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CyanideSoup

CyanideSoup

Memento mori
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
464
Hi! As a member who is currently (slowly) working towards recovery I would like to use this post as a venting space. Mainly to talk about difficulties I'm facing, worries and frustrations about recovery, and just anything in general that feels fitting to this part of the forum.

I know there are venting threads throughout the site already but sometimes it doesn't feel like the right place to post. There are a lot of detailed accounts of trauma and suicide in those threads and it would feel wrong to then post about my recovery. I wouldn't want to trigger anyone or be triggered. I often come here with so much I need to let out but I never know where to say it.

I will probably use this post quite a lot, please feel free to use this space to scream into the void too haha.
 
mossball

mossball

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2021
Messages
47
This sounds like a good idea, it's not like recovery is a walk in the park too. I know I'm still so conflicted with it. I hope you're having a good or tolerable day today.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

I want to sleep for an eternity
Joined
Sep 24, 2020
Messages
4,781
I wish you the best with your recovery. I hope things work out for you.
 
CyanideSoup

CyanideSoup

Memento mori
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
464
I knew that recovery wasn't easy, but damn I didn't realise how hard it would be. I always thought that I'd have this life-changing epiphany moment, my entire world view would change and then my recovery would begin. But the only thing powering my drive to recover is my stubbornness. I never considered how exhausting it would be... Hopefully the end goal will make it all worth it.
 
Garbage Person

Garbage Person

Eating snowflakes with plastic forks
Joined
Jan 17, 2020
Messages
300
CyanideSoup said:
I always thought that I'd have this life-changing epiphany moment
Same deal here. It seems like the only epiphany I have is on a weekly basis and it's always how little I've accomplished and how I'm going nowhere fast. I don't know what to do. I guess this is my own recovery, a simple one where surviving each day is a small win. Maybe that's all it will ever be. The only real hope I have is that it might someday blossom into something more than this. For now, I just have this feeling that's telling me "hey man, don't give up the ghost yet." I sometimes feel myself slipping and scoffing at this feeling.
 
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CyanideSoup

CyanideSoup

Memento mori
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
464
Today is one of those "I hate everyone and everything, especially myself" days. Nothings going right. I'm stressed and I've got so many things to do that my brain is short circuiting. And it's all stuff that functional people can do so why am I so fucking useless all the time. Recovery feels a million miles away at the best of times but right now it's none existant. All I want to do is lay in bed and cry.
 
CyanideSoup

CyanideSoup

Memento mori
Joined
Oct 1, 2019
Messages
464
What's the point.
 

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