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GreenerPastures

Member
Jun 19, 2022
26
Hey everyone. So a couple of months ago I posted about how I planned on drowning myself… and obviously, it did not work. Fuck. Backstory.
I work a job where I drive the majority of the day, home at night minus stopping to get fuel and unloading.. Anyway. I had it planned out and everything was going according to plan. Had previously bought 2 blunts from w dispensary just for the occasion to loosen my nerves and excite me. On the day I planned to ctb I woke up at my usual 5am to go to work, got dressed and left. except this morning I hopped in my truck, unplugged my tracker, shut both my personal and work phones off, and left so my family wouldn’t suspect a thing. on a cold snowy morning no less. I first headed to the gas station to get coffee and to fillup, considering it was a 4 ish hour drive to the bridge. once I got there, drove over the bridge of choice and parked, lit the first blunt and examined the traffic flow for a couple of hours. And did a lot of thinking. A few people stopped and asked if I needed help, I said no thank you have a great day. After that I left the area, thoughts whirring through my head, overthinking it because I thought the traffic flow was too heavy to ctb at this bridge. So I drove to option numbero 2, a mere 15 minutes away, and parked just before the bridge crossing. I was angry and pissed off, upset, hurt, I was feeling every emotion as I got out of my truck and lit the second blunt. This road was quiet, plus it was going on 5 or think if I remember right. Once I has finished the blunt and all the feelings I had were pure euphoria, excitement, and a little bit of anxiety. My heart was pounding. I counted to 3 and listened for any oncoming traffic, and once I was confident nobody was coming I ran towards the bridge and lunged over the edge and into the river.. Fucking fuck was the water cold. The cold shock made me want to take a breath so bad but I held my breath with all my might Til shit went black, and I wound up in a god damn hospital room, all this shit hooked up to me, oxygen n i I guess I drowned but someone played hero, saw me and dragged me out. Once I saw my family a huge wave a dread came pouring over me like mad.. and as unfortunate as it was, I didn’t regret. i was more pissed I was alive, and at that, unscathed. Suprinsgly I didn’t lose my job, just explained them what happened and told them it won’t happen again lol. Never spoke of again. Anyway: Not going into super details anymore because, I have to eventually get to the point of this post..

Far forward to present day; entire time since last attempt to ctb I have been planning. And planning. And loosing my patience. And ever looming feeling that I am “out of time”.
So a couple weeks back I went and purchased a p30 hangun with hollow points. Said uh uh I am not loosing to this bullshit again. My next attempt will be successful. And I plan to shoot my brain set via the side of my head/behind the ear. Where might I do such a thing? I’m not sure.
But this time I don’t have a company truck, lost driving privileges, but regardless I have $1500 and I’m ignoring my bills and I’m ready to get in my car and just drive maybe 8, 12, 20 hours until I find a secluded enough spot to ctb. On road or off.
I’m not fuckin playin no more.


We have one opportunity, to be sentient on planet earth, and we spend it being wage slaves to the government. Working for man made “money” in order to purchase basic necessities to live.. not to mention while the average worker makes say $12hr, which isn’t enough to begin with, the CEO’s and top chair fuck-os are making damn near $1300/hr. Some crazy banana shit like that. What I’m the absolute fuck? Ya I get it. They earned the spot, they put in the time, the energy, the what the fuck ever it took to get to the top. I get it. But cmon, making millions, if not BILLIONS a year in profit, yet us, the ants, and struggling with the few breadcrumbs we got dropped. Greed has ruined the enchantment of planet earth, and unfortunately, it will never be somthing I can escape in this body’s timeline. the state of the world right now? Shit. It’s only gotten worse and only fuels my drive more. Maybe if wages kept up with productivity, things would be better off. Oppose a $45/hr federal minimum wage and let shit go wild. Shit will get crazy.. but that’ll never happen.
Anyways..
Still debating on when/where I should go to CTB.. I’ll be having around the forums for a couple days if anyone wants to chat.
 
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Someone123

Visionary
Oct 19, 2021
2,264
I'm sorry thsat this did not work and that you are still in so much pain. One thing about phones, their location is tracked even when the phone is turned off. you would just want to keep this in mind- the only way to shut this off is to take out the battery, which is typically pretty difficult- you have to take the whole phone apart using some very small tools carefully to do this. They do sell bags that you can put a phone in that supposedly stops the signals, but it is not clear how reliable these are- just fyi.
 
FuneralCry

FuneralCry

She dreams of eternal sleep
Sep 24, 2020
12,392
It sounds so awful going through that failed attempt. Drowning certainly sounds like a horrible way to leave this world and I’m sorry that you had that experience. This life really is so depressing and I understand being desperate to leave this world. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2022
1,025
That's either some timely divine intervention, if you believe in that sort of thing, or just some freaky-ass bad luck, from your perspective, obviously. How did someone get to you if the water was so cold? Were they on a boat? Weird. I know hypothermia slows down everything, which can lead to more time in order to resuscitate someone. As far as guns go, know they they aren't 100% surefire (no pun intended), either. You could survive and be in way worse shape, unable to make a third attempt. Happens all the time, hollow point or not. You'll have a flinch from SI the moment you squeeze the trigger that could really screw you over. Not saying it will, but it can. For me, I'm going out by CO. I've got all the information I need from SS. If done right, it's 100% effective and it's extremely quick, and basically painless. I'll be out in seconds once entering the enclosure and that will be all she wrote. I'll use the CO if I can't get any N, which would be preferred, but with the way things are, CO will be just fine. And it's way cheaper, too. Basically a tent and some charcoal and a CO measuring device.
 
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GreenerPastures

Member
Jun 19, 2022
26
That's either some timely divine intervention, if you believe in that sort of thing, or just some freaky-ass bad luck, from your perspective, obviously. How did someone get to you if the water was so cold? Were they on a boat? Weird. I know hypothermia slows down everything, which can lead to more time in order to resuscitate someone. As far as guns go, know they they aren't 100% surefire (no pun intended), either. You could survive and be in way worse shape, unable to make a third attempt. Happens all the time, hollow point or not. You'll have a flinch from SI the moment you squeeze the trigger that could really screw you over. Not saying it will, but it can. For me, I'm going out by CO. I've got all the information I need from SS. If done right, it's 100% effective and it's extremely quick, and basically painless. I'll be out in seconds once entering the enclosure and that will be all she wrote. I'll use the CO if I can't get any N, which would be preferred, but with the way things are, CO will be just fine. And it's way cheaper, too. Basically a tent and some charcoal and a CO measuring device.
Yeah I don’t know how long I was in there, how they got to me.. but definitely not choosing that method again, the taste of death drowning brought more panic than putting a gun to my head ever has.. and that’s kind of why I’m choosing to use a gun to ctb. I’ve never been afraid of them and grew up around them, and I’ve got comfortable with them on nearly every square inch of my head. But you are right, SI could still fuck me over in the end. And if that happens, pray my spots remote enough that I can NOT be found, and bleed out.
I like the CO method, but really haven’t heard much about it.. I feel like if I was more educated on it, success rates, etc, I’d consider.
 
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locked*n*loaded

locked*n*loaded

Enlightened
Apr 15, 2022
1,025
I like the CO method, but really haven’t heard much about it.. I feel like if I was more educated on it, success rates, etc, I’d consider.
It is 100% effective if done right. If I can't get any N, what I'm going to do is buy a tent and pitch it right in my garage ( I don't have to worry about any family members or friends). I'll seal it up and plan to burn 3 buckets of charcoal, place them in the tent, and wait until the coals start giving off copious amounts of CO, which should take the concentration level near 12000 PPM, which is completely adequate to make one unconscious within seconds of entering the tent and death will soon follow. I'll construct a small brick pad area on the floor of the tent to place the buckets of charcoal on. Just a small 2-man tent will suffice. You need to wait for the coals to reach the red-hot stage of burning - that's when they start producing large amounts of CO. There's a Mega-thread on SS just about the CO method. It's a good way, IMO. You really need to get a good CO meter, though, to measure the CO level in the tent. You need upwards of 10000 to 12000 PPM for it to be most effective and the fastest. Ideally, you want to wait until you measure the level in the tent (or whatever enclosure) at 12000 PPM and then enter the tent quickly and get the door closed and zippered shut. You need to lay down fast then because you will be unconscious within seconds and dead not too long after. It should be very painless, not unlike N, which is what I want, and really 100% effective if you do it right and get the CO level to what I said. It's cheap, too, compared to buying N.
 
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