻̉́̄̾̊̋͘ͅh̷̩͇̤̄̉̓́͒̀͂͂͘͜͜͝ ̷͍͚͌̌i̴̟̦̥̖̩͖̱͚̐̽͐s̷̨͓̭͈̬͖̟̝͇͑̔͒̾́ ̶̡̦̦̫̲̯͕̌̿́î̷̪̱͑͒̈̃͛͌͝n̴̛̪s̴̻̍͒͋ä̷̝͍̻͛̊ņ̶͓͖͔̘̩́̀͊̎̃̇i̸͙̅̓͐̚͝͝ṯ̴͈̔y̷̢̡̛̩̬͇̼̬͎̳̍̈́,̷̨͙͚̦̱͑̌̀ ̶̨͈̬͚͓̤̻̮̮́̈́́̕͝w̷͈͕̃̃̃́̿͆̓͐͐͘e̷̢̫̝̝̮͔͓͔̹̋̍͗̊͂͒̕ ̴͍̤̖̬̯̠̮̭̌̂̎̂͋̈̾͘͝ͅl̷̺͎̠̙͚̥͖̥̊̎͌̈́̆͒î̴̡̟̳́̌̂́͗̚ͅv̷̗͓͎̫̣̍̎e̴̠̩͛̓͐̌̾ ̶̲̰͙̻͒̆̀̎́̏̀̉̍ṯ̸̙͂̏͐͑̍̓͛́͂ơ̷̢̢̨̠̬̰̞̰̓̿̇̀͋̇̒̃̕ͅ ̸̮̂͌̄͝l̴̨̩͉͈͔̟̞̒e̴̹͋̿͗̐̈́̎̄ḁ̷̧̼͐͑̊͒̌͗̄̕͘͜ͅr̴͕̈́̐͗̃̕͘͝n̶̨͇̱̰̣͕̏͑̉̉̈́̅ ̴̞̂̂̌̇̈̾͠͝w̴̨̨̨̮̙̹̩̘̲̹͗̊e̷̢̜̽͋͒͘͘͜͠ ̴̼͑̑d̵̡̛͍͈̣̳̺̄͒̇̾̐ì̶͉̠̭̩̥̼͖̦̇͑̓̀̓ͅe̴̥̿͛̏̕ ̵̪̼͇̟͖̰͍͉͚̇͒̌̑̍̿̈́͌ŏ̷̧̫̰̮̊v̴̝̘̩̖́̓͑̒́̓̊̎̈́ḙ̸̭̺̰͇͈̯̠̣̟͐̃̐͒͋͝r̶̛͔͓͔̭̝̲͈̈͆̿́̆̚ ̴͎͍̫̱͑ͅȃ̸͖̲̲̫̓̓̐̿̓̊̿͒̚ṋ̵̛̛̣̫͍́̈͊͋͌͝d̵̳̜̀͆̉͆͗͋̍̍͝͝ ̶̨͖̲͔̖͖̞̺̼̝̈́͊͊͗̍͆͑̈́͘ǭ̶̹͓͇̜̆̍̅͒͝ͅv̷̮̥͉̤͇̺̹̾́͋͂́̇͂͂͘ē̷̠̐̌̔̚ṛ̷͈̪̖̙̐̆͛̀̑͜͝

19M looking for anyone who wants to talk, i want real conversation, not just a quick 1 sentence message without any thought and then disappearing, then retreating me to memory as if i never existed. i want deep conversations with people of similar downfall descent in life with heavy substance use, to PTSD, or deathly abusive family members. anyone who can understand me, and the things i do

ȃ̶̡͚̙͙́̐͐̒̑̄̚̕n̷̡̻͉̜̠̱̊̄́͑͝ỵ̸͕̒̇͒͆͗͗̈́̂̚o̷̗͎̘̟͐̈̓̊n̴͎͈̠̏͘e̷̙̿̈ ̸̝̌̉͗͊p̸̡̗̖̫̼̓̇́̽͜ļ̷͕̤͚̗̠̽̂̆͜è̴̢̞͚͈̫̦̋̈͐͜͝ấ̷̧̠̝͕͇͖̓̈́ş̶̰̖̫͈̙̝̬̝̈́̊̑̀̇̾̈͝ͅȇ̵̥̾̎͆͘͜͝
 

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Rhaiyne

Rhaiyne

"To be - or not to be.... That is the question"
Jul 4, 2021
107
I wish there were other oldies in here. :(
I'm a bit of an oldie... depending how i feel... hahahaha... I'm 48...UK....
45 non binary, UK trying desperately to want to be alive. Don’t mind any gender or age. Would love to find a friend
Have PTSD, medication resistant depression with manic episodes, fibromyalgia, arthritis and CFS. But I am also a brilliant listener!
Hmm... I can relate to fibro and arthritis... really shit...
 
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T

tabletop

Member
Oct 8, 2019
62
34 male. Great Lakes region of USA. Probably pointless for me to say the region cause it's not like there is anyone close enough to potentially become local real life friends.

But yeah I could totally go for some penpaling. Not necessarily an every day thing though. Maybe more like weekly.
 
T

tico

New Member
Sep 12, 2021
1
32m in the U.S. I don’t know. Might be nice to chat with someone. Stuck in that awful place most people here probably understand, between ctb and trying to go on.
 
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Volo vent

Volo vent

Member
Sep 20, 2021
28
22 years old, south america
I have been really isolated of all during my last years with few exceptions and dealing with physical and mental problems i can talk about anything i just want to have someome to share some words
 
OrcWitch

OrcWitch

Specialist
Sep 3, 2021
357
28f, USA

Hello. I decided after a lot of thought that I will not CTB soon and am instead going to try recovery for some more years, maybe until my mid 30s for things to turn around. I figure if I have made it almost 29 years, I can do it for some more. I'm not going to hold onto any materials for CTB. I would like to find a recovery partner but I am not in a hurry. I would like someone who is around my age and is transgender, who is also wanting to recover.

I would like if we speak to each other in PMs for some time before calling it safe. I would prefer talking over discord if we exchange contact. You are free to dig through my short post history to figure out if we are a good match or not. If my instincts tell me something feels off about you, I'm going to have to stop speaking. Sorry in advance but I'm very guarded

I can provide:
-decent listening skills
-someone to talk to
-generally open minded and relaxed
-gentle towards people
-pretty honest and authentic to people I trust, I don't mind telling them if I disagree with them

I can't:
-be a 24/7 therapist, I reach emotional exhaustion at some point if it's excessive, but very few people have made me feel that
-competently talk you out of mental health crises, I'll say what I can but I'm not trained for that
-tolerate emotional abuse, manipulation or threats
-rescue or save anyone
-tolerate bigotry or hate towards various groups

I would like to support each other. I don't have much of a life so I'm easy to contact, however much we speak depends on what you want but I do need alone time throughout the week.

PM me if interested
 
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D

DthrowawayA

Member
Sep 17, 2021
6
l̸̨̾̉̃͂̀̽́̾̅͝i̶̡̙̻̼͎̻̞̗̯̊́̒̎̀͒͜f̶̥͚̘̘̺̏̂̑̊̔ę̸̠͍̩̬́͒͋̾̓̉̉̉̕ ̵̛͈͕̟̯̾̎̓̆͛̚͘w̵̘͛̽ḭ̴͋̋́̅̈́ţ̶̟̮̲̟͇̟̟̫̰̔͌͝͝h̶̨͖͎̔̏͛ͅ ̴̛̙͔̭͕̉̒͛̀̍͋͒͘͠t̸̖̻̤̟̃́̔̈́̆̔̈́͘ĥ̴̢̨̘̝͙͓̲̔̏̈́͗̊͌̅̒́ḙ̴̞͔̺̊̅̋̚̕͝͠͝ ̸̯̣͚͓̜̯͕͂̉̑̂̐k̷̖̼̈́n̷̛̟̪͉͈̬̈ö̸̢̲̬̟̪̩̰̪͝͝w̸̓̈́͋̈́͒̈́̄̚ͅl̶̬̎͆́̅̓̇̄̚͜͝e̴̩̥̠̱͗̃̇͠ď̵͈͛̒g̷̳͇̘͙͈̭͊̽̓̎͒é̴̤͓̯̪̒͗̋͑̒͠ ̸̘̗̤̹̱̩̖͑͜ǫ̸̗̣͍̥̭̤̪͇͗̑̉́̊͋f̵̨̨̛̩͔̪͇̥̺͕̍̃̈́͜͝ ̷̤͈͙̫̔͗̂͛͜͝ḏ̶̉̾̒̽e̸̪̗͌̐́̑à̶̢̩͎̪͖̼͂́͊͂͘͜t̴̛̛̞̞͕̜̳̗̥̻̉́̄̾̊̋͘ͅh̷̩͇̤̄̉̓́͒̀͂͂͘͜͜͝ ̷͍͚͌̌i̴̟̦̥̖̩͖̱͚̐̽͐s̷̨͓̭͈̬͖̟̝͇͑̔͒̾́ ̶̡̦̦̫̲̯͕̌̿́î̷̪̱͑͒̈̃͛͌͝n̴̛̪s̴̻̍͒͋ä̷̝͍̻͛̊ņ̶͓͖͔̘̩́̀͊̎̃̇i̸͙̅̓͐̚͝͝ṯ̴͈̔y̷̢̡̛̩̬͇̼̬͎̳̍̈́,̷̨͙͚̦̱͑̌̀ ̶̨͈̬͚͓̤̻̮̮́̈́́̕͝w̷͈͕̃̃̃́̿͆̓͐͐͘e̷̢̫̝̝̮͔͓͔̹̋̍͗̊͂͒̕ ̴͍̤̖̬̯̠̮̭̌̂̎̂͋̈̾͘͝ͅl̷̺͎̠̙͚̥͖̥̊̎͌̈́̆͒î̴̡̟̳́̌̂́͗̚ͅv̷̗͓͎̫̣̍̎e̴̠̩͛̓͐̌̾ ̶̲̰͙̻͒̆̀̎́̏̀̉̍ṯ̸̙͂̏͐͑̍̓͛́͂ơ̷̢̢̨̠̬̰̞̰̓̿̇̀͋̇̒̃̕ͅ ̸̮̂͌̄͝l̴̨̩͉͈͔̟̞̒e̴̹͋̿͗̐̈́̎̄ḁ̷̧̼͐͑̊͒̌͗̄̕͘͜ͅr̴͕̈́̐͗̃̕͘͝n̶̨͇̱̰̣͕̏͑̉̉̈́̅ ̴̞̂̂̌̇̈̾͠͝w̴̨̨̨̮̙̹̩̘̲̹͗̊e̷̢̜̽͋͒͘͘͜͠ ̴̼͑̑d̵̡̛͍͈̣̳̺̄͒̇̾̐ì̶͉̠̭̩̥̼͖̦̇͑̓̀̓ͅe̴̥̿͛̏̕ ̵̪̼͇̟͖̰͍͉͚̇͒̌̑̍̿̈́͌ŏ̷̧̫̰̮̊v̴̝̘̩̖́̓͑̒́̓̊̎̈́ḙ̸̭̺̰͇͈̯̠̣̟͐̃̐͒͋͝r̶̛͔͓͔̭̝̲͈̈͆̿́̆̚ ̴͎͍̫̱͑ͅȃ̸͖̲̲̫̓̓̐̿̓̊̿͒̚ṋ̵̛̛̣̫͍́̈͊͋͌͝d̵̳̜̀͆̉͆͗͋̍̍͝͝ ̶̨͖̲͔̖͖̞̺̼̝̈́͊͊͗̍͆͑̈́͘ǭ̶̹͓͇̜̆̍̅͒͝ͅv̷̮̥͉̤͇̺̹̾́͋͂́̇͂͂͘ē̷̠̐̌̔̚ṛ̷͈̪̖̙̐̆͛̀̑͜͝

19M looking for anyone who wants to talk, i want real conversation, not just a quick 1 sentence message without any thought and then disappearing, then retreating me to memory as if i never existed. i want deep conversations with people of similar downfall descent in life with heavy substance use, to PTSD, or deathly abusive family members. anyone who can understand me, and the things i do

ȃ̶̡͚̙͙́̐͐̒̑̄̚̕n̷̡̻͉̜̠̱̊̄́͑͝ỵ̸͕̒̇͒͆͗͗̈́̂̚o̷̗͎̘̟͐̈̓̊n̴͎͈̠̏͘e̷̙̿̈ ̸̝̌̉͗͊p̸̡̗̖̫̼̓̇́̽͜ļ̷͕̤͚̗̠̽̂̆͜è̴̢̞͚͈̫̦̋̈͐͜͝ấ̷̧̠̝͕͇͖̓̈́ş̶̰̖̫͈̙̝̬̝̈́̊̑̀̇̾̈͝ͅȇ̵̥̾̎͆͘͜͝
Hey....for some reason i cant DM people....would you mind DMing me?
 
G

Grav

Student
Jul 26, 2020
191
53M Wisconsin. I'm open for contact if anyone wants to chat. I work off hours so my screen time is weird so more of "penpal" situation would work for me, although correspondence could be multiple times a day. I'm not doctor so understand that. Not a super exciting person but I'm always eager to talk (bent a cop's ear about police stuff for 40min when he pulled me over).
 
J

j0n4th4n

Member
Aug 27, 2021
6
hi, 19m from Texas (United States), joined a couple months ago, been a lurker. requesting/offering help? i'm trying to find someone who can be in a friendship with me where we help each other out. uni sucks and theres too many ppl breezing by to properly get to know them, it would take ages to find someone who i can open up to about this. there's plenty of ppl online to chat with but i'm really trying to find someone irl. it's not that i don't have friends, it's that i don't feel close enough to these people, they would never understand, they have never been sad, they're always so bubbly and i can't ruin that. in any case, hmu, even if this post gets buried and you're seeing it a month late, idc, just be relatively close to my age.
 
Ren Elsie Jewelria

Ren Elsie Jewelria

I sneezed!
Aug 30, 2020
380
So, recommended by one of the other users, I'm here. Hello. I'm from Poland but posting from TOR, so no rat can put me in a loony bin. 40 y-o, amateur drawer, love comic-books, anime, manga nad cartoons.
 
Enabran255

Enabran255

Member
Oct 2, 2019
95
41 year old guy in the US.

I've been struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts for at least the last decade, kicked off by some brutal bullying in college that destroyed my life. These feelings have gotten worse in recent years, ever since I lost a close friend of mine in 2019. I knew her for several years, it was a painful experience of getting very close and then seeing things inexorably deteriorate over the last handful of years. The life situation my chronic long term depression had placed me in made me powerless to change anything or prevent our drifting apart.

In the time since she passed, I've made a few attempts at recovery but they haven't succeeded. These suffocating lockdowns going on all over the world have made it very difficult to meet new people and make friends. The thing I struggle the most with these days is the pronounced feeling of isolation and loneliness, which leads to bouts of sharp despair that bring me to the verge of tears.

It would be nice to make some new friends with shared interests, who are accepting and can empathize with the darker feelings of life I mentioned above. I am an emotional/empathic person and am good with supporting close/trusted friends in those areas.

As for my interests, I've watched a ton of anime over the years and still do, I probably qualify as a weeb. I used to game a lot, I haven't as much lately but in the past I played various titles like Stardew Valley, Splatoon, most of the Zeldas including botw, Terraria, and jrpgs. Some other things I'm into are programming, reading (mostly VNs in recent years) and music.

I'm feeling a lot of despair lately, like life has definitively passed me by and it's too late to try anymore. But stupid me for some reason is still making these attempts, even though this previous attempt above from six months ago garnered zero interest.

I figure it may help to add a little more details. I've never really had an easy time making friends my whole life. That previous close friend of mine I got to know and who passed away, we got along well because we had some core shared passions, namely gaming and anime. The other thing that really helped was we could relate with each other very well from our almost identical life situations.

I've been NEET most of my adult life thanks to being a bit socially awkward and having mild aspergers, and thus haven't experienced the numerous rites of passage most have by my age. My life progress basically ground to a halt in college. It follows that my attempts to befriend others inevitably lays bare that gaping rift and things die at that point.

Maybe these words resonated with someone.
 
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B

Blue_mist

Member
Apr 14, 2021
52
In desperate need of a friend. Any one from Northern Ontario? I'm 37 m
 
B

Beeper

Experienced
Sep 28, 2021
228
I'm feeling a lot of despair lately, like life has definitively passed me by and it's too late to try anymore. But stupid me for some reason is still making these attempts, even though this previous attempt above from six months ago garnered zero interest.

Hey @Enabran255 ,

I hope you had an enjoyable weekend.

I’ve also been dealing with a lot of despair, and generally have been pretty down about how life has ended up.

It takes great strength to be in recovery. I applaud your efforts reaching out to people.

Where are you from? I’m in the US.
 
Enabran255

Enabran255

Member
Oct 2, 2019
95
Hey @Enabran255 ,

I hope you had an enjoyable weekend.

I’ve also been dealing with a lot of despair, and generally have been pretty down about how life has ended up.

It takes great strength to be in recovery. I applaud your efforts reaching out to people.

Where are you from? I’m in the US.
Thanks. I sent you a PM response.
 
L

LoBea

Member
Oct 27, 2021
7
25/F/USA.
Would be cool to chat with other women of all ages about all different subjects including recovery. Maybe build a group chat?
PM for discord info.
I would love to be involved in this group. I can't PM you, apparently. It may be because I'm new.