Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
704
Yesterday I posted on Facebook for the first time in about five years. And I also tried to reconnect with people on Instagram with limited, mixed results.

I'm not sure why I did it. Probably because I'm sick of hiding away and also because I'm isolated so badly here that I am struggling so much with loneliness. After my post, 30 people came forward to greet me happily. I responded to each person cordially and warmly, but it was unsatisfactory because my life is still significantly worse than when I stopped posting and I know it. Although people were happy to see me, I knew deep down they were all fair weather friends who would not like to hear about my chronic, unmitigating sources of suffering.

Choosing to re-engage with people who are living a relatively normal life when the quality of yours is utter dogshit is a terribly difficult choice because you now have to offer a version of yourself that isn't miserable everyday just so other people don't feel uncomfortable around you. It also means walling off huge parts of yourself so that people can't jump to erroneous conclusions about your misery, which often include blaming you for your own problems or developing a false narrative about events in your life. Also I was bombarded with baby pictures (although I didn't mind that part and am happily child free).

It should go without saying the discussion or mentioning of any iota to do with suicide/euthanasia is entirely out of the question. If you want engagement in the real world, you play for keeps and that means acting like you're not suicidal. I don't make these rules, but unfortunately that's just the way it is. Folks would rather deem you a problem when you talk about it openly and later feign shock/concern when you're dead than actually hear about it. Believe me.
 
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A

absurd_to_the_end

Member
Feb 1, 2020
23
You described that so well. For me, it's like that with co-workers. Of course I have to communicate with them, but do I completely wall off my personal life from them, or do I let them in a little, in which case I then have to make sure I only leak out the good parts (or outright lie if there are none), in order to maintain that facade of having a 'normal' life.

Example: Them: "What did you do over the holidays?" Me: (real answer): "Nothing, as I have no close family or friends to spend holidays with." Me (answer I give): "I visited my brother for holiday dinner, then attended a party put on a by a friend."

That said, I think it's good to at least try to reconnect with people - a part of you wants that. And you never know - one of those people may end up being more than a fair weather friend.
 
Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
704
Example: Them: "What did you do over the holidays?" Me: (real answer): "Nothing, as I have no close family or friends to spend holidays with." Me (answer I give): "I visited my brother for holiday dinner, then attended a party put on a by a friend."
I totally get that facade of normality. It's like I don't want them to have to feel just how fucked up my life actually is. These days I've even gone so far as to just fabricate an answer that is totally not true just to keep the peace and not create awkwardness with people I encounter irl. I don't particularly enjoy lying but it is what it is.
 
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Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
1,304
There's almost like an Overton Window of acceptable emotional discourse on social media. People with reasonably sheltered lives will be unable to engage at the pitch-black level of suicidal ideation, either due to being unable to relate, or fearing being dragged down a rabbit hole themselves. Hence the taboo. I suspect that rare people in euphoric states would also have no audience on social media.

We can be faced with a choice of repressing our emotional state in order to pretend to fit in with normies, or else engaging with those in a similarly dark pit of despair who will offer much-sought validation, but without any sort of a pathway out. If there's a genuine solution, it would involve finding a rare breed who have found genuine insights and are in a position to help others achieve the same.
 
A

Angi

Experienced
Jan 4, 2022
243
There's almost like an Overton Window of acceptable emotional discourse on social media. People with reasonably sheltered lives will be unable to engage at the pitch-black level of suicidal ideation, either due to being unable to relate, or fearing being dragged down a rabbit hole themselves. Hence the taboo. I suspect that rare people in euphoric states would also have no audience on social media.

We can be faced with a choice of repressing our emotional state in order to pretend to fit in with normies, or else engaging with those in a similarly dark pit of despair who will offer much-sought validation, but without any sort of a pathway out. If there's a genuine solution, it would involve finding a rare breed who have found genuine insights and are in a position to help others achieve the same.
I agree with the first part of your post, for the second I think there is a third option: You can cultivate little islands of a functioning (read socially acceptable) life and self, and share only about those. This requires hiding most of yourself, but at least it lets you share some, even without finding the rare breed. For example, you could have a lovely cat and talk about them. Our you could talk about you efforts in cooking, for example.
 
Mixolydian

Mixolydian

Warlock
Aug 2, 2020
704
people in euphoric states would also have no audience on social media.
Why would you think this? People are very quick to put their happiness on display via social media and that would include euphoria levels of life happiness over job/family/kids/possessions/etc.
 
Pluto

Pluto

Meowing to go out
Dec 27, 2020
1,304
Yes, the name of the game is normal ups and downs with a strong (and misleading) bias towards showing off highlights.

But just as taboos cause us to need dedicated websites for discussing states of distress, the same is true for profound states such as nondual experiences, spiritual insights and near-death experiences.