Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,570
Before you continue reading I must warn you: very few people will understand my point of view. The most problable think is you will strongly disagree with what I'm going to say and think I'm crazy or very young for having a solid vision of reality. This is a very philisofic post. And my longest yet.

I was talking with somebody. She told me that maybe life would be worthy if you have a goal, something that keeps you going. And I disagreed. I will explain why suicide is for me the first option, why I think determination is a curse and why I think suicidal thoughts are something positive.

You see, I used to be like that. Motivated in the difficult moments, believing that it is worth it, with a firm determination. But the years broke me, victim of my own motivation. I realized with time the futility of staying determined. My goals would not be met given my situation, everything would go wrong. And even if I reach them, it's really so good for dnduring with all this pain? Why convince me that it was worth fighting for something to continue with all this, when I was clearly unhappy? What sense would it have? As of today, I do not feel determination.

Nothing motivates me and I have no goal, neither personal nor professional. I do not even want to go out on the street. There were very few things I enjoyed doing and I lost interest in all of them. I hsrdy tried to interest me in many things, without success. My lack of taste makes me think that I am very uninteresting, and possibly, no social relationship in the future will succeed. The cinema bores me, reading puts me to sleep, art seems empty, I've never found music that I like. No. Just nothing.

Goals do not help at all: on the contrary. I think they only blind and keep us going, but where's the point? The truth is nothing and nobody will be able to make this nonsense worthwhile. Everything bad is far superior to good. Nobody should believe that something like this is worth it, because if we stop to think carefully, it isn't. For no one. Not only me. While there is still motivation, something to fight for, people will be trapped, believing that they are happy because of the few moments that really are, or believing that all this has been worthwhile.

Being objective, life is bad for everyone. People manage to convince themselves that they are fighting for something, without really being aware of the weight of their situation. But not me. I can not think so, and of course, I do not want to. We were all in the non-existence, as really everything should continue, until that anomaly arose: the life My life is in my hands and I am able to decide to finish it.

For strange it can sound being suicidal is a privilege because it makes you be able to think and go further, gives you the freedom to see everything in a more objective way, and makes you aware that dying is in fact escaping and putting a solution to that error called existence.

Almost all life forms with a nervous system or consciousness suffer. Human or animal. Non-existence is the only thing that can go well. The absence of suffering, the most absolute peace we can imagine. And that includes me.

Having a goal would only slow me down and be a bad thing for me. Everything, absolutely everything, for one reason or another, is shitty. And I think that living longer is to make things silly. It is better to be suicidal from a young age, not as people believe. The sooner it is done, the better. And for this, I cannot agree with people who wants to give theirselves another chance or who encourages somebody to keep living. I don't think anything is so strong to be worth it. For me, for you or for nobody.

Because of this I am a total anti-natalist and I wish that the whole planet died in its entirety. This is the reason why I consider all the parents of the world criminals who remain committed to bringing more souls here blinded by their vision of reality, their goals that lead to more unnecessary suffering. No father should be.

Sorry parents, it wasn't an attack. I'll just tell you that I will not extend this anymore. If I'm still alive, it's just out of prudence: everything must be perfect at the last moment. You shouldn't feel bad when somebody dies. If now somebody said goodbye, you should look at this and you mustn't be sad anymore. You would be happy for them. And you should do it. Suicide is not an error, or something negative. In my opinion, it is the best way to die, at the hands of oneself, putting an end to everything with dignity as owners of our own destiny.

No. I will not live anymore. Although I understand what you can think I'm wrong or possesed by my own darkness, I believe the opposite. And I think goals do not bring anything good. Nothing can be worth it in such a world. Prolonging things is a mistake. And that's it.

P.S. Yes, I'm sober.
 
Tiburcio

Tiburcio

Voluntary deletion.
May 9, 2018
1,570
Pff I'm going to receive such a wave of hate...
 
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Temporarilyabsurd

Temporarilyabsurd

NOISE:signal
Apr 27, 2018
439
We can't think our way out of bad feelings man .

I'm 54 , and I'm just getting to grips , ( after 30 yrs of liquor ) with thinking and feeling .

All that emotional damage and trauma ....


jesus .


I cannot help thinking that you are reversing the result and the cause ?

Clarity from suicidal thinking v Suicidal thinking from clarity .


Also ... isn't this 'catastrophising' ??

Drawing the worst possible conclusions from data ?

I'm just responding ... God knows great philosophers agree with you ...

Life is a suffering engine and was created by a demon , most likely , ( thats my negative superstition ) ...

But then sometimes in my bipolarish way I feel kind of ok .

Most probably as a trickster feedback deception by said demon .... just to keep me here , hanging on another day to feed the suffering battery more tomorrow , or later today .

Or maybe I'm just making a shitty model of reality ?
 
Justanotherconsumer

Justanotherconsumer

Paragon
Jul 9, 2018
974
It certainly makes you think twice about marriage and bringing children into the world. I can remember at the age of 3 being extremely distressed how I just didn't want life or have to live it, it makes me wonder if reincarnation isn't possible if somehow I was forced to live another unwanted life.
 
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Deleted member 847

Guest
Existence wouldn't be bad if the rules of the universe would be slightly different, this is why I hope this life is just an illusion and after I die I'll wake up into some kind of lucid dream world. But yes this world as it is sucks. There are moments of recreation after the pain you endure that might make you think it was worth it, but it's not. It takes you months or years to learn a skill or achieve something and after you get it, you get bored of it and want something bigger. I sometimes review my day before going to bed, and I see myself eating, masturbating and watching nonsense on youtube. I'm basically useless and worthless and I should have no desire to preserve my existence but whenever I try to hang myself I panic and try to justify why my life is still worth living regardless of how unproductive and melancholic it is.