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Sep 11, 2018
September 16. I have places to be. Things to do.

Three hours ago, I needed to talk to some director about getting permission for interviews.

In three hours, I need to email my employer about a review about a book that'll be releasing in three days. Two days? Fuck.

In two hours, I need to eat dinner because I already missed Breakfast, Lunch and Dinner for two days counting and I. Need. To. Eat.

In 10 minutes, I needed to go to sleep or I. Won't. Sleep.

In a minute, I need to find my pills but I can't because they're out and. Oh shit. They're out. RIght.

And then in four hours, the day begins again. And then I check my calendar again.
What am I doing again.
What am I doing.

I have places to go and things to do but I can never remember them when my mind keeps. Blanking out. I can't. I feel like I'm running out of time constantly. I keep running out of time. But I also keep forgetting.

I keep forgetting. I forget that I need to eat and don't keep track of things I need to do and sometimes I forget to sleep. And. I don't know how to function normally. I sometimes forget to talk to other people and other times it's entirely by choice or people just forget I am not there and over time I forget how to tell the difference. The difference when I'm there or when I'm not there. I waltz through life and suddenly it's Sunday and I can't remember if my dad left yesterday or hasn't come back yet or is just late and that's when I remember he hasn't been here for. A month. And four years. Or six? And my hair is wet but do I remember getting in the shower or did it just rain but I never go outside?

Just kidding. It's been two hours since I saw him at Walmart. And. It never rains in September.


What do I need to do again? I'm glad I typed it all out because. Evttythign just left my mind. I have a million things constantly running and I just. Never pay attention.