AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
690
I'd like to speak to others who were indoctrinated as children into a fringe fundamentalist religion.

I am the daughter of a former head of a violent religious sect. Let's talk, please. Tell me how you're doing?

Peace.
 
T

thisplaceisaprison

Member
Mar 20, 2019
60
Violent religious sect? I’d like to know more about that. I was raised in church and when my school and subsequently church found out I was gay I was berated by a bunch of kids then until I graduated high school - I always wish I had came out after graduation instead because most guys did and didn’t deal with it in school/church coming out after 18.
 
zeroornothing

zeroornothing

Enlightened
Jun 22, 2021
1,038
I dont know if what I went through is abuse but I was heavily indoctrinated into religious world view that I cant break away from. It makes it like impossible for me to think any differently. It makes me unable to ctb because I cant shake of the stories in my head about what happens after death. It is detrimental to my goal now and I dont have any solution for it
 
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Yes I was indoctrinated into Mormonism since birth. I don't know if it fits your definition , but it is a very mentally and emotionally controlling religion. It would not have been quite so bad if they didn't hate gay people at the time. They still are anti-gay doctrinally but have improved somewhat socially in that regard. My only preference for my funeral is that it be not a religious service.
 
9BBN

9BBN

Student
Mar 29, 2021
116
Relate to a lot of this. I wouldn't say I was physically abused but it messed with my mental/emotional state. Also strongly prefer my funeral not be religious at all, I totally get that, it was the one thing I wanted when I was more serious about ctb. I draft ctb notes and half of it is just me trying to explain why I left the religion and why they should too. It clears my thoughts but I don't think I can change anyone. It sucks to try to recover from something in which your family and friends don't see any harm. In fact THEY think THEY know better. And it sucks even more to know they'll probably be indoctrinated for life, and raise kids that way. To answer your question, how I'm doing now is a lot better than in January. Recovering requires not just getting better but finding new community.
 
AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
690
Violent religious sect? I’d like to know more about that. I was raised in church and when my school and subsequently church found out I was gay I was berated by a bunch of kids then until I graduated high school - I always wish I had came out after graduation instead because most guys did and didn’t deal with it in school/church coming out after 18.
I'm so sorry you had to face this cruel bigotry. I'm happy to discuss my time in the cult, just ask questions. There is a path to not only feeling good enough, but becoming empowered.
I dont know if what I went through is abuse but I was heavily indoctrinated into religious world view that I cant break away from. It makes it like impossible for me to think any differently. It makes me unable to ctb because I cant shake of the stories in my head about what happens after death. It is detrimental to my goal now and I dont have any solution for it
The terror implanted in us early is nearly impossible to shake. I'm so sorry xo
Yes I was indoctrinated into Mormonism since birth. I don't know if it fits your definition , but it is a very mentally and emotionally controlling religion. It would not have been quite so bad if they didn't hate gay people at the time. They still are anti-gay doctrinally but have improved somewhat socially in that regard. My only preference for my funeral is that it be not a religious service.
I'm familiar with Mormonism and count it as a destructive cult. I'm so sorry you've struggled with this. There is a path to understanding the whys.
Relate to a lot of this. I wouldn't say I was physically abused but it messed with my mental/emotional state. Also strongly prefer my funeral not be religious at all, I totally get that, it was the one thing I wanted when I was more serious about ctb. I draft ctb notes and half of it is just me trying to explain why I left the religion and why they should too. It clears my thoughts but I don't think I can change anyone. It sucks to try to recover from something in which your family and friends don't see any harm. In fact THEY think THEY know better. And it sucks even more to know they'll probably be indoctrinated for life, and raise kids that way. To answer your question, how I'm doing now is a lot better than in January. Recovering requires not just getting better but finding new community.
Yes, knowing that your family believes you to be inferior and doomed to eternal torture simply for being born is a lifelong jagged little pill.
 
Last edited:
kitch

kitch

Member
Jan 4, 2021
82
ex JW here.

I had a 'divided household' experience ( my unbelieving father let my mother raise us in the cult. )

It really nuanced the whole thing in a hard to describe power / loyalty kind of way .

I flip flop about how much my shit is from the cult and how much from my traumatized depression /ww2 era parents .

My biggest advance has been finally getting magical thinking out of the way .
I was so irrational and emotionally out of control !

It's been a life time thing.

I have come to some 'unpopular opinions ' conclusions about humans and society ...
I see culty stuff in the main stream all the time .
Irritates me !

I am isolated because I can't get on board with good things , movements , community stuff ... social anxiety ...
I call out hypocrisy all the time and can't not see it.

Worst of all , I'm sure I'm the smartest person for "being aware" ... but fail to see that most people (?) just somehow get on with things .

I'm through fitting in though ... I have a bleak outlook about humans .
We could be so cool.

Maybe that's just learnt helplessness ?

Conditioning is a hell of a thing .
 
AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
690
ex JW here.

I had a 'divided household' experience ( my unbelieving father let my mother raise us in the cult. )

It really nuanced the whole thing in a hard to describe power / loyalty kind of way .

I flip flop about how much my shit is from the cult and how much from my traumatized depression /ww2 era parents .

My biggest advance has been finally getting magical thinking out of the way .
I was so irrational and emotionally out of control !

It's been a life time thing.

I have come to some 'unpopular opinions ' conclusions about humans and society ...
I see culty stuff in the main stream all the time .
Irritates me !

I am isolated because I can't get on board with good things , movements , community stuff ... social anxiety ...
I call out hypocrisy all the time and can't not see it.

Worst of all , I'm sure I'm the smartest person for "being aware" ... but fail to see that most people (?) just somehow get on with things .

I'm through fitting in though ... I have a bleak outlook about humans .
We could be so cool.

Maybe that's just learnt helplessness ?

Conditioning is a hell of a thing .
Thanks for sharing! The lines do blur, don't they? Big hugs, here to talk xoxo
 
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

so gay.
Apr 13, 2021
4,970
Story of Isaac

( One day the Lord told Abraham to take his son Isaac to Mount Moriah and offer him as a blood sacrifice. )

I thought I saw an eagle
But it might have been a vulture
I never could decide
Then my father built an altar
He looked once behind his shoulder
He knew I would not hide

You who build the altars now
To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
A scheme is not a vision
And you never have been tempted
By a demon or a god

You who stand above them now
Your hatchets blunt and bloody
You were not there before
When I lay upon a mountain
And my father's hand was trembling
With the beauty of his Lord's Word

And if you call me brother now
Forgive me if I inquire
Just according to whose plan?
When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must
I will help you if I can

When it all comes down to dust
I will help you if I must
I will kill you if I can

And mercy on our uniform
Man of peace or man of war
The death peacock spreads his fan



sacrifice-of-isaac-1602.jpg
 
Last edited:
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Story of Isaac

( One day the Lord told Abraham to take his son Isaac to Mount Moriah and offer him as a blood sacrifice. )

I thought I saw an eagle
But it might have been a vulture
I never could decide
Then my father built an altar
He looked once behind his shoulder
He knew I would not hide

You who build the altars now
To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
A scheme is not a vision
And you never have been tempted
By a demon or a god

You who stand above them now
Your hatchets blunt and bloody
You were not there before
When I lay upon a mountain
And my father's hand was trembling
With the beauty of his Lord's Word

And if you call me brother now
Forgive me if I inquire
Just according to whose plan?
When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must
I will help you if I can

When it all comes down to dust
I will help you if I must
I will kill you if I can

And mercy on our uniform
Man of peace or man of war
The death peacock spreads his fan



sacrifice-of-isaac-1602.jpg

I remember being taught that story in Sunday school. hell I probably preached it as a missionary. the Mormons will say god was testing Abraham and had no intention for him to actually kill Isaac . they believe he"passed" the test by being obedient. Interesting song btw.
 
Last edited:
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

so gay.
Apr 13, 2021
4,970
I remember being taught that story in Sunday school. hell I probably preached it as a missionary. the Mormons will say god was testing Abraham and had no intention for him to actually kill Isaac . they believe he"passed" the test by being obedient. Interesting song btw.
Yeah, fanatical murderous psychos ready to butcher anyone always pass all God's tests in the Bible... It's a gorgeous Leonard Cohen song
 
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Yeah, fanatical murderous psychos ready to butcher anyone always pass all God's tests in the Bible... It's a gorgeous Leonard Cohen song

It does scare me a little. How they teach obedience to "God" aka some guy ,as the most important thing in life. I have come to the conclusion that people know the dubiousness of such teachings, but are wilfully ignorant.
 
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D

Dot

Specialist
Sep 26, 2021
342
Not childhood but feel have ptsd from being a co-dependent born-again in evangelistic church where always told what was doing wrong. Felt like was bad person, but with non church friends was the goody-goody. Non church friends more accepting though.

Was angrily told as small child when trying to get out of trouble that liars go to hell though..
 
Last edited:
hotelbeneathground

hotelbeneathground

so gay.
Apr 13, 2021
4,970
It does scare me a little. How they teach obedience to "God" aka some guy ,as the most important thing in life. I have come to the conclusion that people know the dubiousness of such teachings, but are wilfully ignorant.
Most "religious" people don't know shit about their religion, they just nod their heads & act all solemn & pious while thinking about lunch or football for an hour a week. I'm an atheist & I know more about the Bible & Catholicism than 90 % of the "Catholics" around me. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I'm an atheist. :))
 
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Most "religious" people don't know shit about their religion, they just nod their heads & act all solemn & pious while thinking about lunch or football for an hour a week. I'm an atheist & I know more about the Bible & Catholicism than 90 % of the "Catholics" around me. In fact, that's one of the main reasons I'm an atheist. :))
I agree completely. People are really in it for convenience. I also know more about Mormonism than most Mormons haha
 
Shadowplay

Shadowplay

Average alcohol aficionado
Sep 11, 2021
705
Story of Isaac

( One day the Lord told Abraham to take his son Isaac to Mount Moriah and offer him as a blood sacrifice. )

I thought I saw an eagle
But it might have been a vulture
I never could decide
Then my father built an altar
He looked once behind his shoulder
He knew I would not hide

You who build the altars now
To sacrifice these children
You must not do it anymore
A scheme is not a vision
And you never have been tempted
By a demon or a god

You who stand above them now
Your hatchets blunt and bloody
You were not there before
When I lay upon a mountain
And my father's hand was trembling
With the beauty of his Lord's Word

And if you call me brother now
Forgive me if I inquire
Just according to whose plan?
When it all comes down to dust
I will kill you if I must
I will help you if I can

When it all comes down to dust
I will help you if I must
I will kill you if I can

And mercy on our uniform
Man of peace or man of war
The death peacock spreads his fan



sacrifice-of-isaac-1602.jpg
Dramatised here!
 
Panna

Panna

Elementalist
Aug 31, 2020
887
Mormon since birth, have to love having a indoctrinated mother who has threatened me with death in the past if I “manipulated” my one brother whose on the fence to attend any college that’s not Mormon. Despite never taking to the teachings due to my adhd, and never fitting in with the prim and proper rich snobbish kids because of my antisocial nature, she blindly believes it’s not possibly the members at fault, nor the trauma of being forced to attend church and being slammed into bathroom stalls there if I made a sound, (something she conveniently forgets) but my hatred of god. Oh boy, love god and you won’t suffer anymore, wow what a concept, even though that’s not it. It’s more how hypocritical they are, love thy neighbor except that they are biased and actively only befriend “normal” families. They’d never be caught dead hanging out with anyone in our family, we’re not good enough.
 
eternalmelancholy

eternalmelancholy

waiting for the bus
Mar 24, 2021
878
I dont know if what I went through is abuse but I was heavily indoctrinated into religious world view that I cant break away from. It makes it like impossible for me to think any differently. It makes me unable to ctb because I cant shake of the stories in my head about what happens after death. It is detrimental to my goal now and I dont have any solution for it

Even to this day my head is still fucked up from all the bizarre brainwashing and beatings I experienced as a child. The most enraging thing about it all is that my parents don't think they did anything wrong.

My mind and body is permanently broken from all the years of abuse. I never had a chance of being normal or happy. I wish they would have just beaten me to death when I was younger and finished the job.
 
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Mormon since birth, have to love having a indoctrinated mother who has threatened me with death in the past if I “manipulated” my one brother whose on the fence to attend any college that’s not Mormon. Despite never taking to the teachings due to my adhd, and never fitting in with the prim and proper rich snobbish kids because of my antisocial nature, she blindly believes it’s not possibly the members at fault, nor the trauma of being forced to attend church and being slammed into bathroom stalls there if I made a sound, (something she conveniently forgets) but my hatred of god. Oh boy, love god and you won’t suffer anymore, wow what a concept, even though that’s not it. It’s more how hypocritical they are, love thy neighbor except that they are biased and actively only befriend “normal” families. They’d never be caught dead hanging out with anyone in our family, we’re not good enough.

That's very rough. You didnt deserve that abuse. The church teaches parents to abuse their children in certain ways. It sounds like you lived in Utah.
 
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Lovequenel

Lovequenel

Warlock
Sep 21, 2020
778
Not childhood but I urge anyone naive to stay away from the dangerous cult called 'Iskcon' (aka slinky heads at airports in the past). I had an association with them and really wish I hadn't. The suck up your emotional vulnerability and proceed to slowly but surely worsen your life.

I also had brief association with Children of God and had a 'friend' (no longer) who had been sexually abused w/i orthodox judaism.
 
Zzzzz

Zzzzz

The cake is a lie.
Aug 8, 2018
503
Another problem with Mormonism and many other bible or Koran based churches is their treatment of women. In Mormonism, women are actually forbidden from being leaders of the organization.
 
AtMostOkay

AtMostOkay

Screw your courage to the sticking place.
Jun 29, 2021
690
The oppression of women in the name of religion is by callous design, yes. Profoundly heartbreaking.
Another problem with Mormonism and many other bible or Koran based churches is their treatment of women. In Mormonism, women are actually forbidden from being leaders of the organization.
 
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