Dec 13, 2018
feel like totally fucked up and betrayed for i don't know how many times, by the same people, again and again, thnking something could ever change. My parents long ago showed multiple times that they can't be trusted and i can't count on them for anything. I do not want nothing from them. But still asked my father for a favor and he agreed. Simple money laundrying of like just 30k eur. It was simple - i gave him money in cash every week, he puts them in his bank account and transfer them to my bank account. As the money came from my father i'm not obligated to declare them and can buy whatever i want with them.
and still how something so simple can go wrong?
1st - my mother as she knows that this amount is a funy one - "I'm worried you might get problems, for what you do, althought i don't know what you do". - ok had to lie and thought it was fine
2nd - again some brain push from my dad, had to tell him - we do this only my way, and he was still ok.
3rd - Today - he called me on my phone, telling me the amount of the money. I was litterally shocked, cause i never ever talked with him on the phone about that, and he has spend most of his life in police and knows how this works. I was totally pissed off, for like 7 days everything goes to plan /except for their stupid additional ideas and OMG why i would not pay taxes?, WTF??. Said on the phone that i thank him for his money and that they are his money, and he still tried to talk about the amount and pointing they were mine.
I don't know what to think anymore. If they care for me and are afraid of me beeing arrested or somehting, for something they only have as imagination, why would he call me about this on the phone? It's very possible that he subconsciously wants to fuck me up. And next - the amount of money he tells me was counted was with more than 5% less than what i gave him?? How cheap can that be?, Even if it was mine mistake about the amount /not likely at all/, but still, that call, calls like that, people like that - ya they can fuck me up alot with their "innocent" "i'm stupid and didn't know" stuff.
What i think from all of that is that i made a mistake, givim stupid people options to choose what to do. They always choose the wrong one, that fucks them up, combined with that i'm fucked up too. So no choices anymore. It always worked with outside people. Fear, the push, the manipulation, the lies, the promisses - they all deverve this, they never ever get a reach chance for a self made desigion.

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